For married bros: Trust, Tolerance, Quarrels & Sex

[heatingup]

Trust, Tolerance, Quarrels & Sex

This is a thread for married bros only. I did not open the thread in the poll section as I seek qualitative not quantitative responses and I wish to know some background factors.

Question 1:
Years u are married to your (present) wife: _____

Question 2:
Number of kids u have (if applicable): _____

Question 3:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing trust of your wife’s judgement?
In other words, on a particular matter, do you think your wife’s judgement improve or deteriorate over past three years?

Question 4:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing tolerance of your wife over things that pissed u off?

Question 5:
When u have quarrels with your wife, u do usually have cold wars or heated arguments?
In other words, do u keep mum & show black face for a few days, hoping she will know why u were angry, or u shout out at her why u were pissed off?

Question 6:
Do decreasing trust, decreasing tolerance & nature of quarrels affect your sex life with her even after reconciliation?


Thank you very much for your responses.

[Oralcraz]

1. 18 yrs
2. Confidential
3. No. Accept my wife lay back attitude.
4. Initially yes, less tolerance. Now, not so as see more open.
5. No. Initially, angry, quarrel, loss temper. Scream and Shout. Now, don't bother to quarrel. No more energy.
6. Yes. Of course. Now, one year less then 10 times:eek:

[heatingup]

1. 18 yrs
2. Confidential
3. No. Accept my wife lay back attitude.
4. Initially yes, less tolerance. Now, not so as see more open.
5. No. Initially, angry, quarrel, loss temper. Scream and Shout. Now, don't bother to quarrel. No more energy.
6. Yes. Of course. Now, one year less then 10 times:eek:

Thanks for being the first to reply.
Up u 4 humble points.

[vitruvius79]

Question 1:
Years u are married to your (present) wife: __5___

Question 2:
Number of kids u have (if applicable): __0___

Question 3:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing trust of your wife’s judgement?
In other words, on a particular matter, do you think your wife’s judgement improve or deteriorate over past three years?
I think we understand more about each other's strengths and weaknesses, so we put more trust in what is strong in the other.


Question 4:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing tolerance of your wife over things that pissed u off?
I think increasing tolerance.


Question 5:
When u have quarrels with your wife, u do usually have cold wars or heated arguments?
In other words, do u keep mum & show black face for a few days, hoping she will know why u were angry, or u shout out at her why u were pissed off?

Nah, we're quite hot tempered but we cool down pretty quickly, usually within 10 mins. Even for the big issues.


Question 6:
Do decreasing trust, decreasing tolerance & nature of quarrels affect your sex life with her even after reconciliation?

Not really. Though for my case, I've accepted my wife is not at all into sex, so I have learnt, painfully, to separate lust and love into two different emotions. and i satisfy my lust elsewhere.

[topcook1]

Question 1:
Years u are married to your (present) wife: __8___

Question 2:
Number of kids u have (if applicable): __2___

Question 3:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing trust of your wife’s judgement?
In other words, on a particular matter, do you think your wife’s judgement improve or deteriorate over past three years?Ans: Same..

Question 4:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing tolerance of your wife over things that pissed u off? Ans : decreasing

Question 5:
When u have quarrels with your wife, u do usually have cold wars or heated arguments?
In other words, do u keep mum & show black face for a few days, hoping she will know why u were angry, or u shout out at her why u were pissed off? Ans: Have cold war and show black face

Question 6:
Do decreasing trust, decreasing tolerance & nature of quarrels affect your sex life with her even after reconciliation?Ans : Yes





That is all about it....

[mldue]

Question 1:
Years u are married to your (present) wife: __4___

Question 2:
Number of kids u have (if applicable): __1___

Question 3:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing trust of your wife’s judgement?
In other words, on a particular matter, do you think your wife’s judgement improve or deteriorate over past three years?
it depends on the subject matter. holidays and food is all hers. of those matters that i rely on her judgement, she has improved

Question 4:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing tolerance of your wife over things that pissed u off?
increasing. in fact, notice less and less of pissed off things.

