Back Stabbed - from a friend to friend

[shadowlunar04]

Hi there, I had to start a new thread to seek some advices out there. Here goes,

I had a friend, knew him since secondary school, can say he is my blood brother. He had just go steady with his current gf not long ago. You see, this friend of mine is a below average guy, in terms of looks and career. He has been trying to court gals since he came out to work, about 8 years. I can say his sucessfully rate is below 20% and all the breakups were initial by the gfs. I really pitied him.

I also know his current gf (she was one of my ex-colleagues who happened to join my friend's company last year, I came to know only few months back), and helped him to court this ex-colleague of mine. I knew my friend was courting her, so sometimes I asked her out to put in good words for my friend. Things went well and my ex-colleague went steady with my friend.

The incident started when I was shopping with another close friend of mine (army friend), knew him since army days, about 10 years. We met my blood brother and his gf at Raffles City Shopping Mall. We introduced one another. I didn't know this army friend of mine also took fancy on my ex-colleague then.

4 of us did went out twice. It was then my army friend got the contact number of my ex-colleague. They started seeing each other and going out. This was done without my knowledge until my friend called me this afternoon and told me the whole thing. I called my army friend and ex-colleague to confirm. Both of them admitted to it. Worse still, my friend threatened to whallop my army friend. I spent a few hours, on and off, trying to pacify my friend.

I'm in Batam now. I wanted to go back to help my friend to settle the matter in peace. But, I couldn't, because of the job commitment here, I have to stay back a few more days. I'm in dilemma right now. All I can do is call my friend and try to talk some sense into him. But, it's difficult because he has a rather bad temper.

Dear bros, pls help to suggest something useful which I can use it immediately or at least stall it until I get to the country. Thanks for the help and advices.

Pls do not give useless comments or luo jing xia shi (throw stones down the well). I don't need that right now.

[rahl]

Sounds like a difficult situation for you to solve, bro. Why not pass the buck? Your close friend has any family members or mutual friends who can talk some sense into him in the meantime?

[tittyhawk]

When matters of the heart are involved, its especially hard to dissolved. Its not your fault, dont drool over it.

Matters like this is best let it takes its own course, coz no matter how much you invest your effort in, it aint going to turn out the way you want it to be.

My suggestion - Said what you have to said although you will feel guilty towards your friend, but there is nothing you can do at this moment. I assume your female friend also express interest in going out with your army friend so its not entirely your fault.

Just my humble one cent worth.. :)

[cumminology]

Bro, this is a very tough situation you got yourself in. But seriously all's fair in the game of love. Moreover they are all adults with choices of their own. You should advise your friend that maybe it is better this way, since if she treasure their relationship, she would not go out with your army friend. She's treating the relationship this way now, it's sooner or later this may happen. Even if he beats up yr army friend, it won't change a thing. The girl is not an object, therefore she chose to do what she do. Tell your friend to look at it from this aspect and try to move on.

[shadowlunar04]

Seriously speaking, when it comes love matters, I don't want even want to touch it, if I have a choice. But, I can't.

Main reason is because I encouraged my friend to court my ex-colleague. I also persuaded my ex-colleague to accept my friend's courtship. I started out doing it as a good deed but it ended up in a mess.

I don't want to finger point who is right and who is wrong. What I want is to solve this in a peaceful manner. If I can pull out, I will definately pull out, trust me on this bros. You can say I'm guilty or whatever. But I feel that I have partial responsibilty on this matter. If any of the parties get hurt, I will feel very guilty. :(

[onion_rings]

Bro seems like u have a tricky situaction right now..From your writing can sense your buddy not only wanted to wallop him..But to kill him too..Knn yr army friend buay swee..But that's not the point..Cos what u should really do is try to advise & inform your army friend to avoid yr buddy at all cost 1st(which i think u should'nt)..Just to avoid a bloodbath..Try also to keep track of what your buddy will do & tell him getting a criminal offences for this woman not worth it lah(sui xin yang hua)..Also remind your buddy that ur very sorry(not bcos u recommend yr army fren to him leh..But u will lose such good buddy sort of) & also think of his own family too..I can understand he will most probably still go for him..Unless yr army pal also that kind of hot headed type..If not he will also heed your advise & wait for u come back asap to settle the bad blood of your buddy & friend..Most importantly advise your army pal & her new GF not to answer his call anymore..Cos worry your buddy definitely will hurl abuses & make your army friend very angry too..

