The old times.... - Page 52

ben2011 · #**766** 29-05-2014, 09:59 AM

Bro, now i have a clearer picture...

1st u still love her? ask yourself
2nd she still love you? ask your wife

If both answer is YES, should be no problem on sex, try it...and forgive and forget and work harder to improve ur r/s with wife and sex (I must say sex is an important part, consider ur wife is having a lover out there)
Women only need 2 things....love and sex. If she have these 2 from you, should be satisfy and happily together.

If either one of the answer is No, then divorce is obviously the answer, no point to drag, no need to think so hard too...Not good for you, not good for your wife, not good for your 2 kids, not good for the unborn babe....

I am realli sad for u....But this is life, u need to talk to her and made a decision together with her.

Bro, be tough....

zerofighter · #**767** 29-05-2014, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ben2011

Bro, now i have a clearer picture...

1st u still love her? ask yourself
2nd she still love you? ask your wife

If both answer is YES, should be no problem on sex, try it...and forgive and forget and work harder to improve ur r/s with wife and sex (I must say sex is an important part, consider ur wife is having a lover out there)
Women only need 2 things....love and sex. If she have these 2 from you, should be satisfy and happily together.

If either one of the answer is No, then divorce is obviously the answer, no point to drag, no need to think so hard too...Not good for you, not good for your wife, not good for your 2 kids, not good for the unborn babe....

I am realli sad for u....But this is life, u need to talk to her and made a decision together with her.

Bro, be tough....

Bro u have posed a good question... A question which i find it difficult to ans whenever fatty ask me this... Guess my heart have went cold through this series of events... what is left is kam cheng for this marriage ba... After all she is still the mum of 2 kids.... 9 years of marriage...

As for her feelings towards me now... i clearly know where i stand ba... the feelings given to him cannot be retrieved that easily ba... what she feel towards me is a sense of gratefulness ba.... ( That is what she told me....)
When i heard that.... one thing come to my mind.... Love and gratefulness is two different matters ba.... Feelings cannot be forced... it will take a long time.... ( lots of patience and love to build the passion again.....)

Sex... not now ba when she is pregnant.... too risky le.. i am ok with it since my sex drive have been damn low with all that is going on...

Yup i will be tough.... may arrange for marriage counseling with the pastor once i am back from my working trip... Bros be with me k... as i am really tired now... have nt been eating well for the past days... fever coming back again... will try to wrap up the work asap as i really miss my boys alot....

Bro ben... i am glad to have u at my side when things r going tough... really appreciate it... same goes to bro 5121314.... it will be nice to have bro tai zi here too.....

pusiliker · #**768** 29-05-2014, 04:33 PM

TS
Now then you tell us that you knew your wife was unfaithful from more then 6 months ago. That you have forgiven her thinking she had broken up with her lover. So I suppose she got pregnant within the last 2-3 months?

Then all I can say is she is taking YOU for a sucker! Your wife must have thought her lover loved her and she him. She might even intentionally got herself pregnant so as to get a divorce from you thinking her lover would do the same to his wife and ultimately marry her. But when she found out that he didn't want to be responsible she start to suck up to you for forgiveness as the only way out of her dilemma.

If she is still within the safe period for an abortion and does not want to take that option after being jilted by her lover (since that would have been the best way to save her face and keep her pregnancy from you, just abort whilst you are away) then she may just be very deeply in love with him and is still trying to use the baby to win him over.

If she cared for you and her 2 sons by you I would think that she wouldn't want to keep her pregnancy to complicate matters for the future. Did you forbid her going for abortion? Is she avoiding abortion because of her religion? Can't be right because she is committing adultery with another married man!

By your own admittance you no longer love her. She has given you the way out by providing the grounds for divorce. It would be difficult for her to fight for your children's custody. (1 more mouth she can feed perhaps with allowance from her lover but 2 school going boys would be very difficult unless her income is high).

Living with a woman you do not love and having to face evidence of her infidelity everyday for the rest of your life is going to be torturous. What if you lose your job and have to settle for a lower paying one? Then still have to struggle to feed someone else's child?

Can you live without sex for the rest of your life. Can you make love to a woman who had probably suck another man's dick and swallowed his cum? Are you going to seek satisfaction from prostitutes? Are you sure your wife will not seek out her lover again? Hard questions but better seek answers now than later.

Think carefully again what is the best option giving maximum happiness to your sons and yourself. The above advice is given in good faith based on the facts you have revealed so far...unless there are more info you hide to protect the guilty!

Good luck to you.

zerofighter · #**769** 29-05-2014, 05:51 PM

Bro... thanks for yr post... appreciate it....

