please advice

[xyman]

if brudders here went to geylang or ktv and see your fren's bf or hubby, will you call the friend and tell them that he see her bf or hubby at these places?

it happen to one of my friend. now his gf is damn upset. Why do the stupid guy need to do this? i helping my friend to curse that guy that call the girl up. this is a unspoken rule for all guys right?

[raibo]

I believe there alot of things to consider for this kind of event..

Let's call your friend who kenna caught, A.
and the other friend who tell A's gal, B.


1. B start off as A's friend or the gal's friend?
2. as a friend, is B closer to A or the gal??
3. How's the term between A and B??
4. Mayb B like the gal??

These are the few points i can think of now..

[jon2000sg]

if brudders here went to geylang or ktv and see your fren's bf or hubby, will you call the friend and tell them that he see her bf or hubby at these places?

it happen to one of my friend. now his gf is damn upset. Why do the stupid guy need to do this? i helping my friend to curse that guy that call the girl up. this is a unspoken rule for all guys right?

I have many women friends who sleep around but their friends will not tell their bf/ husband; so why must someone tell such incident to a friend's gf ?
the consequences is expected to be negative wat ???

no woman would like their man to fool around mah

[leecs]

Why does he need to do that? Unless the guy who call the gal likes the gal & trying to break them up? The girl will thank him for calling & he will console the girl & the dude will chase her when shes most vulnerable?

[SDX5]

Ya, and if the guy B tried to break them out so that B can go after the gal, then it depends if the gal is also finding an excuse to break off from A and allow her to hook up with B!

Else the gal must be stupid to allow B to go after her cos she should also be asking wat is B doing at Geylang or KTV?

So far for my brudders, if we happend to meet, we are more the happy to invite each other for next round!

[longwinter]

l also kana before....sibei sian de...my father friend spotted me at geylang call girl, then go report to my father! :mad:

[cablesnwires]

l also kana before....sibei sian de...my father friend spotted me at geylang call girl, then go report to my father! :mad:

Likewise, you can tell your father's friend''s wife what is he doing in Geylang? :D

[DO_YOU_BJ]

People only tale bare about others because of the 7 sins of men......
This one should be linked to envy!
Thus, he has ill intentions....

[qwertyuiop]

Thus, he has ill intentions....Agree with you bro DO_YOU_BJ, ill intentions to maybe up the wife getting in between both of them, the start of an evil plan, soon to become a new true story in this forum soon.

if brudders here went to geylang or ktv and see your fren's bf or hubby, will you call the friend and tell them that he see her bf or hubby at these places?

it happen to one of my friend. now his gf is damn upset. Why do the stupid guy need to do this? i helping my friend to curse that guy that call the girl up. this is a unspoken rule for all guys right?What comes around goes around, if this bastard can do this to his fren, one day it will happen to him as well. :cool:

[xyman]

the guy still ask my fren's gf if she is with him, what a stupid question. ask my fren's gf to do down and drove my fren's gf to tail him (My fren drive the wl to some other place to jalan jalan).

damn sickening... what sort of stupid guy is this?

[Panamera]

it happen to one of my friend. now his gf is damn upset. Why do the stupid guy need to do this? i helping my friend to curse that guy that call the girl up. this is a unspoken rule for all guys right?

The greatest sin of personal loyalty to friends is BETRAYAL.

Bro Xyman, no need to curse him, he has lost the basic foundation of trust among your group of friends, that's his punishment.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Bro Panamera, men only betray men for money & women......
For such cases, 1+1=????
Very obvious rite......
But that's life, and many of these species running around....

[qwertyuiop]

In this era, hard to find true friends around. I was taught this and learnt it by heart:

Your best friend is your worse enemy / fatal foe
你最好的朋友, 也可能是你最大的敌人

[mike1304k]

In this era, hard to find true friends around. I was taught this and learnt it by heart:

Your best friend is your worse enemy / fatal foe
你最好的朋友, 也可能是你最大的敌人


Clap Clap.. Bro qwertyuiop!!!

Look at the threads here and in the Sex discussion, how some guys actually go for their best friend's women and so on. When it comes to sex, there is no such thing as an underhand method and you can dream about the long lost "brotherhood" rules and so on. Be truthful, if you liked someone and she had a boyfriend, would you not try to same thing?

But for me, I would also like to look at it in another way. Your friend played around and was either too blatant about or too careless too. Never shit in a place where you can get caught or with the people who can catch you. Your cheong buddies shall be your cheong buddies and perhaps better not be your home buddies too. I have both sets and I try to keep them apart. It is either because I am too cautious or too insecure, whatever it be, my cheong buddies know who I like to call and where I like to go. This is too much information for someone I would want to introduce to my family. No matter what, shit will and can come out.. "Waaah bro... u remember that time in Jazzy... that Thai...." and that slip of mouth can shoot you down so fast you will not be able to get a parachute.