Hope it will help you & dun worry so much.. :)

[DNAT]

I think --- just leave it to those parties invovled .. that 2 guys and the gal ... you just intro them as frens, its up to the 3 of them to mix and match. - This is a freedoom of choice world.

sorry if I sound cynical :o

[shadowlunar04]

Thanks for the advices, bros. Think I have to go offline for the night. Just called my friend, I think the situation is getting out of hand. I going to back now, hope I can catch the last ferry back. :(

[onion_rings]

Thanks for the advices, bros. Think I have to go offline for the night. Just called my friend, I think the situation is getting out of hand. I going to back now, hope I can catch the last ferry back. :(
All e best to u bro...Hope it will turn out fine as u want it to be... :)

[DNAT]

Thanks for the advices, bros. Think I have to go offline for the night. Just called my friend, I think the situation is getting out of hand. I going to back now, hope I can catch the last ferry back. :(
I hope things get settled at your end ...
take penguin .. last ferry from Btm Ctr to Sg = 11pm + Sg time

[diesel]

I had a friend, knew him since secondary school, can say he is my blood brother. He had just go steady with his current gf not long ago. You see, this friend of mine is a below average guy, in terms of looks and career. He has been trying to court gals since he came out to work, about 8 years. I can say his sucessfully rate is below 20% and all the breakups were initial by the gfs. I really pitied him.From this paragraph, I suppose your blood brother is about the same age as you.


I also know his current gf (she was one of my ex-colleagues who happened to join my friend's company last year, I came to know only few months back), and helped him to court this ex-colleague of mine. I knew my friend was courting her, so sometimes I asked her out to put in good words for my friend. Things went well and my ex-colleague went steady with my friend. The second paragraph tells us that you are doing a good deed for your blood brother because of his failure in past relationships with girls.*Taken note that you have explained in your first paragraph.


The incident started when I was shopping with another close friend of mine (army friend), knew him since army days, about 10 years. We met my blood brother and his gf at Raffles City Shopping Mall. We introduced one another. I didn't know this army friend of mine also took fancy on my ex-colleague then.I suppose you are more than 28 years old (calculated approximately after 10 years from now). At this age, you can't solve by your own?

4 of us did went out twice. It was then my army friend got the contact number of my ex-colleague. They started seeing each other and going out. This was done without my knowledge until my friend called me this afternoon and told me the whole thing. I called my army friend and ex-colleague to confirm. Both of them admitted to it. Worse still, my friend threatened to whallop my army friend. I spent a few hours, on and off, trying to pacify my friend.Why did four of you go out together? You must be the one who arranged the outing because your ex-army mate (fantasized of your blood brother's girlfiend; quoted from a highlighted sentence in pale green colour in 3rd paragraph) must have suggested to organise one. Partial fault lies on you too. Do you admit?

You have spent hours pacifying your friend? Which friend? You have so many friend. Your blood brother now becomes your friend. Supposedly, you have file a court appeal to CJ YPH, your case will be dimissed right away by the judical panel. :D Of course, I know you must be referring to your army mate.

How or what have you pacified to your army mate? My dear shadowlunar04, it has nothing to do with your army mate or your blood brother. However, from your incomplete story narrated, the actual causer could be your your ex-collegue who is your current blood brother's girlfriend. At this point, clear 'boh'?


I'm in Batam now. I wanted to go back to help my friend to settle the matter in peace. But, I couldn't, because of the job commitment here, I have to stay back a few more days. I'm in dilemma right now. All I can do is call my friend and try to talk some sense into him. But, it's difficult because he has a rather bad temper.You are one funny chap leh. Since you know what to do (from the above sentence highlighted in yellow-green colour), why are you asking for help from us? :confused: What can you do if you are back?

You already know it is difficult to give him advice because he is on the "boiling point" at this stage and can't listen to you. Then, why do you want still want to talk to him?

[Castrol]

i think the army friend is fucked up.
even if it is the girl who took the initiative, the army friend should check with bro shadow first, not go out with her secretly.

will this army friend go out with bro shadow's gf if he ever gets the chance? no brainner this.....
i'd say dont fuck care both fucked up army friend and girl, tell the blood bro if the girl come back to him now also not shiok already lah. move on.

just a piece of friendly advice in general, it is best not to intro too much; gf, bf, friends, colleagues, relatives etc...
something bad happens, and there you are in the middle!

