love has die?

[Avant Garde]

hi guys

want to share and seek advise. me and wife have been married bout 8 years. we marry young. i and her only finish secondary 2. we have 0 children till now but we seldom do that thing as she don't like it. she think bj is digust

me just a clerk pay not high and also not say look like tom cruise maybe below average. my wifeis a secretary. sigh how to say. i think she love someone else now. maybe someone more rich and good looks. she goes drink almost all nites as her fren and work frens all quite young

me feel abit bad as can't really her perfect life and now economy no good. can anyone advise how to ask her if divorce? sometime she comment like regret marry early make me feel bad. :o if i divorce her hope she find wat she wants

sad

[GreenHorny]

Bro Avant Garde,
I must praise that you are really a mr nice guy, and that you really love her, as u hope the best for her even if after the divorce.
However, i would suggust you not to make fast conclusion. Although early marriage might sometime suggust she still haven enjoy enough, but that does not mean she does not love you anymore.
Have a good talk with her. Open your heart, and tell her how you really feel. If that still dun work, there are many professional marriage consultation outside which could help you. Dun give up so easily if you still love her.
Worse come to worse, if she really fall in love with another man, be a man, let her go. Pain is inevitable, but u r still young. Hook up with some sbf bros, bring u to superb bonks, superb bbbj. No big deal. Now economy bad, if u stress urself still, you gonna fall into a depression. Cheer Upz..

[Blue_gal]

move on...not easy but tat is LIFE...dun be too hard for urself...LIFE is already a hard one to live "IN"...so be nice to urself....

be positive! tis one can't work out.. there is plenty in the OCEAN!!...

cheer up!
Blue Aunt|e

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Go read this.
All u need to know is here!

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/matters-heart/114374-wanted-married-china-girl-but-i-am-married-5.html#post3458801

Same theory applies

[pewpew]

Have a nice chat with her, see how things is going before you start thinking about divorce.

DO NOT ASSUME AND PRESUME coz that will cause misunderstanding and regrets in future.

[colins]

Bro TS, there is nothing more unfortunate than a person who has given up on himself. If you believe that you are lazy, you won't go and take a course to improve your education and employability. If you believe that you are hopeless, you won't want to find out what she really wants.

If you believe you are not worth her love, you won't believe that you are perhaps the only guy in the world who is willing to love her unconditionally, whether got money, good life, career...etc, or not.

So bro, you choose your life. No woman will want to stay with a guy who is happy stagnanting himself. At least you can show some effort in putting improvement in your relationship with her. From that angle, if you think this way, you will know what you have to do. ;)

[DesSia]

Getting married young is not the problems. The problems is not getting the right treatment from either party and too greedy for better things in life.

What is life?

Happiness is the foundation of life;
Life is the formulation of choices;
Choices is the formation of happiness!

So what's make life so boring? Wrong choices resulting in no happiness thus boring life. Understand?

Both of you should sit down and discuss whatever right or wrong of either parties and sort it out. No point a bit of problems start thinking of divorce. All problems have many solution. Try to see it at another angle. Problems will not look for you if you don't want it.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Bro DesSia, new nick but wise posts....reminds me of someone...hmmmmmmmmmm

[pussyman72]

Communication is very important... open up the table and talk to her... whatever problem sit down and discuss what is the actual problem...

If the problem is on u or her then see can be resolve cannot and she feel that really wanna split then bo bian. u decide what to do...

i may not be married but i believe that if even open communication cannot resolve the problem then what is the point to carry on... even try so hard still cannot then give up better then regret later...

anyway good luck to u. Cheers

[mike1304k]

Dear TS,

I am sorry to hear your situation. But never look down on yourself!! Sometimes marrying young will lead to the inevitable problem of either or both party wanting to try new things. Especially if either party now has more economic freedom than the other. My personal take will be that you speak to your wife, explain to her how you feel. Then if she expects more from you, then see if you can improve yourself. But if not, then let her go. I do sincerly applaud you for your willingness to let her go and let her be happy, but the people I know have actually used this as a means to step up in life and make themselves better.

1) A very close fren of mine, normal guy, no degree but working in the IT sector. Marries this wife who was former SQ and she kept asking him to buy this, upgrade that and so on. In the beginning, he thought he had married into a life in hell. But then the fren spoke to the girl, then she sort of lowered her expectations, (not a lot hor) and also stopped going out to "party" anymore and he took up courses and so on. Now he is an IT Manager and they have 2 children and are living happily.

