Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[fortitudebudget]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Donald trump wants to paint the white house.. He calls for quotation.. Chinese guy quoted 3 million. European guy quoted 7 million..
Indian guy quoted 10 million..
Trump asked chinese guy.."..how did u quote 3 million..?" Chinese guy replied .. "1 million for paint 1 million for labour 1 million profit.." Trump asked european guy.. He replied-".. 3 million for paint 2 million for labour 2 million profit.."
Trump asked Indian guy.. He replied.. .."..4 million for you.. 3 million for me.. .. .. and we will give 3 million to the chinese guy and ask him to paint..!!" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Indian got the Contract !💖😁

No wonder so many love Indian workers.

[gundlach]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

*JUST FOR LAUGHS*

_*CHINESE SAUSAGES*_

*Mr. Tan sent his son abroad to give him a good education.*

*On his return home after completing his studies, Mr. Tan took the son to his factory which made Chinese sausages.*

*Mr. Tan let his son have a good look at the whole factory. His son examined the whole procedure seriously and gave a serious brainy look.*

*Mr. Tan was very happy and asked his son, _”Son, do you have any good idea and plan to further develop our business?"*_

*His son replied, _”Dad, instead of putting the pigs into the machine and getting sausages out, we can put sausages in and get pigs from the other side. By doing this, we can make more money.”*_

*Mr. Tan got very annoyed and said, _”Son, you are so clever, only your mom has that kind of machine. When I put my sausage in, A Pig Like You Came Out!"*_ 😎🤭🥰💪😅😂🤣🙏

Thank you for this joke.

[VVDPurple]

Very good joke thread here!!

[suretchai]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Someone commented on an online Malaysian news, God why did you take a good man at age 90 (Sean Connery) and leave an evil man who at age 95 is still here?

God answered enough of action movies, now watch horror movies🤪😜

Always enjoy boleh jokes, tks.

[2ya2]

Originally Posted by SBMEDSUP

Love more sausage jokes.

Yours must be donut?

[Orange22]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Because they were now *tenants!*
🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜

Nice share bro, thanks

[dyelook]

laughter bumps..

[GanYanDao]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Better check first otherwise have to kneel on durian husks back home

[etsys]

Not sure if it was posted here ..

[malaysiapig]

[SBMEDSUP]

Thanks to all who share jokes.

Please share more.

[silverwolves]

Originally Posted by malaysiapig

Sibeh buay song face

[Hurricane88]

🤣*The company Pfizer, which just announced the vaccine against Covid-19 soon, is the same company that created Viagra.*
*Therefore, we can fully rely on the announced vaccine, because if Pfizer was able to raise the dead, they will much more easily cure the living.*

*.....but Trump is fuming mad because he believes that Pzifer deliberately delayed their announcement until after the election.*

*However, Pzifer responded by telling him the company is about erections not elections.*
🤫

[Hurricane88]

_*A few good Senior Moments*_

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
An elderly gentleman......
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet..
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure..'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical check-up.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

🤣🤣🤣

[nowpay]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

This is very funny. Nice share bro