Sex Life after Marriage

[bossy_miaomiao]

Originally Posted by Jabadabadoo

I remember when was in school overseas and the angmo teacher asked the language class whether there can be love without sex, to which the Japanese students unanimously said NO...!

Why do girls think that relationship without sex is unbearable? Maybe it boils down to the fact that if he is not ml to you then he must be ml to someone else - That's unbearable, I agree.

But if he is just jerking off whenever he needs to, does that hurt the relationship? If he still gives u a shoulder to lie on at night, is that enough love, or is sex really necessary?

Why he need to jerk it off if he got wife to enjoy love making?

As a lady, ML sure come with love... No love No sex

And, should say "make love" and not sex..

Since we are not that old or sick till cannot perform ML, why only give me a shoulder? and not your warmth hugsss, kissses...

A love relationship without ML is incompleted ...

[Softcore]

Originally Posted by Fade

Precisely! Married already and wife beside him - still got the guts to stare at gals openly? What does he take the wife for? Maid ah? Should show the wife some respect. I will be totally embarrassed with a hubby who behaves like a teeko pek in public. If i am the gal being stared at, i will wonder what kind of man the woman married and will feel ultra sorry for her.

You're missing the point. He's already your husband - even if he admires them from afar, at the end of the day you're still the one he's going to sleep with.

Plus, you're thinking too much about the consequences, sort of like why many guys don't dare to approach women out of the blue.

Be less uptight and things will be rosier!

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by Fade

Good works of art are definitely worth the appreciation. Respect the master piece by acknowledging its presence. If you bring the master piece out, be proud of it and show it off like your prized possesion. You can have a collection of good art, but the masterpiece is always special and more valuable.

Unfortunately mine is just a piece of counterfeit that looks like the masterpiece...looks very much like the real thing but actually worthless in value..

[ah_heng81]

Originally Posted by naughtyben22

Sis Fade,

As I'm reading this thread, I cried cos' it makes me ponder on my own marriage... Fyi, I'm only into my 2nd year of marriage but to summarise it, it's almost a sexless marriage...y?

Firstly, my wife's short-temper is really a turn off... I have problems communicating with her and can't even exchange a few jokes with her......she'll end up misinterpreting my message and there she goes, giving me the super black face... most of the time she's petty and ultra-sensitive, very hard to please her.... when I see her black face, you can forget about having sex even if she stands infront of me naked!

Secondly, she doesn't bother to take care of her image... she hardly does even the slightest makeup and sometimes doesn't give a damn on her dressing.. like that how to turn me on? And she doesn't seem to watch her diet and loves to eat a lot, and especially the sinful cheese! So many times ppl around her feedback saying she had put on weight and she simply just laughs it off and next min nothing goes in her head. Well, ended up I look at other women most of the time and when she caught me doing that, volcano erupted!!

Sadly, she doesn't realise all these despite quarelling many times...she never learnt... of cos, not that I'm a saint... In fact, I usually said sorry to her first after a quarrel.... dun like to go to bed with bad blood against one another...

I think both my wife and myself also need to go marriage counselling...my advice is: go seek help, early...

Than why u marry her in the first place ?

[Fade]

Recovering an old archival post to reflect upon myself...
dear bros and sis who have shared their views and thoughts.. I m grateful for all ur support. After all these years, things remained unchanged. 8 years of marriage without sex and he has gone into isolation while I achieved zen. We are still together but just strangers to each other with zero communication. My heart aches as I sit beside him typing this out now.

[Shadow_warrior]

Originally Posted by Fade

Recovering an old archival post to reflect upon myself...
dear bros and sis who have shared their views and thoughts.. I m grateful for all ur support. After all these years, things remained unchanged. 8 years of marriage without sex and he has gone into isolation while I achieved zen. We are still together but just strangers to each other with zero communication. My heart aches as I sit beside him typing this out now.

hi, you are a sis I guess

As a man, I long for my wife love and care and passion
And you do so for your husband. What a interesting deck of cards, fate plays

Thanks for your post, you made me realize it is wrong to say women don't want sex after marriage and kids.

Although it seems that men seem to voice it out more, and naturally so since its SBF. Perhaps on a woman's forum, we see the same complaints of men

I have not had sex with my wife for perhaps 3 years now. Before that, we stopped for 4, so total 7? we started to do it because we wanted a child. After that, its stopped again.

I do wonder how couples deal with urges. I have become good friends with my hands and also rubber toys. But then again, I try to be responsible as a father and husband and not bring issues home that will disgrace us.

[NDjokovic]

Originally Posted by Fade

Recovering an old archival post to reflect upon myself...
dear bros and sis who have shared their views and thoughts.. I m grateful for all ur support. After all these years, things remained unchanged. 8 years of marriage without sex and he has gone into isolation while I achieved zen. We are still together but just strangers to each other with zero communication. My heart aches as I sit beside him typing this out now.

Feel bad for you sis

[chick]

Originally Posted by Fade

Recovering an old archival post to reflect upon myself...
dear bros and sis who have shared their views and thoughts.. I m grateful for all ur support. After all these years, things remained unchanged. 8 years of marriage without sex and he has gone into isolation while I achieved zen. We are still together but just strangers to each other with zero communication. My heart aches as I sit beside him typing this out now.

Sis Fade,

I would share this article with u, not in hope that you will move on but in hope that you see light and make the right decision. Find the courage to love yourself more, to make yourself happy and a bright future lies ahead.