2) Both married young.. as in no more than 20, because of shot-gun. The girl was a princess from a very rich family and so had a lot of expectations. The guy also thought... 9 minutes of pleasure and 9 years of hell had begun. Things were very very difficult because princess was only child, brought up like princess and also treated like princess. But the guy tried his best, work a lot of things and worked very hard. Saved some money and showed that he can try. In the end, now they are expecting their 2nd child and seem very happy.

Many young couples miss out on a lot of things when they marry young. The girls will think that they have a bad deal especially if the guy is not too rich or highly educated. And because the girls go out to work, they are exposed to a life that they have not experienced and also may not be able to experience with their husband. But being married means working things out together. through thick or thin, better or worse. If the girl or guy understands and tries to meet the other half way, while the other party tries to improve or make things work out, then in theory, the marriage should be able to last. However, in so saying, sometimes it does not work out. Then let her go. Just like WL or FL or wife, if you love someone truly, then let them go and wish them happiness. In the end, happiness may find you too.

[sammyboyfor]

hi guys

want to share and seek advise.

Should be "Want to share and seek ADVICE.".

"Advise" is a verb.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

You can be poor
You can be lowly educated
You can be handicapped
But that doesnt mean anything

Wealth doesnt mean money
Wat is wealth????
Wealth is mental purity
Wealth is physical well being
Wealth is peace and purity in the heart

Money is actually not considered as GOOD Wealth but "PROBLEMATIC" wealth
Got more money, will have more probs

But most important thing in your life is YOU! No one can see you no up....even if people say you looser watever, you need not be one!
But once you allow yourself to feel like one, you are already beaten.

Just remember, a wife that 有难自己当，有福同享 can ask her for fuck off cos this type means you just married CANCER
But if she not this type, then try to work things out.

[EtherC]

Life is a symphony of imperfections. Occasionally the notes will escalate into something truly inspirational and deeply touching. Cherish these moments and ride out of the bumps that come your way. If you're not academically inclined go learn a skill(Underwater welding for eg makes good money). This recession will most likely mean retrenchment for a lot of white collar workers. If you're willing to work hard with your hands I'm sure you'll be able to provide well for your wife. The true measure of a man lies in the way he deals with problems.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

人是活的
什么都是死的
解决问题是用脑
用心什么也解决不了

[sexfrenzy]

Well like a bro above rightly point out, there is no better avenue now than to sit down and have a talk together. A relationship is unique in its own right and none of us here can give you a recipe to resolve your issue.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a fren who has an almost similar situation such as yourself.
They were both ROMed and were together for 5 years since school. Both came out to work in the society. My friend does not have a bachelor and work as an IT helpdesk engineer.
The lady works as an admin and met 2 colleagues who keep criticizing that my fren is not good enuff for her, not rich, handsome, educated etc. In the end, they intro her to a guy colleague who bring her to clubbing and drives her to work everyday.

My fren was shattered when she filed for annulment. She even got a protection order against him to cut off all communication. In the end, they divorced.
-------------------------------------------------------------

So if u value your your relationship, try to salvage it. Do what you can. Talk to her, and find out what went wrong. And if it is your issue, correct it.

People do change in diff stages of their lives.. expectation changes, character changes. Important thing is that she must still loves you. Otherwise whatever you do will be in vain.

Good Luck.

[yinyang]

TS, heartening advice from community here...(did not escape grammar advice from boss). You are advised to heed advice from bros/sis here advising you:D;)
Should be "Want to share and seek ADVICE.".
"Advise" is a verb.

[walabis]

People do change in diff stages of their lives.. expectation changes, character changes. Important thing is that she must still loves you. Otherwise whatever you do will be in vain..
Wise words.

[dirtyhairy]

hi guys...want to share and seek advise. me and wife have been married bout 8 years. we marry young. i and her only finish secondary 2. we have 0 children ...
me just a clerk pay not high .... i think she love someone else now. maybe someone more rich and good looks. she goes drink almost all nites as her fren and work frens all quite young...
me feel abit bad as can't really her perfect life and now economy no good. can anyone advise how to ask her if divorce? sometime she comment like regret marry early make me feel bad. :o if i divorce her hope she find wat she wants...

