Married but GF pregnant...

[flowerpot]

I am not happily married with my wife... our marriage has been on the rock for almost 2 years.... partly cos of my gf....

but we have not divorce, for the sake of our child....

now, my gf got pregnant. my gf knows abt my wife, and she is in dillemma...
sometimes, she say she wants to give birth to the little life, sometimes she say it is impossible for her to give birth to the little life,
making me equally confuse...

i don't mind giving the little life a chance. any views???

[ekemono]

I am not happily married with my wife... our marriage has been on the rock for almost 2 years.... partly cos of my gf....

but we have not divorce, for the sake of our child....

now, my gf got pregnant. my gf knows abt my wife, and she is in dillemma...
sometimes, she say she wants to give birth to the little life, sometimes she say it is impossible for her to give birth to the little life,
making me equally confuse...

i don't mind giving the little life a chance. any views???

The issue now isn't about to keep the baby or not, though I am not encoraging you to kill innocent life.

The issue is with you. Did you know how many persons you have hurt?
I apologise for being offensive but you are very selfish. You knew you will not end your current marriage but yet you attempted to impregnant another gal.
How happy can your gf be in future knowing she has given you her most precious gift (a child for you) in her full capacity as a woman when all that you can offer are a kept mistress and an illegitimate child in your capacity?

Sooner or later down the road you will end up with an unhappy relationship with your gf as you had with your current wife.

[flowerpot]

i know i am wrong....

but who knows how long i have not felt happy...
the kind of happiness that comes straight from the heart....

but things already happened.... who knows what i am going thru....

all i want to do, is to minimize the hurt i am causing to everyone...

[Oceanlee]

I am not happily married with my wife... our marriage has been on the rock for almost 2 years.... partly cos of my gf....

but we have not divorce, for the sake of our child....

now, my gf got pregnant. my gf knows abt my wife, and she is in dillemma...
sometimes, she say she wants to give birth to the little life, sometimes she say it is impossible for her to give birth to the little life,
making me equally confuse...

i don't mind giving the little life a chance. any views???

Consider this :
can you provide for 02 family in terms of monetary?
If yes, then your time will be split and you have to manage, tough work.

If No, let go the 2nd or the 1st, Your decision is not just based on your dick brothers, apply it on the damage control and your longterm happiness.

Review yourself, if you forsake the first and go with the current, will this happen so the next time when you met another down the road, which you rules by your emotional and small head .. thinking that the right one again.
(Rules of thumb, history tends to repeats)

The choice is U, no one can help, we can only advice accordingly.
U must prepared, to spend $$$$, time, emotional, pressure from all side.
Think through, this is no small issue. ;)

Take care.

[flowerpot]

monetary wise... i put it as still can afford....

im not filthy wealthy... but to provide for 2 families in sg cost abt 5k???

can still afford that.....

its not cos of sex that things happen......

[Oceanlee]

monetary wise... i put it as still can afford....

im not filthy wealthy... but to provide for 2 families in sg cost abt 5k???

can still afford that.....

its not cos of sex that things happen......

Youngman, obviously you dun read my sentence with your mind leh, whats is stuff into u brain i wonder. :(

From your telltale, I can see that you in lost,
1) Please apply damage control now (need to cut off, do so, dun drags)
2) So you can provide $$$$, what about time for the mother and child? what about emotional for the mother and child,

3) if 02 family ..... you think U can cope well managing their expectation from you, demand from your affection ?
4) Are you able to hold off well in you jobs/assignment?
5) Mentall how prepare are U ?
6) Physically, how long can u take it ?

Not to bombare you youngman, please analysis the whole thing.

Take care and important, is not how u feel but how u handle the whole thing and walk tall like a MAN. :p

[DO_YOU_BJ]

For the sake of your born child, do not file a divorce.....totally unfair to him/her and will also change the kid's destiny.....
For the pregnant GF, even for me, do not abort the unborn child.
If you can afford 2 families, hey go ahead but trust me, 5k for 2 families is pathetic and definately not enuff.
My stance, which is totally my personal view is, take GF in as mistress and have the kid......
Do it any other way, prepare for your karma my friend.

Now, your priority is how to tok to you GF and give her the sense of security that you will not make her abort the kid & you'll be a responsible man, both to the kid that's borne by you wife and her unborn child.

[ekemono]

but who knows how long i have not felt happy...
the kind of happiness that comes straight from the heart....
but things already happened.... who knows what i am going thru....

all i want to do, is to minimize the hurt i am causing to everyone...