Question 5:
When u have quarrels with your wife, u do usually have cold wars or heated arguments?
In other words, do u keep mum & show black face for a few days, hoping she will know why u were angry, or u shout out at her why u were pissed off?
we know who's really at fault when that happens. automatically give in when the right opportunity comes.

Question 6:
Do decreasing trust, decreasing tolerance & nature of quarrels affect your sex life with her even after reconciliation?
sometimes it does get mechanical. but amazingly, there is effort occasionally to try to get things going again.

[yoursecret]

1. More than 10 yrs
2. More than zero
3. decreasing trust of her judgement (after having kids hormones scrambled her once sharp brain, so sometimes she can misfire totally)
4. at first more and more pissed off... now tolerance actually go up.
5. cold war, but that's a personality thing on my part
6. doesn't affect. prob coz it was flatlining on its own whether quarrel or not trust nor not also no effect.

[fattyman]

1. more than 7 yrs

2. 2 kids

3. increasing

4. increasing

5. cold war

6. no, better sex after reconciliation :D

Pls upped me hor, kekekekeke :D:p

[leecs]

Question 1:
Years u are married to your (present) wife: 4

Question 2:
Number of kids u have (if applicable):0

Question 3:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing trust of your wife’s judgement?
In other words, on a particular matter, do you think your wife’s judgement improve or deteriorate over past three years?

Netrual.

Question 4:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing tolerance of your wife over things that pissed u off?

Decreasing tolerance. But I 忍. Last few months I trashed it out with her. All these years I’ve been tolerating her sarcastic attitude. I told her 1 more time, it’s over between us
Question 5:
When u have quarrels with your wife, u do usually have cold wars or heated arguments?
In other words, do u keep mum & show black face for a few days, hoping she will know why u were angry, or u shout out at her why u were pissed off?

Previously, I keep mum & let her win because I don’t want to argue more. Now, I don’t give a damn. I keep quiet doesn’t mean I’m scared of her.
Question 6:
Do decreasing trust, decreasing tolerance & nature of quarrels affect your sex life with her even after reconciliation?

Maybe, maybe not. We do have sex once a blue moon. But not like last time, we’ll talk about it. Now after sex, I just sleep & don’t bother her.

[sundial]

seems like the same problems with local SG gers.
They should be educated in school on how to be a good wife.

Best group now to do this is AWARE !!!
AWARE should focus their education on making a good Singapore Wife rather than their SEX education which gets no where.

anyone from AWARE please change course !!

[nuclearkid]

Trust, Tolerance, Quarrels & Sex

This is a thread for married bros only. I did not open the thread in the poll section as I seek qualitative not quantitative responses and I wish to know some background factors.

Question 1:
Years u are married to your (present) wife:

7 (Am I entitled to the proverbial itch?:D)

Question 2:
Number of kids u have (if applicable):

1

Question 3:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing trust of your wife’s judgement?
In other words, on a particular matter, do you think your wife’s judgement improve or deteriorate over past three years?

She has gotten better over the years; more pragmatic and definitely more realistic. I think age, motherhood and the working life has contributed.

Question 4:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing tolerance of your wife over things that pissed u off?

My tolerance is dependent on the mood I happen to be in. But its usually benign and to answer your question, my tolerance has improved with greater understanding of the rationale behind her actions. Am one that believes the intention is more important than the final action.

Question 5:
When u have quarrels with your wife, u do usually have cold wars or heated arguments?
In other words, do u keep mum & show black face for a few days, hoping she will know why u were angry, or u shout out at her why u were pissed off?

We seldom quarrel in 7 years, less than 5 times and mostly in the first 3 years of the marriage. When we do, its usually a face-to-face talk, no voices raised, almost meeting-like. It may seem rather mellow but the outcome then were to go our separate ways (twice). So, less quarrel isn't always good.