[rahl]

i think the army friend is fucked up.
even if it is the girl who took the initiative, the army friend should check with bro shadow first, not go out with her secretly.

I dont agree with this.

First, no need for bro shadowlunar to feel guilty. What he did was neutral. What happened next was the actions and decisions of mature adults.

Two, its unfair to make judgement on anyone involved unless you know the case deeply. Things like relationship, where feelings are concerned, are very hard to rationalise like black and white.

It sounds to me like the army friend and gal are just getting together and developing something. Is the main concern now to inform shadowlunar and ask for his opinion?

You might ask, why didnt the gal tell the bf about her new relationship. Wont she not know about his past and his bad temper?

Relationships start and some relationships fail. Who to blame? I wont be so sure as to blame anyone for certain in this case.

My two cents. Cheers.

[Cheri_Popper]

It takes two hands to clap. All of them are adults and have make their own choice. There is nothing much you can do right now.

I can understand your close friend's feeling of being "back stabbed" but remember it really takes both hand to clap.

If the 3rd party isn't your army friend, there will be someone else!! It seem that their relationship is not that strong.

Tell your friend that even if she don't leave him for another guy now, it will be a matter of time that she will leave him for another person. As long as she is not married to him, she still have her right to choose who she wants to be with!

Hammering him is not worth it and it will not solve the problem. It could also lead to a Police case. Your friend might be charged for Sec 323 Cap 224 Volunatarily Causing Hurt. If during the fight your friend accidentally "kill" the other person it is worth it to be charge for Culpable Homocide Not Amounting To Murder (Manslaughter) where he will have to spend nearly a decade behind bars??

What is yours will always be yours. If it is not mean to be there is no point of carrying on the relationship.

Tell him to cool down and think about it. Don't ever let anger and "face" ruin his life! There are many other fishes in the Ocean!

Take Care Bro Shadowlunar04

[Phucker]

aiyah, just tell your fren that this kinda zao sai gf not worth getting into trouble for lah. wanna kill or beat ppl bcos of a gal then better make sure the gal's worth it.

she can zao sai your fren, i bet she will zao sai your army fren eventually, just a matter of time only....thats what we call retribution.

life goes on, plenty of gals out there. why ruin his future over a woman

[asdfghjkl]

listening to advices is important right now..

[notti_boi]

think u should speak to the women... let her decide who she wants... then u will have to spend the time trying to ask the other guy to give her up.

[Phucker]

frankly speaking, the gal is either undecided or she wants the army guy, or else she wouldn't do this kinda shit in the 1st place.
my advice to your fren is fuck care abt the cha bor, even if she comes crying back to him, get rid of her lah. never trust a woman who betrays u.
might sound stern, but if she can do it once, there's no guarantee that there won't be a 2nd time. he deserves better.

[asdfghjkl]

phucker had said the right thing.. never trust her if she had betrayed once already.. who knows when is her second time..

[WWEF]

No one exactly is at fault here.....if die die have to find fault then i think YOU and the girl is at fault.
U should have known if the girl is the "zao sai" type......why still intro guys to her? Especially that your friend, her BF, is below average, as u said.
Most ironic of all, u actually intro a "i like to sian other ppl's GF" type of friend to a "zao sai" girl.
What a combo hit u have gave to your poor, close friend.

That kind of girl, sooner or later will "zao sai" one what.....
But die die the 3rd party is u intro 1....actually u damn suay....

Not say give u advice, cos if me kanna also blur like u....But this is wat i will do....
Divert his anger to the girl, instead of the 3rd party....
Tell him she is not worth it.
Say sorry to him, 4 intro such a friend of yours....
tell him sooner or later this will happen anyway....
Of course, all of the above is extra, if u can still intro a better GF to him... :)

Take care bro, i have got a bad feeling that once he has finished with the both of them, he might have a go at u. No kidding......at least that's what i think...Be pepared to face his anger after he is done with them.

Finally bro, like in SB forum, give contacts also must test water a bit 1st wat....Or else contact give to wrong ppl like AV how....Somemore in real life sia.....be careful who u intro to yr friends next time....
Hope u learn from your lesson.