But are you happy in your heart now?
I may guess my earlier post is "talking cock" to you. But you must realise the fact that I cannot hint or point you to any directions because regardless the choice it will ruin someone's life gravely. I don't want to contribute to it, directly or indirectly.

I can only focus my advice on you alone, and I regard it as impotant because the source of the problem is you.

You started off and ended with only caring for your own personal interest. You had some serious issue with your wife but you did not resolve or disolve the problem or the marriage because you knew for as long as possible the wife and you will not divorce for the sake of the kids. Thus, you let things stale.

At this point if you go have fun and release your urge without strings attached, I say it is ok. But you got involved with a gal and impregnant her.
Sorry to say this but I can visualised that moment that you pushed hard into her womb and decided to shoot your load in, you had disregard her interests, your wife's interests and your kid's interest.

And now, you are repeating the cycle of not confronting the problem and seeking "duct-tape" solution. Sad to say but the only solution is to confront the problem by coming clean with all parties involved. Your wife is a mother herself, so I believe she will not be cruel to request abortion from your gf.

I apologise again for giving my honest opinion, resulting in offensiveness, if any.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Remember, feeding 2 families wif 5k to me is tight liao.......
Unless you can make them all move into the same house, then you're gonna feed 2 households liao.......
So, you gotta think very carefully....
Cheers n good luck

[sammyboyfor]

i don't mind giving the little life a chance. any views???

A bastard (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bastard)! :eek::eek:

[asdfghjkl]

not happy with wife drag too long might not be good. :o

[airforcegurl]

sad to hear of this unfortunate situation. i have no advice for you. all the best to you and both the families :(

[tokkon1]

I am not happily married with my wife... our marriage has been on the rock for almost 2 years.... partly cos of my gf....

but we have not divorce, for the sake of our child....

now, my gf got pregnant. my gf knows abt my wife, and she is in dillemma...
sometimes, she say she wants to give birth to the little life, sometimes she say it is impossible for her to give birth to the little life,
making me equally confuse...

i don't mind giving the little life a chance. any views???

Do you really really LOVE your girlfriend. Made your decision based on that fact.

If you and your gf are really in love and not just sex, I suggest divorce your wife, set up a system to support your child and set both you and your wife free. My guess is you are both relatively young. There is still long journey ahead. Why not set both of you free cos persisting in a loveless marriage is hell.

After the divorce, both of you can go on and lead happier lives.

I'm no counsellor, just an opinion. You hv to decide ultimately what's best for all parties involved.

[colins]

I am not happily married with my wife... our marriage has been on the rock for almost 2 years.... partly cos of my gf....

but we have not divorce, for the sake of our child....

now, my gf got pregnant. my gf knows abt my wife, and she is in dillemma...
sometimes, she say she wants to give birth to the little life, sometimes she say it is impossible for her to give birth to the little life,
making me equally confuse...

i don't mind giving the little life a chance. any views???

Bro flowerpot,

When you do not have courage to make decisions which will affect the rest of your life, the consequence of such indecisions will continue to plague you everyday, becoming worse every hour. You only have chance to remedy, patch up holes, that's all. For the rest of your life, patching up holes.

Marriage on the rocks = big problem by itself
+ got kid
+ it is becos of your extra marital affairs
+ you dare not rock the boat
+ you have rock the boat becos new kid cannot wait

= consequence you need to face for your entire life.

You mentioned you feel happiness that comes from your heart, yes nobody knows. You also mentioned nobody knows what you've been going through. Then why ask for advice? For every word anyone says to you, your mind would be answering, aiyah what do you know, you know what I want or not, you know what how much pain I am going thru or not....truth is, nobody knows, only you, and see what the fucking mess you made out of it.

Let me turn the table around and ask you if you know,
Your responsibility as a Man
Your responsibility as a father
Your responsibility as a BOYFRIEND

You should be happy that life is still offering you a multiple-choice. It is definitely not a question of money. Your issue is in taking up responsibilities.

[kiko]

Bro, dont abort the child , be responsible to both parties since u are in this situation now!

[SAWgunner]

Maybe can ask the wife to accept gf as a concubine, or unofficial, non-legalized 2nd wife.. like last time in old china.... for the baby's sake..

[sammyboyfor]

Bro, dont abort the child , be responsible to both parties since u are in this situation now!