Again u have posed me questions which i have pondered over the nites withiut an ans.....
Our faith does nt give us an rite for abortion.... furthermore since she still want tp.keep the baby..... i will respect her feelings......

But one thing for certain.....i will not go back to the old ways again..... visiting health centre...etc.... i am nt allow myself to spiral down all the way again....

Other than that...........i really have no answers... perhaps deep in my heart... i have already know the answers......

But i just cant come to the terms of it ba......

Quote:

Originally Posted by pusiliker

TS
Now then you tell us that you knew your wife was unfaithful from more then 6 months ago. That you have forgiven her thinking she had broken up with her lover. So I suppose she got pregnant within the last 2-3 months?

Then all I can say is she is taking YOU for a sucker! Your wife must have thought her lover loved her and she him. She might even intentionally got herself pregnant so as to get a divorce from you thinking her lover would do the same to his wife and ultimately marry her. But when she found out that he didn't want to be responsible she start to suck up to you for forgiveness as the only way out of her dilemma.

If she is still within the safe period for an abortion and does not want to take that option after being jilted by her lover (since that would have been the best way to save her face and keep her pregnancy from you, just abort whilst you are away) then she may just be very deeply in love with him and is still trying to use the baby to win him over.

If she cared for you and her 2 sons by you I would think that she wouldn't want to keep her pregnancy to complicate matters for the future. Did you forbid her going for abortion? Is she avoiding abortion because of her religion? Can't be right because she is committing adultery with another married man!

By your own admittance you no longer love her. She has given you the way out by providing the grounds for divorce. It would be difficult for her to fight for your children's custody. (1 more mouth she can feed perhaps with allowance from her lover but 2 school going boys would be very difficult unless her income is high).

Living with a woman you do not love and having to face evidence of her infidelity everyday for the rest of your life is going to be torturous. What if you lose your job and have to settle for a lower paying one? Then still have to struggle to feed someone else's child?

Can you live without sex for the rest of your life. Can you make love to a woman who had probably suck another man's dick and swallowed his cum? Are you going to seek satisfaction from prostitutes? Are you sure your wife will not seek out her lover again? Hard questions but better seek answers now than later.

Think carefully again what is the best option giving maximum happiness to your sons and yourself. The above advice is given in good faith based on the facts you have revealed so far...unless there are more info you hide to protect the guilty!

Good luck to you.

5121314 · #**770** 29-05-2014, 08:47 PM

Take care bro, veri busy with work.
Will catchup with u ASAP.
Meanwhile take care.

Tazzymercs · #**771** 29-05-2014, 09:40 PM

Bro..allow this youngster here to be blunt. Your experiences in life is well above mine. As the sayings go..you eat salt more than I eat rice. I know I don't have the rights to...give advices...but I'm also married. When I put myself in your shoes and think in a third party...what would I do?

Bro zero. What you are going through is it really love? Or is it just going through the motion? Has the marriage of being together became a habit? A used to it feeling? Or has it become a responsibility as a man of the house? Don't need to reply coz this is what you have to think deeply.

Your wife is bearing other man's child. This is not an issue of face or what. Yes you are a great man by taking up the responsibility in rearing up the innocent child. But let me ask you this..

Can your wife be any more loving after this? Promises after promises to end that relationship but did it end? To her it's love to him it's lust. Can you bring yourself to love her after all?

Love is such bittersweet pill. You have to ask..do you ultimately love her or is it just an responsibility that you must carry on for the sake of the children?

Bro this is an answer you have to find. Love or just responsibility. If staying on..will it help in regaining the love that was lost? You know it better

Once something has crack..it will never be the same again after mending. Even if you can put up with it..can you really bring yourself into it with the feeling that was once lost?

Sometimes divorce is not an easy way out..but is it better...is it the lesser of the two evils? One is keep enduring the loveless marriage or that getting out would be more beneficial? Your kids maybe young. You all can dont need to shift out. Seperate rooms also can. Marriage sometimes is just an excuse if you know.what I meant in a self denial bouts.

Cheers bro.

kuasimi · #**772** 02-06-2014, 12:18 AM

kuasimi · #**773** 02-06-2014, 12:20 AM

Alfredunhill · #**774** 02-06-2014, 01:00 AM

Bro Zero,

Tough times, I really envy your perseverance... at this time rational thought is cloudy. Counselor might work or psychologist. U have to be up for the game..u cant let others affect or judgment.

btw, r u sabahan? kotobian tadao tagazo do kaamatan...

zerofighter · #**775** 02-06-2014, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kuasimi

Thanks bro for yr songs.... esp the story of ah lang... it is a gd one...

Guys... i would like to share this song which really describe my feelings at this moment....