Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread] - Page 546

bigbirdbird · #**8176** 03-12-2017, 12:39 PM

One day, the vagina escaped
from her normal location address and decided to take a walk around the whole body...

She first came across the kidneys and asked "Who are you?"

The kidney answered, "I am the kidney. I remove waste products from the blood and regulate the water fluid level".

She moved on and came across the liver and asked."Who are you?"

The liver replied, "I am the Liver. I detoxify chemicals and metabolise drugs and make proteins important for blood clotting ..."

"I salute you", she said and then moved on and finally came across the heart.

She asked the same question, "Who are you?"

The heart replied. "I am the Heart"

The vagina then screamed,
"Ahaaaa! You are the bastard that I have been looking for."

The heart was amazed and asked, "But why are you so mad at me?"

The vagina replied. "You are the one that goes around apparently falling in love with men. And each time you fall in love, I am the one that gets fucked!!!!"
😀😀😀

bigbirdbird · #**8177** 03-12-2017, 12:40 PM

A teacher asked her class
"What is sex?"
Johnny got up and said:
"Sex is a temptation ,
caused by a sensation
where a boy sticks his location
into a girl's destination
to increase the population
of the next generation .
Did you get my explanation ?
Or do you need a demonstration ?
The teacher fainted😂😂😂😜

bigbirdbird · #**8178** 03-12-2017, 12:41 PM

BEST SALESMAN OF THE YEAR

A China man moves to Montreal & goes to a big dept store looking for a job.

Manager asks, "Do u have any sales experience?"

China man says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home."

Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close n see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice.
If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest to him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. You get the idea?"

"Of course," the China man said. His 1st day on the job was rough but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down. "How many sales did you make today?"

China man says, "1."

Manager groans, "Just 1? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day."

How much was the sale for?"

China man says, "$101,237.64."

Manager exclaims, "What? $101,237.64?! What did you sell him?"

China man replied, "1st I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing, & he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat dept, & I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive dept & sold him that 4X4 Pajero."

Manager says "You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook & you sold him a boat & truck?!"

China man says, "No, no, no, he came in here to buy a box of Kotex for his wife & I said, "Well, since your weekend's already screwed up you might as well go fishing!!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

bigbirdbird · #**8179** 03-12-2017, 12:44 PM

FOC Class

Two Minutes Management Course (Worth Thousand Ringgit)

Lesson One

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.

Management Lesson - To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson Three

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lessons - (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends your Two (2)-Minutes Management Course.

Thank you.

😀😀

NataliePortman · #**8180** 03-12-2017, 02:30 PM

Thx for all the nice jokes.

LydiaSum · #**8181** 03-12-2017, 02:40 PM

Good afternoon and please keep the jokes coming.

DeborahTse · #**8182** 03-12-2017, 02:49 PM

Thanks for all the good jokes.

DiSeptemberino · #**8183** 03-12-2017, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KTVbuddy

hahaha.. good one bro!

Agree with you bro!

LinFengJiao · #**8184** 03-12-2017, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A teacher asked her class
"What is sex?"
Johnny got up and said:
"Sex is a temptation ,
caused by a sensation
where a boy sticks his location
into a girl's destination
to increase the population
of the next generation .
Did you get my explanation ?
Or do you need a demonstration ?
The teacher fainted😂😂😂😜

Haha good one!

flownscoot · #**8185** 03-12-2017, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

One day, the vagina escaped
from her normal location address and decided to take a walk around the whole body...

She first came across the kidneys and asked "Who are you?"

The kidney answered, "I am the kidney. I remove waste products from the blood and regulate the water fluid level".

She moved on and came across the liver and asked."Who are you?"

The liver replied, "I am the Liver. I detoxify chemicals and metabolise drugs and make proteins important for blood clotting ..."

"I salute you", she said and then moved on and finally came across the heart.

She asked the same question, "Who are you?"

The heart replied. "I am the Heart"

The vagina then screamed,
"Ahaaaa! You are the bastard that I have been looking for."

The heart was amazed and asked, "But why are you so mad at me?"

The vagina replied. "You are the one that goes around apparently falling in love with men. And each time you fall in love, I am the one that gets fucked!!!!"
😀😀😀

Nice one bro!

Olivier69 · #**8186** 03-12-2017, 07:57 PM

Very good jokes, more please!!

radioconnect · #**8187** 04-12-2017, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

BEST SALESMAN OF THE YEAR

A China man moves to Montreal & goes to a big dept store looking for a job.

Manager asks, "Do u have any sales experience?"

China man says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home."

Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close n see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice.
If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest to him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. You get the idea?"

"Of course," the China man said. His 1st day on the job was rough but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down. "How many sales did you make today?"

China man says, "1."

Manager groans, "Just 1? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day."

How much was the sale for?"

China man says, "$101,237.64."

Manager exclaims, "What? $101,237.64?! What did you sell him?"

China man replied, "1st I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing, & he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat dept, & I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive dept & sold him that 4X4 Pajero."

Manager says "You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook & you sold him a boat & truck?!"

China man says, "No, no, no, he came in here to buy a box of Kotex for his wife & I said, "Well, since your weekend's already screwed up you might as well go fishing!!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Hahahahaa this is funny

ParkKimSiew · #**8188** 04-12-2017, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

BEST SALESMAN OF THE YEAR

A China man moves to Montreal & goes to a big dept store looking for a job.

Manager asks, "Do u have any sales experience?"

China man says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home."

Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close n see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice.
If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest to him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. You get the idea?"

"Of course," the China man said. His 1st day on the job was rough but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down. "How many sales did you make today?"

China man says, "1."

Manager groans, "Just 1? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day."

How much was the sale for?"

China man says, "$101,237.64."

Manager exclaims, "What? $101,237.64?! What did you sell him?"

China man replied, "1st I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing, & he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat dept, & I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive dept & sold him that 4X4 Pajero."

Manager says "You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook & you sold him a boat & truck?!"

China man says, "No, no, no, he came in here to buy a box of Kotex for his wife & I said, "Well, since your weekend's already screwed up you might as well go fishing!!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

LOL... Indeed the Best Salesman!!

mhee_21 · #**8189** 04-12-2017, 10:38 AM

Haha! Good good

cupid xpress · #**8190** 04-12-2017, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

best salesman of the year

a china man moves to montreal & goes to a big dept store looking for a job.

Manager asks, "do u have any sales experience?"

china man says, "yeah, i was a salesman back home."

well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job.
"you start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close n see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice.
If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest to him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. You get the idea?"

"of course," the china man said. His 1st day on the job was rough but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down. "how many sales did you make today?"

china man says, "1."

manager groans, "just 1? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day."

how much was the sale for?"

china man says, "$101,237.64."

manager exclaims, "what? $101,237.64?! What did you sell him?"

china man replied, "1st i sold him a small fish hook. Then i sold him a medium fishhook. Then i sold him a larger fishhook. Then i sold him a new fishing rod.
Then i asked him where he was going fishing, & he said down at the coast, so i told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat dept, & i sold him that twin engine chris craft.
Then he said he didn't think his honda civic would pull it, so i took him down to the automotive dept & sold him that 4x4 pajero."

manager says "you mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook & you sold him a boat & truck?!"

china man says, "no, no, no, he came in here to buy a box of kotex for his wife & i said, "well, since your weekend's already screwed up you might as well go fishing!!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