[WWEF]

but if she can do it once, there's no guarantee that there won't be a 2nd time. he deserves better.
I think it should be " if she can do it once, then guarantee there will be a 2nd or 3rd or blah blah times." Hehe :)

[casannova03]

If the gal really wants to go with ur army friend, then ask you other blood brother if this is the type of gal he wants for a GF or even a wife?? No matter how pretty she is or how good ur blood bro may think she is, there are a lot of better ones out there ...its just that he din have the chance to meet the one yet. Advice ur blood bro that its no use crying over spilled milk and tell him that he have to let the other two F....Rs see that he can carry on with his life without the gal....and of coure if the gal can do it to ur blood bro, he can do it to the arm friend too...so ask him to get on with life and meet more ppl!!

Hope this helps.....:)

[Castrol]

Two, its unfair to make judgement on anyone involved unless you know the case deeply. Things like relationship, where feelings are concerned, are very hard to rationalise like black and white.

It sounds to me like the army friend and gal are just getting together and developing something. Is the main concern now to inform shadowlunar and ask for his opinion?

You might ask, why didnt the gal tell the bf about her new relationship. Wont she not know about his past and his bad temper?

.

hell no judgement from me, just condemning the army friend whom threadstarter may have trusted.

doesnt matter whatever feelings or relationship. whatever love connection they may be developing is not something i give a shit about.

i'm talking about the betrayal.

why didnt she tell the bf about her new relationship?
you mean like this; "hey, i am having a relationship with the new guy who went out with us before, do you mind? at least he is OUR friend....."

the only thing i agree with you is, we do not know the case "deeply".
what is written, is what i read, is what i respond/reply to.

cheers! ;)

[l3atu]

If the 3rd party isn't your army friend, there will be someone else!! It seem that their relationship is not that strong.

Tell your friend that even if she don't leave him for another guy now, it will be a matter of time that she will leave him for another person. As long as she is not married to him, she still have her right to choose who she wants to be with!


This, I agree with you. :p

Thread starter, tell ur 'bloodbrother' the fault lies with the gal having an itchy CB....wanna hammer ? Hammer the gal. :D

[rahl]

i'm talking about the betrayal.

Well, I dont think its a betrayal. One gal finds another guy she likes better...betrayal?

In any case, no harm done bro. Just my opinion anyways. Cheers.

[Castrol]

Well, I dont think its a betrayal. One gal finds another guy she likes better...betrayal?

In any case, no harm done bro. Just my opinion anyways. Cheers.

i understand, bro. just different schools of thoughts.

to me, there are billions of bushes and boobs around, dont have to touch a friend's girl, even if she asks for it.

[DNAT]

Thread starter, tell ur 'bloodbrother' the fault lies with the gal having an itchy CB....wanna hammer ? Hammer the gal. :D

your hammer = meaning what? ;)

[l3atu]

your hammer = meaning what? ;)

U mean u dun know how a hammer looks like ? :p

[DNAT]

U mean u dun know how a hammer looks like ? :p

but ppl always call me M C hammer :o izit I look like a hammer ??

[l3atu]

but ppl always call me M C hammer :o izit I look like a hammer ??

Abit lar...just like when u all call me 'ah tu'...I dun look 'tu' rite ? :D

[DNAT]

Abit lar...just like when u all call me 'ah tu'...I dun look 'tu' rite ? :D

better scoot .. off topic liao :o

[Happosai]

Shadowluna04: IMO, the best route to take in such situation is to let nature take it's own course and may the best man win. Try to drill that into your friend, take it cool and if it's your's the it will be your's. Even if your ex colleage is already at BF/GF stage with your friend already, and if your army mate can easily snatch her away from him.... If I'm in your friend's shoe I'll be more piss at the gal than the army dude. Such gals are not worth it, give her a banana kick and send her back to ming dynasty. The army dude has indirectly help your friend by exposing the weakness of the relationship and the character defect of the chick. At least it happen now and not after marriage. Tell your friend to look on the bright side and move on.

If the gal and your friend are not invovle to the relationship stage yet, the you should advise your friend to be more mature and accept the fact that the army dude IS the better man.