Yeah let's bring more bastards into this world. There's an acute shortage of them at the moment!:rolleyes:

[pewpew]

Bro, maybe you should discuss with your wife or maybe your family about the matter as it is really your own fault as you fail in safety precaution since you have a family yourself.

Or maybe try talking to your gf asking for her opinion n try working out in a better way?

Just remember, it is a LIFE we are talking about and how is the future of the LIFE (if you can support will be very great) mostly depend on the decision you makes now. If you really can't maintain a Win-Win Situation, i believe you should know what to do.

Good luck to you :cool:

[Prickly]

Utimately the decision lies with you. The struggle is "to take that crucial step" to get on with life.

You already know in your mind and heart what you wanna do. Just do it once and for all. Even if it hurts, just let it happen only once.

I'm not happily married too and have always got a close "gf" by my side. She knows that I'm married & feels miserable because she never know whether I'll divorce my wife or not.

Utimately I distant myself from her not to hurt her deeper but deep inside I know that if I'm with my "gf", I'll be more happy

But I didn't take that "crucial step" because of other factors

Just my two cents worth.

[porscheclub]

I am not happily married with my wife... our marriage has been on the rock for almost 2 years.... partly cos of my gf....

but we have not divorce, for the sake of our child....

now, my gf got pregnant. my gf knows abt my wife, and she is in dillemma...
sometimes, she say she wants to give birth to the little life, sometimes she say it is impossible for her to give birth to the little life,
making me equally confuse...

i don't mind giving the little life a chance. any views???

Bro, what have u done? aiiii

They have already replied you. Some with stinging responses as usual but all for the good. 2yrs.............& you've been dragging this along & that pains everyone, I remembered u said that your wife knows about her & waiting for you? If she can accept your situation & the 2nd one then please quickly round this up & learn to manage the household.

Otherwise, u'll have to end either one. (Since you're already a bastard already, u just have to be cruel but better opt for a shorter pain for everyone.) If there's no more love with the 1st & the relationship cannot be salvaged, cut it. This is if you are 110% sure that the 2nd one is the one you love & vice versa. Otherwise, cut her but at least compensate her well (The only thing you can do) This is my opinion & I know it's selfish but there's no real solution here that's fair to everyone.

Tell me, what is happiness? When you are happy, do you feel emptiness or when you give the person happiness, you feel empty or fulfilled?

Let me know if you want a listening ear, I'm in town now.

[uiop]

any views???

God Bless!!!:rolleyes:

[AJamal]

One important point, drawn from a real-life case (thankfully not mine): have the foetus tested to make sure you're the father. I'm not sure how early they can do DNA testing on foetuses nowadays, but please do this.

Just to make sure, bro.

[Reaper]

I am not happily married with my wife... our marriage has been on the rock for almost 2 years.... partly cos of my gf....

but we have not divorce, for the sake of our child....

now, my gf got pregnant. my gf knows abt my wife, and she is in dillemma...
sometimes, she say she wants to give birth to the little life, sometimes she say it is impossible for her to give birth to the little life,
making me equally confuse...

i don't mind giving the little life a chance. any views???


First line to your posting and you are already trying to shirk your respondsibility???

[gertt234]

Hi Bro,

Just want to add that abortion is a decision that is easy to make. However, the decision will haunt you forever. That's only including the karma portion.

How do I know? Been there, not once, twice. Now regretting the decisions I (We) made and trying to be at peace with myself for this matter. Just to add a time perspective, it's been more than 7 years for the first time if I am not wrong.

Good Luck to you and do think carefully.

[NoFearSg]

My 5-cent opinion is:

A happy family makes up of a father, mother and children.
If you decided not to divorce, then better make early decisions than late.
Think of the long road ahead. The bastard will most likely grow up hating you, not respecting you and even challenaging you in his capable years. That's the worst family tragedy instead of happy family.

[geckoSG]

TS,

I'm not sure wat you are thinking when U did RAW with your GF.

Can't tell you wat to do either. You have to make the ultimate choice.
What ever choice you make, someone will get hurt at the end of the
day.

That's the result of being irresponsible and not rationally thinking of
the consequence...

Sorry, I'm blunt, but its the truth. :o

[Megatronzombie]

monetary wise... i put it as still can afford....

im not filthy wealthy... but to provide for 2 families in sg cost abt 5k???

can still afford that.....

its not cos of sex that things happen......