Yo Bro Avant Garde
alto you claim to hav only Sec 2 education, your nick doesnot sound the part
anyway asssuming everything you said is true,
laobaby says dont despair, give yourself a chance will you?
even with your love life seemingly all dead
but this means you should have even more time to spread
so go learn a new trade or even get yourself to upgrade
this way you will not only be mentaly occupied
your hidden talent and other things good you will soon realise
speaking from experience, DirtyHairy only has education up to Sec 3
which explains why I am only a simple van driver, delivering fresh roti
but I've always learning from others who know more than me
this way, you stay relevant and be as good as you can be:)

[Oralcraz]

hi guys

want to share and seek advise. me and wife have been married bout 8 years. we marry young. i and her only finish secondary 2. we have 0 children till now but we seldom do that thing as she don't like it. she think bj is digust

.....

me feel abit bad as can't really her perfect life and now economy no good. can anyone advise how to ask her if divorce? sometime she comment like regret marry early make me feel bad. :o if i divorce her hope she find wat she wants

sad

Bro, don't feel too down. I can sense yr disappointment but don't jump to divorce mentality so quickly. I don't normally advise couple to divorce...unless really is the last last last resort. Honestly, married couple is like that one. Is either the wife complain about the husband or husband complain about wife. I married 18 years. Hv gone thru' alot myself and hv many frens who is still happily married and a few who has divorced, and some remarried.
I can fully understand yr situation. First, u must understand yr wife feeling. Does she still luv u(sincerely)? Is she the materialistic type? What's her goal in life? Why do not want children yet? What's her expectation of YOU? Is there any dis-satisfaction of u(physically, financially or emotionally)? Questions can go on but if u hv answers to the above, I'm sure u will see the picture clearer. Then, automatically, u will know what's the best solution.

Remember in married life, we must learn how to share, communicate, appreciate, sacrifice, understand, empatise and most of all respect. Husband and wife always take each other for granted. If possible, try not to take each other for granted(easier said then done but must try).

So, hope u find yr answer and best wishes.

[GreenHorny]

Love is not everything in Life
Crucial but not essential

Bro, wish you all the luck in salvaging the relationship, and all the strength to tide over the toughest of times...

[Avant Garde]

hi everyone

thank u for all the advise. very nice to see differnent points of views. in my head i just cannot think of myself to push further or try to help our marriage. also my mother is old and i prefer to spend time with her.

my wife goes out every night maybe she feel like i dun care or maybe she feel outside is more fun with her fren. i just do my part like bill at home and house work. buts i thank my frens online for their concern :)

sad but acepts his fate

[Megatronzombie]

Bro TS how do u married at Secondary 2?? shotgun? but u have no babies...

Anyway, u must remember, a wife does not only look for a guy paying her bills and thats it. She wanted romance, love, affection and attention. If you dun give her this, she is young and other wolfs out there are willing to shower her with attention. Not to say she is bad but she is young and discovering the world. U must be there with her in discovering the world and you must be innovative in coming up with new ideas to get her interested in doing things together with you (and I dont mean sex :p).

Also not everything also involve money. A nice walk in Tampines park no need money, a nice trek in Bkt Timah no need money. Rent a bicycle cycle around the coast no need money. Go eat seafood in Johor need some money but cheap. Get my drift? :) Hope this helps.

[mike1304k]

Hi TS,

Please do not be down. In a way, what is happening is an unfortunate situation where your education background and financial background limit your income and ability to spend. And your wife, perhaps is still very young and is finding that life is fun and that it is so nice to have guys who have money giving her attention. She goes out at night, the guys pay for her mah..

I am not trying to drive the nail into your coffin. You have a choice, lie there and wait to die or do something about it. I do not agree that you have to stay home, pay the bills, do housework and let her enjoy. My humble opinion is that you try to give your wife companionship. For a guy or girl, coming home and watching local TV is boring. After eating, shower then watch tv then sleep.... Compared to going out drinking... partying and so on. But be frank to your wife. Tell her that you are uncomfortable with her actions. When I ws first married, I was also very uncomfortable with her going out once a month with a guy who she calls her friend. I told her that even if she was not doing anything wrong, she was married to me. How can she go drinking with another man? She saw the point.

If she wants to save this marriage, then it is up to you to also buck up and help salvage the marriage. Tell her how you will try to improve. Not just in education or ability to earn, but also how to give her more time and be with her. You will feel sian sitting at home doing just housework, so like me, I tell my wife, we do everything together, (like a race) then loser will bring winner out to our favourite food place for meal and drinks. Make her feel like she is being courted. I did so with my wife... I came home wit flowers one day... and told her.. "I am not giving you flowers because I am apologising for something I did wrong... I am also not giving you flowers to say I love you... I am giving you flowers because I don't want anyone to give them to you and that I want your vase to always be full of flowers from me, like your heart will always be full of love from me"... She became tofu in my hands... No matter how long you are married, women want to feel the GFE and the love. They want the thrill of being wanted. So do you want her bad enough?

[daggerboy]

If you still have that in you to continue to love her then you must give your marriage a chance. She may not be open to talking to you if she is seeing someone. But that doesnt mean you cant asking her if there is anything the matter. Take this opportunity to reflect on yourself and ask yourself if you have been inadequate in any way. If there is a way that needs improvement try to improve on it. This will make you a better person not for your wife but for yourself. Show some concern for her.