[diesel]

Dear shadowlunar04, many kind hearted samsters are contributing their opinions. Please do not play hide & seek with us.
even if it is the girl who took the initiative, the army friend should check with bro shadow first, not go out with her secretly.
Tell your friend that even if she don't leave him for another guy now, it will be a matter of time that she will leave him for another person. As long as she is not married to him, she still have her right to choose who she wants to be with!
she can zao sai your fren, i bet she will zao sai your army fren eventually, just a matter of time only....thats what we call retribution.
frankly speaking, the gal is either undecided or she wants the army guy, or else she wouldn't do this kinda shit in the 1st place. my advice to your fren is fuck care abt the cha bor, even if she comes crying back to him, get rid of her lah. never trust a woman who betrays u. might sound stern, but if she can do it once, there's no guarantee that there won't be a 2nd time. he deserves better.

think u should speak to the women... let her decide who she wants... then u will have to spend the time trying to ask the other guy to give her up.
No one exactly is at fault here.....if die die have to find fault then i think YOU and the girl is at fault.
Most ironic of all, u actually intro a "i like to sian other ppl's GF" type of friend to a "zao sai" girl. What a combo hit u have gave to your poor, close friend. That kind of girl, sooner or later will "zao sai" one what.....But die die the 3rd party is u intro 1....actually u damn suay....
If the gal really wants to go with ur army friend, then ask you other blood brother if this is the type of gal he wants for a GF or even a wife??
Even if your ex colleage is already at BF/GF stage with your friend already, and if your army mate can easily snatch her away from him.... If I'm in your friend's shoe I'll be more piss at the gal than the army dude. Such gals are not worth it, give her a banana kick and send her back to ming dynasty.
That is what I expected in my first post. shadowlunar04, from the above summary quoted from these helpful samsters, you must know who to blame and you should know what to do by now!

[shadowlunar04]

Thanks for the advice and comments from all bros.

Just came back from work, now logging on from hotel internet.

I had a good talk with my bro last night I managed to convince him to sit down and to have a good talk with his gf. Where and when, I don't care. I have not right or want to get into it anymore.

Just to make things a bit clearer.

1) I did not intro this ex-colleague of mine to my bro. She joined his company and he took a fancy of her first. He expressed interest to her first before I helped to push a bit. Read my 1st posting carefully.

2) Like I said before, I DO NOT and WILL NOT want to get involve in any form of love matters other than mine. I had no choice, in this case, because there's gonna be a physical violent involved. I, merely, just want to prevent the violent from happening, not resolving the love matters. The mess they created, will have to be clean up by themselves, full stop.

3) I know now my bro's gf is a two timer. But, put yourself in my bro's shoes. If you have get involved with her, and this thing happened on you. Will you able to pull out just by saying you can? Come on, there are true feelings put in. Everything happened so fast, just like a avalanche. Will you be rational enough to sort everything out?

Anyway, I have done my part. The rest is all up to them.

[rahl]

Fully agreed, bro.

[Bohemian001]

ya... guess u did wat I would have done...not to get involve in the 'feeling' part of the whole affair but to put out the fire in case it happens.... cos all parties are sort of interlinked to u... we can't justify betrayal in this case cos we're not in the shoe to comment... but hten again perphaps the 'prosecutor' out there, Bro Diesel could.............. :D

[Phucker]

Thanks for the advice and comments from all bros.

Just came back from work, now logging on from hotel internet.

I had a good talk with my bro last night I managed to convince him to sit down and to have a good talk with his gf. Where and when, I don't care. I have not right or want to get into it anymore.

Just to make things a bit clearer.


Anyway, I have done my part. The rest is all up to them.

good lah, anyway relationships are messy stuff....try not to get involved especially when it aint yours cos end up there won't be any thanks but alot of ppl cursing or blaming u.
let them settle it themselves, u did what u can as a fren. no need to feel guilty. there's no one to blame exactly for a failed relationship, surely all parties are somewhat at fault. this kind of things can't force, your fren might be emotionally agitated, but he should take time to cool off and decide if this kind of gal is worth him getting so upset over lor. aiyah, bring him go gl relieve his frustrations lah...hehe

[nivlac]

such thing often happen lahz. sometime its a good thing to ur frend at least he knew wat kinda of gf he is having but count urself 'suay' that ur army frend went too far lahz