5k for 2 family so cheap?? Paying instalments for 2 hdb flat to house them already that amount, I know coz I am paying 2,600 a month for my hdb flat :p

[flowerpot]

Youngman, obviously you dun read my sentence with your mind leh, whats is stuff into u brain i wonder. :(

From your telltale, I can see that you in lost,
1) Please apply damage control now (need to cut off, do so, dun drags)
2) So you can provide $$$$, what about time for the mother and child? what about emotional for the mother and child,
i know i cannot afford the time.... and i will need to lie alot...

3) if 02 family ..... you think U can cope well managing their expectation from you, demand from your affection ?
foresee that problem will arise regarding this...

4) Are you able to hold off well in you jobs/assignment?
SERIOUSLY, NO!!!

5) Mentall how prepare are U ? None...

6) Physically, how long can u take it ?Not long...


Not to bombare you youngman, please analysis the whole thing.

Take care and important, is not how u feel but how u handle the whole thing and walk tall like a MAN. :p
I know im wrong.......

[flowerpot]

For the sake of your born child, do not file a divorce.....totally unfair to him/her and will also change the kid's destiny.....
For the pregnant GF, even for me, do not abort the unborn child.
If you can afford 2 families, hey go ahead but trust me, 5k for 2 families is pathetic and definately not enuff.
My stance, which is totally my personal view is, take GF in as mistress and have the kid......
Do it any other way, prepare for your karma my friend.

Now, your priority is how to tok to you GF and give her the sense of security that you will not make her abort the kid & you'll be a responsible man, both to the kid that's borne by you wife and her unborn child.

Bro...
heard alot abt your heroic stories.... but i really duno how to make 2 women live under the same roof.... even if they agree, i duno how to explain to relatives....

[flowerpot]

One important point, drawn from a real-life case (thankfully not mine): have the foetus tested to make sure you're the father. I'm not sure how early they can do DNA testing on foetuses nowadays, but please do this.

Just to make sure, bro.

Wah Bro...
u duno... she is more agressive than me....
i was jokingly talking to my gf, saying go for DNA test... maybe not mine....
wah... she pull me to hospital to do ar.....

[etct88]

Yeah let's bring more bastards into this world. There's an acute shortage of them at the moment!:rolleyes:

very strong statement! this one, not bastard yet ....

bastard = no father, no mother......

so this clown have to decide...... he more worry about explaining to relatives. Should have examine where went wrong in the present marriage... he admitted partly due to gf....

then end the suffering of the present and move on to next...

$5k.... want to have 2 families....... got to be joking...

have one solution, turn to the religion that allow multiple wives, legally!:D:D

[slowplayman]

my 2 cents worth...

some of us will have, one time or another, get involved with another women. the dilemma and the guilt of doing it will continue to eat you alive... with your life on the edge, constantly on your feet thinking up explanations and excuses.

At the end of the day, both still love you and you still love the both of them. The logical thing to do is to minimise the overall pain. ie, go back to your wife and kid and make it work.

The GF, u can take care of the kid, but no emotional involvment. At the end of the day, starting that is a mistake.

[AJamal]

Wah Bro...
u duno... she is more agressive than me....
i was jokingly talking to my gf, saying go for DNA test... maybe not mine....
wah... she pull me to hospital to do ar.....

Since she has indicated she is willing to do the test you may want to call her bluff and go through with it. I'd be very suspicious if all of a sudden she comes up with a lot of objections and excuses.

No offence intended, bro.

[casannova03]

Well, the rice have been cooked......

We dun know what you have gone thru only because we do not get ourselves into such a situation.

Bro, YOU have chosen this path

No matter what you tell yourself, its only because of YOU and YOU alone that the situation is as such.

If YOU have the courage to go to such extent in order to fufil the void or the emotion that you fely you lack, then i am sure YOU have the courage to pick yourself up from here and carry on!

Remember, in life nothing is fated.
Fate only give us choices and we choose what we want...and incidentally, our very own life..be it fucked up or super rich...is the direct result of the choices we've made somewhere in our life...

So my view is: now YOU have to decide for yourself what you want in your life. Remember...YOU decide what you want for future...nobody can do it for you...

THINK CAREFULLY.... and start thinking soon....;)

[samaritan]

just divorce u wife and take care of your gf and new baby

[casannova03]

just divorce u wife and take care of your gf and new baby

and abandon his wife and child???:eek:

You must be a samaritan from HELL!!!!:eek::eek:

[DO_YOU_BJ]

and abandon his wife and child???:eek:

You must be a samaritan from HELL!!!!:eek::eek:

Bwahahahahahahaha
This world is made up of all sorts of people bwahahaha