Question 6:
Do decreasing trust, decreasing tolerance & nature of quarrels affect your sex life with her even after reconciliation?

[COLOR="Navy"]She's not into the do after the kid came along.

Are you doing an assignment, bro TS? :)

[patrickzapu]

Question 1: 15
Question 2: 3
Question 3: can't be bothered
Question 4: getting lesser
Question 5: very often
Question 6: i think she's trying hard at it to keep me off the streets............:)

hope it helps in ur research..............

[Oralcraz]

Thanks for being the first to reply.
Up u 4 humble points.

No Problem. Thks for the points.

[Spectrum17]

Question 1: Only 1 yr but with her for 8 yrs altogether.

Question 2: 0

Question 3: neutral

Question 4: increasing tolerance
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing tolerance of your wife over things that pissed u off?

Question 5:I just keep quiet. Wife is stubbon kind. Arguments will never ends.

Question 6: Like a earlier bro said, I separate love & lust.

PS: 1 yr b4 marriage, i wil involve with another girl. I want to break off w wife but wife threaten suicide. I back off. Thinking abt it now makes me feel unhappy with this marriage.
!&!!

[sounding]

Question 1:
Years u are married to your (present) wife: 4.5

Question 2:
Number of kids u have (if applicable): 0 at the moment

Question 3:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing trust of your wife’s judgement?
In other words, on a particular matter, do you think your wife’s judgement improve or deteriorate over past three years?
i shld say she got increased bit by bit.. sometime as a husband hv to influence or teach the wife. but mostly she will ask for my comments..

Question 4:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing tolerance of your wife over things that pissed u off?
for those repeatly old cases, tolerance increased or shld say get used to it.. but she is a lovely good wife, sometime may do something that i feel not right.. but i don't think it pissed me off..

Question 5:
When u have quarrels with your wife, u do usually have cold wars or heated arguments?
In other words, do u keep mum & show black face for a few days, hoping she will know why u were angry, or u shout out at her why u were pissed off?
seldom quarrel.. if got anything juz cold wars for a night by keep quiet.. (no pt to talk abt whn both are heated up and won't accept the pt from each other) thn the nxt day turn back to normal..

Question 6:
Do decreasing trust, decreasing tolerance & nature of quarrels affect your sex life with her even after reconciliation?
hmm.. so far ok leh..

[Axe_Camphor]

Question 1: 9
Question 2: 1
Question 3: Decreased
Question 4: Decreased
Question 5: Over the years, time will enlighten you that no point arguing even if you are right and she is wrong... sian ah bro.. think of it makes my eyes watery liao... LL now'... focus everything on my kid:o...Sigh
Question 6: Yes, Definitely. Quarterly into Half Yearly now...:(

[makpoke]

Question 1:
Years u are married to your (present) wife:
4

Question 2:
Number of kids u have (if applicable):
Yes, no. confidential

Question 3:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing trust of your wife’s judgement?
In other words, on a particular matter, do you think your wife’s judgement improve or deteriorate over past three years?
Neither. Always has been the same, no improvement, neither deterioration.

Question 4:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing tolerance of your wife over things that pissed u off?
Less tolerance

Question 5:
When u have quarrels with your wife, u do usually have cold wars or heated arguments?
In other words, do u keep mum & show black face for a few days, hoping she will know why u were angry, or u shout out at her why u were pissed off?
Sweet talk + attempts for proper discussion--> Arguments --> Heated arguments --> (FIGHTS) --> Cold War
Keeping mum is tolerance on my part for petty and unreasonable behaviours or because I have given up trying to reason with her. Refer to above flow chart.

Question 6:
Do decreasing trust, decreasing tolerance & nature of quarrels affect your sex life with her even after reconciliation?
Definitely. More fights => less sex. The opposite doesn't apply though :)

Hope this helps

[heatingup]

Many thanks to the following bros who have contributed to this thread:
oralcraz, vitruvius79, topcook1, mldue, yoursecret, fattyman, leecs, sundial, nuclearkid, patrickzapu, spectrum17, sounding, axe camphor & makpoke.