Next thing is that it also depends who called the girl. If it is a guy, he could either be having plans to move in or he may just be very concerned about the girl. I would say that if I knew this girl was crazy about a guy and he was out partying, I may consider hinting to her to be more careful. Guys... do not flame me, but if you had a sister who is dating a guy who is not careful and gets caught, how would you feel? Same theory can apply. It could also be a family member.

Like I said, we just have to be careful and circumspect. If you are free and single, no one cares where you have been and with you are with, but then once you have made a commitment, it is still a commitment and many people will hold you to it. Not only your Gf or wife.

For me, I prefer to be "truthful" in the sense that if I am out drinking and if ther place happens to have girls, I will tell her. She will of course start to rant about me better not going or touching someone, but I will always say that I will not touch. It settles the issue and if anyone catches me, I am covered. My cheong buddies do not know my wife and so have no reason to tell her anything. If I were to go for a massage, same thing... I will tell her and that will be that.

Guys, just like when having sex, we have to be careful, when we cheong, we also gotta watch out hor.

[qwertyuiop]

For me, I prefer to be "truthful" in the sense that if I am out drinking and if ther place happens to have girls

Thanks for the applaud bro mike1304k,

Can agree with your opinion on brotherhood rules and on the boyfriend tingy, life is just so sucks as I've been thru all these shit!

Thanks for sharing on the way you would have different set of friends and yes, we have to be careful if we do have a gorgeous gf/wife. Too many smart bros out there nowadays can resort to alot of ways and means to UP our girl. (Like upping rep points :D) WE HAVE TO BE CAUTIOUS, I REPEAT, WE HAVE TO BE .... (period).

"No matter what, shit will and can come out.. "Waaah bro... u remember that time in Jazzy... that Thai...." and that slip of mouth can shoot you down so fast you will not be able to get a parachute."

Agree on the above man! Some people/bros just DUNNO how to be tactical or they simply just like to SHOOT OFF THEIR MOUTH!

As for the part on hinting girls, I will not do that after bad experiences. It seems like I'm a busy and got me into worse shit but that was during my younger times like 20 yrs old? Now am a very old man already so lesson learnt. I now adapt a "mind my own business" attitude. If I know of any guys out partying, that's his lifestyle and that's their relationship, I will not inform the girl cos no point getting myself into more trouble. Girls ought to learn in their life too! Either through the hard way or be smarter. That's life. But bro mike1304k, I will not flame you as we have our different opinions. And also, I will not do that to other couples cos what comes around goes around. What if the bro u reported on is a good person? He eats outside but he still gives love and $ to the gf/wife? So, I can never judge, shall never judge and will never judge. Why so? Cos I'm not a judge what... Hahahaha.. I'm lame.. Actually, it's 人不可貌相 (Do not judge a book by it's cover)

For me, I prefer to be tactful than to be so truthful. I will answer when asked and not say more than what should NOT be told to avoid unnecessary arguements/debates which will spoil our mood. (Tried too many times now experienced not to repeat the same mistake)

Hope more bros can share their experiences with us. Cheers! :D

[anathem]

Hold on. Aren't we jumping the gun here? Bros raibo and mike1304k have made some pertinent points which ought to be considered in depth. Anyway, the information handed out has been sketchy to say the least. There are just too many things unknown to make any sort of 'principled' stand in this example.

if brudders here went to geylang or ktv and see your fren's bf or hubby, will you call the friend and tell them that he see her bf or hubby at these places?

it happen to one of my friend. now his gf is damn upset. Why do the stupid guy need to do this? i helping my friend to curse that guy that call the girl up. this is a unspoken rule for all guys right?

Note that the threadstarter never made it clear if that the 'snitch' in question was even a friend of his friend (the protagonist) to begin with so we should not assume that as a fact. They could just be acquaintances, perfect strangers (otherwise) who might only have met once, or perhaps even mutually-unintroduced parties. You don't need to be 'loyal' or 'faithful' to someone you don't know. To expect everyone (or anyone) to be true to some hazy, unspoken 'ideal' of a universal brotherhood of male humans just sounds completely preposterous. Just where is the treachery here? And it definitely wouldn't even be a betrayal because if the persons involved are not well-acquainted to begin with, there just wouldn't be any ties or relationship, so as to speak, to even get to the bottom of the first page with. You can't betray what isn't there, or am I wrong? Let us not call it a case of pure and simple backstabbing when the picture clearly isn't obvious.