Somehow, I am in a similar cross road and my partner has moved out. Unable to sleep well, waking up twice every night no matter how late getting to bed, sometimes in cold sweat. I am sure your situation is not as bad as mine.

All the best.

http://www.lifehack.org/534853/3-war...hip-even-hurts

[bigass]

There are many divorce cases that couples are waiting for their kids to be old enough to take care of themselves and go on separate ways.

[Deesiaokia]

sometimes i really envy those couples that are married with kids still having regular ml sessions. i too, facing the same problem with many of the braddars here too, wife not into ml sessions after giving birth. from hinting to begging till outsourcing to both hands. but one thing for sure is IF my wife initial, no matter how tired i m , i sure go all way out to make sure is that is a good quality session cos is like striking 4D.
Divorce for 6 years, and Maybe due to those **trainings** during those few years by my wife , i now can tahan life without sex . Dont know is a good thing or bad thing lol.

[Fade]

Originally Posted by chick

Sis Fade,

I would share this article with u, not in hope that you will move on but in hope that you see light and make the right decision. Find the courage to love yourself more, to make yourself happy and a bright future lies ahead.

Somehow, I am in a similar cross road and my partner has moved out. Unable to sleep well, waking up twice every night no matter how late getting to bed, sometimes in cold sweat. I am sure your situation is not as bad as mine.

All the best.

http://www.lifehack.org/534853/3-war...hip-even-hurts

Thanks for your kind words Sis Chick. Hope you will find solace soon. Maybe you can share your encounter with us...

[Fade]

A chronology of past 9 Years in our sexless marriage:

2009: I continue begging him for sex every night and wished that things will take a turn. However, the more I beg, the more he resisted me. Tried all ways to pursue him, from being the gentle little lamb to the wild crazy bitch but simply nothing pleases him. He gets annoyed to the extent that he enter the bedroom only after I sleep. Everyday I cried, thinking myself as a total worthless piece of shit.

2010: I discovered that he goes for massage sessions at a HDB home run by PRCs. He got the contacts on SBF. When I confronted him, He insisted that no sex was involved and he was there to relieve his chronic backache. I trusted his words and did not pursue the matter. I continued to pester him but every attempt is futile. Soon he starts to stone-wall me and by this time, he is completely emotionally detached and doesn't care a bit about my well-being. From a Wife I turned his enemy.

From time to time, I thouht about getting a divorce but on the other hand I so badly want to give ourselves a final chance. While he continue to play his role as the Father to our kid by providing financial needs, the emotional impact made was too great for me to bear. I couldn't understand what's going on and every confrontation made only proof me to be a crazy woman trying to communicate to a wall. He refused to talk to me for days, weeks and even months.

One fine day, a very kind Sis here shared the term 'PASSIVE AGGRESSIVENESS in MAN' with me and I read up and did alot of research on it. Finally it came to light that I have married a passive aggressive man! It's actually a psychological issue that we can tackle with Counselling. As my Husband fitted every characteristic of a PA man to a T, I sugggested to him that we shall head for consultation. That being said, he refused to admit that he has got a problem and his hatred towards me brewed. Another barrier came crashing down for us.

2011: Things are totally going in a wrong direction for us but I was still hopeful.
I began to take on the role of an understanding Wife. I no longer initiate any sexual advance and left him completely alone for his own time. He hangs out late with his friends at night and I never question who he is with. At this time, he has also grown completely addicted to his mobile phone. Everywhere he goes, he will be glued to his phone. From PS4 to his mobile.. I am never his priority.
If I ever ask him for any help, he will always procrastinate or do a very sloppish job so I wouldn't ask him to do it anymore. That's a very typical behaviour of a PA man. As such, i don't rely on him anymore. On top of my stressful job, I do the housework and took care of the kid and his folks at home. To stay sane, I sought solace in religion.

2012 -2015: I was very bitter but still cling on to the hope of a blissful marriage. I needed to persuade him to seek treatment ASAP. From initiating sexual advances, I now switch to pestering him to go for treatment and Counselling for his PA traits. He had a hard time with me as I turned hostile from time to time if I fail in persuading him. Our relationship was totally strained.

He grew more and more impatient with me but never did he initiate divorce terms. Instead, he came back home one day and broke the news that he had taken on a new role in his job and he will be posted overseas for this position. It was a sudden arrangement and no prior discussion was made with me or his folks. He left shortly leaving me and the kid behind. He return to SG only for once a year and while he was away, we hardly kept in touch except for matters concerning our kid. I have learnt to cope without him in my life.

2016 to now: He return to SG as his company downsize. He quitted shortly and got a new job that requires frequent travelling. Although we see each other more often now but an invisible barrier has been formed. We can totally ignore each other's presence at some point and go about our daily lives as normal. We keep our kid busy and distracted planning lots of enrichment classes for her. We always make sure she is the priority now when it comes to our marriage. Till today, he refused to open up to talk about our sex life while I am constantly pressured by his folks and relatives to have another baby.

Yes.. I am tired. Very tired of this marriage and getting angrier with myself each day for not able to do anything. The only solution I have is to leave.

Just sharing this very personal experience of mine to raise the awareness of Passive agreesiveness in man. Other research I did suggested that it's hardly possible to change the PA traits in man. It's better to leave before the partner gets depression.

[sxem]

Marriage is such a broken institution.

[fookydud]

Marriage indeed requires both hands to clap

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by Fade

A chronology of past 9 Years in our sexless marriage:

Hi Sis very sorry to hear about your situation but from the perspective of a man, I hate to say this but your man is most likely involved with another...