Nope, I’m not doing any survey for any assignment but contemplating a divorce at this juncture or in the future.

For those bros who have increasing trust in your wife’s judgement & tolerance for her nonsense, don’t quarrel with her, and continue to have good sex lives, I respect, salute and envy you.

For those bros who have diminished trust in your wife’s judgement & tolerance for her whatever nonsense & pettiness, more quarrels and cold wars, and few times of sex or none, my heart goes out to your because I am going through this now and I understand how you and (and your cock) feel.

No women like to be termed “difficult” no matter how difficult they are. Why so difficult?

Hope to see more responses from other married bros.

[patrickzapu]

Hi bro, i think many bros here r gg thro the same phrase, just tat whether who has the guts and dares to make it happen or just keep it in the closet....i remember i had a buddy, beautiful wife (and tolerant to his late nights and cheonging), clever kids, nice home, gd $, the envy of many....but still he chose divorce.....suffer the criticism and scoldings from friends....why? Becos he just can't communicate wif his wife any more, lousy sex life with her etc.....and now he's happliy married to another.....

I think as we grew wiser, we know wat we are looking for in life, and usually 1st marriage seldoms works out well.....it's like trial and error...

[Oceanlee]

Trust, Tolerance, Quarrels & Sex

This is a thread for married bros only. I did not open the thread in the poll section as I seek qualitative not quantitative responses and I wish to know some background factors.

Question 1:
Years u are married to your (present) wife: _____

Staying together (03 Year) As marriage Life Had Known her for 10year+ :D

Question 2:
Number of kids u have (if applicable): _____

Not Telling You. :D

Question 3:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing trust of your wife’s judgement?
In other words, on a particular matter, do you think your wife’s judgement improve or deteriorate over past three years?

She have improved and will have to under my nurture. :D

Question 4:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing tolerance of your wife over things that pissed u off?

It sure get better ...... however, this varies on degree.

Question 5:
When u have quarrels with your wife, u do usually have cold wars or heated arguments?
In other words, do u keep mum & show black face for a few days, hoping she will know why u were angry, or u shout out at her why u were pissed off?

We live and let live .... COmmunication is key approach. Follow by action to win each other understand and trust. :p

Question 6:
Do decreasing trust, decreasing tolerance & nature of quarrels affect your sex life with her even after reconciliation?

I will touch on the last as the first 02 had been answered.
We are much more in love.

Thank you very much for your responses.

Hope it helps.

Love is blind, Marriage is Commitment.
No Easy way out, But work at the differences.
Be Constructive not Destructive.
Give Attention, Affection & Affirmation.
Trust is Build through Communication,
And Commnuication follow by action.
Action will prove your determination,
Determination show You Care.
When you Care, your attitude tells
WHen attitude is right,
It brings out the right Motivation.

Shall stop here.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Question 1:
Years u are married to your (present) wife:
14

Question 2:
Number of kids u have (if applicable):
1 9yrs old

Question 3:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing trust of your wife’s judgment?
In other words, on a particular matter, do you think your wife’s judgment improve or deteriorate over past three years?
No change since day 1...so still the same

Question 4:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing tolerance of your wife over things that pissed u off?
I wont call it tolerance but more a mutual understanding, so thus, in this case i would use NOT APPLICABLE!

Question 5:
When u have quarrels with your wife, u do usually have cold wars or heated arguments?
In other words, do u keep mum & show black face for a few days, hoping she will know why u were angry, or u shout out at her why u were pissed off?
I usually will avoid fights as it will make everyone more upset but not my style to have cold war....she does when she's not happy about something
I usually just go KTV and chill

Question 6:
Do decreasing trust, decreasing tolerance & nature of quarrels affect your sex life with her even after reconciliation?
Nope, still active! Then again, when you fight, where got mood to fuck wor????