We also do not know anything about the relationship between the protagonist (whom we shall call 'A') and his GF. But those facts do not particularly matter here. What is more important is that we do not know what is the relationship between the 'snitch' (thereafter, 'B') and A's GF ('C', as follows). How do we know if they are not close friends or not. And mind you, close platonic relationships are possible for many people, even if you might personally think they are impossible or doomed to fail for yourself. While it is entirely plausible for B to harbor untoward intentions towards C, we cannot assume that as a given, based purely on this brief description of events. There is not enough data to even make an informed attribution of motives. But back to that idea of loyalty and friendship first. If it so happens that B and C enjoy a close relationship, then would you not expect B to honor and treasure that particular relationship by disclosing a fact that he might have judged important enough to C for her to desire to be informed as a matter of principle, should the knowledge of such a fact ever fall into any of her friends' laps? How would we know if he didn't weigh the factors or possibly even agonized over them before opening his big mouth? He may have said it lightly, but it's certainly also not improbable that he might have made the announcement with a heavy heart. So if A had somehow betrayed C, and B knew about it and informed C, shouldn't we applaud him for being the one true friend in this case, assuming among other things, that B and C are close friends and that A and B are almost unacquainted? We can't assume some kind of universally-understood and unspoken code of conduct in the name of some holy male brotherhood exists or that if it does, it overrides everything else in every circumstance. I would think that friendship (to anyone, even a close female friend) matters a lot more than some stupid and contrived adherence to an obviously sexist rule. It is just simple logic and you don't need Spock to tell you that. Let's not be prejudiced and accord something meaningless a value that it really shouldn't hold. Would it matter so much if B was a woman? Or a gay dude? Would you feel differently if YOU were in his shoes, and if you've always treated the aggrieved party (in this case, C) like your own sister? And what would you do if it's your REAL brother-in-law involved and you found out that he had gone way beyond the proverbial Fuck-'n'-Forget rule and was seriously endangering his marriage with your dearest and closest sister? What if he still refused to wake up after you had tried to reason with him or even chided him repeatedly? Is it so easy to walk away and do nothing when someone close to you is involved? Friendship and kinship matters. We all agree, do we not? Things are not always as easy and simple as some would want to believe. And to go back to the case at hand, this line of reasoning might still stand strong morally and ethically (depending on a variety of other circumstances), even if B had some kind of ambiguous feelings about C.

And as for B being a two-faced hypocrite even if he was just being a good friend because after all, he had placed himself in a place of sleaze and debauchery in the first place as well, I do not think that we know enough about this hypothetical person to make any additional inference. It is entirely possible that he might just actually hate the whole commercial sex thing with a vengeance too and only happened to be there out of work-related commitments or friendly obligations (a stag night for a bosom buddy whose lifestyle one neither understands nor enjoy, perhaps?). Head away from this forum out into the real world and you would discover that the vast majority of the adult male population in Singapore might only have a distant, occasional and hazy connection to this 'scene'. And in the case that he might actually have some deep personal objections of the moral sort (leaving aside the issue of whether such beliefs are necessarily right or wrong because that matter isn't directly relevant here), or at the very least some kind of unresolved reservations, to the kind of philandering or relationship-related unfaithfulness that happens at such joints, how is what B did (assuming the same set of presuppositions as above applies) a case of duplicity and dishonesty? It definitely wouldn't be envy, that's for sure.

I am only playing the devil's advocate because it just seems as if things have been grossly oversimplified, to put things mildly. It may well be true that (speaking in terms of an extreme, worst-case scenario) A and B are best friends, that B has been scheming to detach C away from A behind his back, that C has been thoroughly brainwashed and manipulated by B, and so on and so forth. But why jump to conclusions? We don't know anything. Even the threadstarter wouldn't completely know because it does not sound like he is one of the major leads in this drama. And for the rest of the audience here, hardly anything has been revealed to them. There is therefore, nothing to judge.

[anathem]

I now adapt a "mind my own business" attitude. If I know of any guys out partying, that's his lifestyle and that's their relationship, I will not inform the girl cos no point getting myself into more trouble. :D

Bro, you are definitely right there, as a matter of principle. Just like you are right about not being judgemental and presumptuous. I do also believe in non-interference and neutrality, especially as one moves outwards along your web of social ties, responsibilities and obligations. The further and looser the relationships, the less one would want to get involved. Why complicate life, even out of goodwill? To me, if things do not directly impact me, it's just really none of my business most of the times, even if I do know a tragedy is in the making. You can only make calls by weighing your relationships with the parties involved. And most acquaintances and even the bulk of your friends, are just a bit too distant. It's not that you don't care. But maybe you just don't care enough. You can't anyway. You learn that in life after a while.