Remember if you give your marriage a chance you are not giving your wife a chance. You are giving yourself a chance.

[Kyser Soze]

If she wants to save this marriage, then it is up to you to also buck up and help salvage the marriage. Tell her how you will try to improve. Not just in education or ability to earn, but also how to give her more time and be with her. You will feel sian sitting at home doing just housework, so like me, I tell my wife, we do everything together, (like a race) then loser will bring winner out to our favourite food place for meal and drinks. Make her feel like she is being courted. I did so with my wife... I came home wit flowers one day... and told her.. "I am not giving you flowers because I am apologising for something I did wrong... I am also not giving you flowers to say I love you... I am giving you flowers because I don't want anyone to give them to you and that I want your vase to always be full of flowers from me, like your heart will always be full of love from me"... She became tofu in my hands... No matter how long you are married, women want to feel the GFE and the love. They want the thrill of being wanted. So do you want her bad enough?
Wise words. Indeed women want the love and courting feel all the time. Men and women are just 'programmed' differently by the Maker.

Let's not allow the feeling of courtship dies after marriage. Work on the romance, or it is to go to waste. Then that's a pity. :rolleyes:

[Faye]

Love can over come anything. love is the most powerful force in the world. it can change ppl's lives, changes everting!

[Torch_Man]

everybody needs LOVE and 1 2 feel bein LOVED all d time....
regardless men or women, old or young.... we'r all d same (dat's y ter'r so so many external affairs ard)

but human tends 2 take it 4 granted wen marriage takes place..
like d fairy tales endin always says:
HAPPILY EVER AFTER
but in actual fact b4 marriage & after marriage (no matter wat happen at home, such as: ur kids cryin lah, office politics lah, no mo love makin between husband & wife, d lists goes on......),
we all need 2 maintain d Lovin Passion alive, such as: continuous communication, lovin, carin, understandin, patience & many many mo.........

b4 my divorce, i thought dat marriage was a END-ALL matter (tinkin dat nw married oredi so everythin will automatically worked out fine).......... until i catch my ex-wife bin fucked by another boy...... i was simply ignorant


LOVE/MARRIAGE is an ongoing process:
continue 2 respect/understand/love/feel each other since dat partner is chosen by U

jz sharin

[mike1304k]

Hi TS,

You have heard a lot of good advice, but the most important is for you to also respect yourself. Be it whether you decide in the end to give it up (the marriage) or to work on it, the most important is that you have to start RESPECTING yourself. If you do not respect yourself, then no one will respect you. Once you can start to do that, then you can start to grow, you can start to improve. Now you are down and maybe because of this, you look even worse to your wife. But if you start to respect yourself, and grow strong, your wife will also start to respect you.

You sound like you still love your wife, but perhaps both being still young, she is now more interested in outside life. This is natural, but if you work on your marriage and if you show your wife you care, it will all change for the better. Even if it does not work out, this will be your first step to a new and better life. My hopes and best wishes go out to you. Chin up bro.

[HCKing]

LOVE/MARRIAGE is an ongoing process:
continue 2 respect/understand/love/feel each other since dat partner is chosen by U

jz sharin

well said, dont take each other 4 granted after marriage, which happens alot of time btw couples.:)

[Civil]

Hi TS,

You really never lose until you stop trying. And note:

"A small love forgives little, a great love forgives much and a perfect love forgives all."

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Getting married is like finding a plot to plant your fruit tree.
You must get good soil, ensure you give good fertilizer, water and enuff sunlight then the tree will bear good fruit.
Many ignore this once they throw the seed in the soil and just hope it turns out good.....
So, they live to pay the price
Whilst it can still be saved by doing wat was not done by some repairs on routine and more understanding to the needs of this fruit tree, many choose to walk the easy path and leave what they fucked up and find new seeds to plant thus never learning a god damn thing in life....thus, laws of nature, karma will befall and haunt the one who walked away!

[Avant Garde]

sorry is a contested divorce cheaper or a non-contest. i no understand after i read Divorce.com.sg: Singapore Online Legal Services for Divorce (Divorce Proceedings in Singapore), Divorce procedure (http://www.divorce.com.sg/page2.html)

[slider_72]

sorry is a contested divorce cheaper or a non-contest.

When you ask which is cheaper, it really depends on what you are looking at bro. If you are talking simply about legal fees, definitely a non-contested divorce will cost less because there is lesser things for the lawyers to do.

However, unless you have got a good lawyer to cover your ass, a non-contested divorce may potentially end up more costly for you. You may end up agreeing to terms that are not favourable to you when it comes to division of your assets. That is what I meant when I say it may end up being even more costly in the long run.