Marriage is about 2 becoming 1
U do not tolerate, u understand and accept each others character, good or bad.
To tolerate is like containing the pressure of a volcano, once EXPLODES, alot of damage that cant be fixed and fine cracks will start to appear in the relationship.
I am very sure this is what you're going thru now.
Never WANT IT YOUR WAY or guaranteed it'll only lead to the highway

Remember, you 2 are THINKING ADULTS, you have your views and she has hers
Do not assume ABSOLUTE authority
I notice many couples face this problem
As a new couple, you will give in willingly to almost anything but as time goes by, THE WINGS HARDENED SYNDROME will take over, thus matters of opinion will be stood more firmly then before.
Now, this will of cos affect the other party, eh, last time so docile, anything also can now so garang......bro its not the case
You are just with someone who is becoming more matured and also has a strong self opinion
Now, have you tot how one will feel if they would have to submit and follow wat you say???? If that was you, u wouldnt like it either rite???

Learn to listen and take a breather and not confront anything that comes up, then all will be peaceful. The greater person in any relationship is not the one who does the right stuff, but the one who prevents stuffs from happening.

Take care and remember, always be patient!

[Oralcraz]

Nope, I’m not doing any survey for any assignment but contemplating a divorce at this juncture or in the future.



Bro, can understand and feel yr situation but, one advice....., if possible.....don't divorce. Don't forget you have kids. Tolerance, empathy, patience, understanding, respect and forgiving is the key. If u really sit down and give yr relation a good thought, she maybe tolerating you in the past too. We may have made mistake too. I have a few good friends who are divorced and some re-married. Situation, same same. 10 years ago, I was similarly like you. I chose not to divorce. I can't say I'm any better but one thing I can say is I will regret if I chose to divorce.
Of course, only you know what situation you are in. I normally do not like to see couple divorce...really bad for the kids. So.....give it a real good thought and "oceanlee" & "Do You BJ" has got good advice.

[angmohjoe]

This is a thread for married bros only. I did not open the thread in the poll section as I seek qualitative not quantitative responses and I wish to know some background factors.

Question 1:
Years u are married to your (present) wife: _>20____

Question 2:
Number of kids u have (if applicable): _grown and gone____

Question 3:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing trust of your wife’s judgement?
In other words, on a particular matter, do you think your wife’s judgement improve or deteriorate over past three years? Always respected my wife's judgement, one of the reasons I married her.

Question 4:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing tolerance of your wife over things that pissed u off? Increasing now, but it took a long time. I think we mellow as we get older.

Question 5:
When u have quarrels with your wife, u do usually have cold wars or heated arguments?
In other words, do u keep mum & show black face for a few days, hoping she will know why u were angry, or u shout out at her why u were pissed off?
Usually starts with cold war until one of us decides to have it out. Doesn't happen too often anymore.

Question 6:
Do decreasing trust, decreasing tolerance & nature of quarrels affect your sex life with her even after reconciliation? Of course. So you need to ask yourself what you really want, to be happy or to be right? Marriage needs to be a win-win relationship, if either of you lose, you both do. There were times I thought I wanted out, but over all I'm glad I stayed.

[hahakoh]

Question 1:
Years u are married to your (present) wife:
4.5yrs

Question 2:
Number of kids u have (if applicable):
0

Question 3:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing trust of your wife’s judgement?
In other words, on a particular matter, do you think your wife’s judgement improve or deteriorate over past three years?
i let her decide

Question 4:
Over the years, do you have increasing or decreasing tolerance of your wife over things that pissed u off?
decrease

Question 5:
When u have quarrels with your wife, u do usually have cold wars or heated arguments?
In other words, do u keep mum & show black face for a few days, hoping she will know why u were angry, or u shout out at her why u were pissed off?
cold war

Question 6:
Do decreasing trust, decreasing tolerance & nature of quarrels affect your sex life with her even after reconciliation?
yes