Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[testingfield]

Originally Posted by havana

The most important question I want to ask is...
IF I get vaccinated, Will Geylang(Chicken house) be opened???

Careful contact tracing

[SBMEDSUP]

Originally Posted by testingfield

Careful contact tracing

Why need to worry in GL?

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[SmoothLauren]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Overused hehe

[Hurricane88]

😍😆😅😮😊😳😮😊😳

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on their holidays. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb.
They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' topless blonde came walking straight towards them. . ..


They couldn't help but stare.😳

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said,
'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,'
Nodding and addressing each of them individually.

Then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?

So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits..

Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.

After a little while, the same gorgeous topless blonde came walking towards them.

This time more sexy than the day before.
Topless in her 'g-string" undergarment.

They stared and stared. 😳😳

Again she nodded at each of them and said,
'Good morning, Father , Good morning, Father,'
and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said,
'Just a minute, young lady.'
'Yes, Father?'
'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'

She replied, 'Father,
it's me, ....Sister Kathleen.' 🤣😁

[Hurricane88]

A Sheikh was talking to his Travel Agent....*

Sheikh: I am about ready for another vacation. Only this year, I am going to do it a little differently....

Agent - Ok Your Excellency...what do you have in mind?

Sheikh - The last few years, I have been taking your advice on where to go....

Three years ago, you said go to Hawaii.

I went to Hawaii and spent a week there.... and my wife Razia got pregnant.....

Then two years ago, you told me to enjoy Bahamas, and once again Razia got pregnant again....

Last year, you suggested the Greek islands and Razia once again got pregnant.....

*Travel agent: So, what are you going to do this year that is different?....*

*Sheikh replied:*

*THIS YEAR I'M TAKING RAZIA WITH ME*

😎🤓

[Hurricane88]

*Every day Francesca went to the cemetery* in her village to water the flowers on the grave of her deceased husband Enzo.

*When she was finished* she always walked backwards when leaving the grave.

*One day her friend Bianca asked*, "Francesca why do you always leave the cemetery walking backwards?"

*Francesca answered*, "When Enzo was alive he always told me 'You've got such a great ass; it could bring a dead man back to life!' .. *I'm not taking any chances!*"
.
😂🤪😜😂🤪😜😂🤪😜

[Hurricane88]

*Laughter Therapy*

While getting married, most of the guys say to girl's parents, "I will keep your daughter happy for the rest of her life".

Have you ever heard a girl saying something like this to the boy's parents like "I will keep your son happy for the rest of his life"?

No. Because women don't tell lies!

🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊

A small argument between a couple turns violent.

Husband says: Don’t let the animal in me come out!

Wife replies: Who’s afraid of a mouse?

🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊

If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad and uncomfortable.

If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable and happy.

🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊

A Philosopher HUSBAND said:

Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband.

“Miss” for first year and “Stress” for rest of the life.

🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊

Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get married?

That was common sense leaving your body.

🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊

Son: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day!

Dad: What role are you playing?

Son: A husband!

Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues!

🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊

Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me, you are holding phone since 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”.

Man inside: “I am talking to my wife!”

🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊

A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage. She said, “sacrificing the admiration of hundred guys, to face the criticism of one idiot.”

🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊

Position of a husband is just like a Split Air-Cond. No matter how loud he is outdoor, he is designed to remain silent indoor!

🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊

Husband to wife: You should learn to embrace your mistakes.

She hugged him immediately.

😝😂🤣😜

Share to make others smile. Laughter works like medicine!

[Hurricane88]

Eat whatever you like😀😀 because:
The inventor of the sports treadmill has died at the age of 54.

The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57.

The world bodybuilding champion has died at the age of 41.

The best footballer in the world, Maradona, died at the age of 60.

Now ------
KFC inventor dies at 94.

Investor of Nutella died at the age of 88.

The inventor of Turkish shurmeh and Stake died at the age of 104.

Inventor and cigarette maker Winston has died at the age of 102.

The inventor of opium died at the age of 116 in an earthquake.

Hennessy whiskey inventor dies at 98

The inventors of Afghani food (Qabeli, Manto and Chapli Kebab) are still alive.

*How did these doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?*

The rabbit is always lively and lives for 2 years, but the turtle that does not get salty from its place is 400 years old.

Soooo, ..

Keep rest, eat, drink and enjoy ...

[ah rat]

_______________

[Steventan]

Originally Posted by ah rat

_______________

Oh boy!

Hope it’s not a tr....

[oscarina]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

*Every day Francesca went to the cemetery* in her village to water the flowers on the grave of her deceased husband Enzo.

*When she was finished* she always walked backwards when leaving the grave.

*One day her friend Bianca asked*, "Francesca why do you always leave the cemetery walking backwards?"

*Francesca answered*, "When Enzo was alive he always told me 'You've got such a great ass; it could bring a dead man back to life!' .. *I'm not taking any chances!*"
.
😂🤪😜😂🤪😜😂🤪😜

Like this one bro, nice share

[MPLover]

Originally Posted by ah rat

_______________

hahahaha, love this!

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

*A student studying in Russia says:*

```The highest score for most of the exams in Russia is 5... If a student does not answer any question and returns back the exam paper blank, with NO question answered, student gets 2 out of 5...

In my first days at the University of Moscow, I did not know about this system and I was surprised...

I asked Dr. Theodor Medraev: "Is this fair that even when a student does not answer any question, you give 2 marks out of 5??? Why not give Zero??? Isn't that the right way???"

He answered: "How can we give Human Being a Zero??? How can we give Zero to someone who was getting up at 7 am to attend all the lectures??? How can we give Zero since they got up in this cold weather and used public transport and reached to do the exam in time and tried to solve the questions??? How can we give Zero for the nights they used to study and spent their money on pens and notebooks and bought a computer for studying???
How can we give Zero when they left all other life styles and pursued their studies???

My son, we do not give Zero to students just because they did not know the answer... We at least try to respect the fact that they are Human Beings having brain and atleast they tried... This result which we give, is not just for the questions in the exam paper, it is also about showing appreciation and respect to the fact that this is a Human Being and deserves to have a score..."

Truly I did not know how to respond... There I knew my value as a Human Being...

Zeros can actually decrease motivation on students and can quickly destroy them and make them stop caring about their studies altogether...

Once a Zero score has been put in the grade book, they need no longer care about that subject and they may assume that, there’s nothing they can do about it...```

*An excellent message to all the Academics, Governments, Parents and Teachers, so as to change the system of education which we have in our country...*👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