Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[bigbirdbird]

Tarzan leaves the jungle, comes to civilization, and applies for a job.

Interviewer: Name?

Tarzan: Me Tarzan

Interviewer: Married?

Tarzan: Wife Jane

Interviewer: Children?

Tarzan: Son boy

Interviewer: Anything else to your name besides Tarzan?

Tarzan: Tarzan, King of the Jungle

Interviewer: Jane's Whole Name

Tarzan: Jane's Hole named Pussy

[bigbirdbird]

A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My son, you shouldn't be doing that," said the priest. "You should be saving that for when you get married."

The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply said, "Yes, Father."

About 10 years later, the priest was in his study when a young man in his early twenties came in. "Yes, my son?" said the priest.

"Father, you may not remember me, but about 10 years ago you caught me masturbating in an alley, and I'll never forget the advice you gave then."

"And what was that, my son?"

"Well, you told me that what I was doing was wrong and I should be saving it for when I get married," said the young man.

"That sounds like something I probably would have said," said the priest. "Did you take my advice?"

"Yes I did, Father, but there's only one problem."

"What's that, my son?"

"Well, I have a 55-gallon drum of the stuff in the back of my pickup truck. Now that I am getting married, what am I supposed to do with it?"

[Windows11]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Tarzan leaves the jungle, comes to civilization, and applies for a job.

Interviewer: Name?

Tarzan: Me Tarzan

Interviewer: Married?

Tarzan: Wife Jane

Interviewer: Children?

Tarzan: Son boy

Interviewer: Anything else to your name besides Tarzan?

Tarzan: Tarzan, King of the Jungle

Interviewer: Jane's Whole Name

Tarzan: Jane's Hole named Pussy

I love this ROFL

[poolhot.]

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly, she tells her lover to hide in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there.

After a little while the little boy says, 'Dark in here.

The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything, let alone from a little boy says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have a football.'

Man - 'That's nice.'

Boy - 'Want to buy it?'

Man - 'No, thanks.'

Boy - 'My dad's outside.'

Man - 'OK, how much?'

Boy - '$ 250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.

Boy - 'Dark in here.'

Man - 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have football boots.'

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'OK How much this time?'

Boy - '$ 750'

Man - 'Sold.'

A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, 'Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and boots.'
The father asks, 'How much did you sell them for and to who?'

The boy says, 'To a friend of mine for a $ 1,000..'

The father says, 'That's a terrible thing to do, overcharging your friend like that'. 'That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your terrible sins.'

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here'..

The priest says, don’t start that shit again you little prick, you're in my cupboard now' !!

[poolhot.]

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect boys-out trip.

Two days before the group is to leave, Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he is not going.

Rob's friends were very upset that he can't go, but what could they do?

Two days later, the three get to the camping site, only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.

"Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who'?

I pulled her hands off and saw that she was wearing a brand new hot nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to cuff her and tie her to the bed. I did.

And then she said, 'Now you can do what ever you want.'

So here I am....!!!"

#Moral: Never stop a man from meeting his friends!!!

[KTVbuddy]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Interviewer: Jane's Whole Name

Tarzan: Jane's Hole named Pussy

hahahaha.. this is good!

[MarlinFish]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My son, you shouldn't be doing that," said the priest. "You should be saving that for when you get married."

The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply said, "Yes, Father."

About 10 years later, the priest was in his study when a young man in his early twenties came in. "Yes, my son?" said the priest.

"Father, you may not remember me, but about 10 years ago you caught me masturbating in an alley, and I'll never forget the advice you gave then."

"And what was that, my son?"

"Well, you told me that what I was doing was wrong and I should be saving it for when I get married," said the young man.

"That sounds like something I probably would have said," said the priest. "Did you take my advice?"

"Yes I did, Father, but there's only one problem."

"What's that, my son?"

"Well, I have a 55-gallon drum of the stuff in the back of my pickup truck. Now that I am getting married, what am I supposed to do with it?"

Very good one hehe

[Immorally]

Originally Posted by KTVbuddy

hahahaha.. this is good!

Had me laughing all day

[JustANewbie]

Originally Posted by poolhot.

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect boys-out trip.

Two days before the group is to leave, Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he is not going.

Rob's friends were very upset that he can't go, but what could they do?

Two days later, the three get to the camping site, only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.

"Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who'?

I pulled her hands off and saw that she was wearing a brand new hot nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to cuff her and tie her to the bed. I did.

And then she said, 'Now you can do what ever you want.'

So here I am....!!!"

#Moral: Never stop a man from meeting his friends!!!

this is damn funny! camp here for more.

[poolhot.]

There were .. two nuns

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical(SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical(SL).

It is getting dark and
they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
A little while later...

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM:
So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

Say two Hail Marys!

[Rexsterz]

Originally Posted by poolhot.

There were .. two nuns



Say two Hail Marys!

Great Joke, LOL

[poolhot.]

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating.
She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"
One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry."
The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??"
One of the other businessmen replies:
"The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"

[Immorally]

Originally Posted by poolhot.

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating.
She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"
One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry."
The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??"
One of the other businessmen replies:
"The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"

Thanks for sharing this bro

[Collyer]

Originally Posted by poolhot.

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating.
She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"
One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry."
The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??"
One of the other businessmen replies:
"The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"

Wahahaha this is best!!

[JJMagic]

Originally Posted by poolhot.

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating.
She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"
One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry."
The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??"
One of the other businessmen replies:
"The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"

Lol, this is a great joke, very funny.