But move it a bit closer and it gets increasingly tricky and complicated. Something along these lines did happene to some of my friends. I'm a close friend of the gal involved (whom we shall call C1) but though I got along pretty well with her beau (A1), it was still a very superficial relationship. Anyway, they were staying abroad so I wasn't directly involved. But another friend (B1, also a good friend of mine), who had introduced them to each other and in a way helped to bring them together, probably could say that he was pretty much equally close to both parties at that point in time. Plus he did do enough shuttling to Europe (where A1 and C1, who had secretly wed, were staying) for work to witness and to be caught in the slow and painful eventual unravelling of the relationship. Anyway, it was ugly and bitter, like an indie flick gone bad, and yes, there were extramarital affairs as well as marital violence, involved as well amongst other things, which I shall not go into. But I do remember one of the final blows that were dealt on A1 and C1's relationship was when B1 kind of literally walked into an affair (more like an ONS) that C1 was having, and he chose not to keep his trap shut but to tell A1 (who wasn't exactly a faithful chap anyway, and that was already public knowledge) about it. And I think he gave him not so much a lecture, but his own perspective (and prescription) on things. It's complicated because everyone knew their pseudo-marriage was doomed to failure anyway. And I knew C1 well enough to know her part in this, to know just what a psychotic nutcase she can be when placed under severe stress and pressure. And i do mean PSYCHOTIC. Still, I love her like a sister. Helps that she has also been my partner's best friend since their teens. But neither me nor her could be there for C1 then. And I can safely say that I would never have done what B1 did. Simply because the dynamics of my relationship with either her or A1 is very different from what B1 enjoys with either of them. Can you say I would be wrong not to tell A1 if I were there? Can you say it's wrong that I value C1 a lot more than A1, whose company I enjoy tremendously but whom I can't say I'm close to at all? Can you say that I am wrong NOT to condemn C1 for cheating, even in private, because I understand her well enough, and that I understand why she did it or allowed it to happen? And I do know that C1 still holds something against B1 even though everything is over today. Scars like that might never heal, because they sit upon deeper, bigger wounds. But while she is entitled to her own perspective and I respect her enough to accept that, I myself cannot hold anything against B1 either. He interfered. But I know him well enough to give him the benefit of doubt that he did so in good faith. He wanted to be accountable to his buddy (A1). How can you blame him then? I certainly can't, even though I know he injured C1 by doing so. He had nothing to gain either way. But he has his own principles to answer to, and ultimately, he'll have to live with the consequences of his own decisions and choices for the rest of his life. He's doing well enough, with respect to this incident.

Nobody is completely right or wrong all of the time. That's the point. Life is truly complicated. It makes you dizzy sometimes. You might not want to be involved but when people close to you are part of the equation, you ARE eventually embroiled somehow. It's just a question of how major the impact is. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn't. When is meddling not meddling? When is not meddling meddling? You can't tell someone else how to live life, for one. But that doesn't mean our lives will not collide in a way you might not expect or like. And that's my point. Look and scratch deep enough and things will always remain a little bit less than clearcut. Think about it, isn't it totally warped to think that a code that protects anonymous philanderers ought to outweigh or overwrite the ties that bind? But even then, nothing is 100% certain. Whatever we want to believe, something as simple as drawing lines or trying to adhere to a code spelling out the rules of engagement in direct, transparent terms isn't always as easy as we think it is. Right and wrong isn't always so clear. Principles? They are wonderful because they are also contradictory and mixed up. When it finally happens to YOU, maybe you'd eventually understand. Before that, let's try to empathize and not dismiss everything so easily, waving everything away with a magic wand that paints the universe in such an arbitrary and shallow distinction between either black or white. Why be so quick to judge either way? And whatever the case may be, people living in glass houses ought to not cast the first stone.

Gosh, these two posts look long. No offence intended. Must be the school holidays...

:D

[Gentle Beast]

if brudders here went to geylang or ktv and see your fren's bf or hubby, will you call the friend and tell them that he see her bf or hubby at these places?

it happen to one of my friend. now his gf is damn upset. Why do the stupid guy need to do this? i helping my friend to curse that guy that call the girl up. this is a unspoken rule for all guys right?

No man should squeal on another man's related vice activities. This is an unspoken rule. Personally I wouldn't even do it to my enemy, and this guy doing it has ulterior motives.

[HCKing]

No man should squeal on another man's related vice activities. This is an unspoken rule. Personally I wouldn't even do it to my enemy, and this guy doing it has ulterior motives.

must be trying to score pt with the guy's gf. an opportunist.:D