The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[Er Lang]

Originally Posted by cmelater

Dun fret Er Lang,

After get married, then worry. No one really knows what they want, until things happen. Always just hope for the best.

Try and make things work, when things go wrong. I guess thats what you can do to keep things together. Worry when the day comes.

haha..no wonder people mentioned marriage is the road to graveyard...just joking no offence...will see how thing goes
Thank bro

[ch18]

Usually after the marriage then you will realised you actually married the wrong partner...............

[samaritan]

well ms sherry aw believe SG women are the victims

'WHY I CHOSE A CHINA BRIDE'

I REFER to Mr Alvin Tan's letter last Sunday, 'Why I chose a China bride'. I am astonished that a single passage could make me feel insulted, tickled and disbelieving all at once. Mr Tan is either seriously misinformed of the needs and wants of the modern Singapore woman, or is still steeped in the traditional notion of how men and women should behave.
First, I am unclear of his intention. I believe his marriage to his Chinese bride was between two people truly in love. Why then the need to defend his choice? Why the need to accuse thousands of Singapore women of being clueless of what they want, or even imply indirectly we all want to be treated as the weaker sex?

What also puzzles me is how Mr Tan manages to equate wanting a date to be gentlemanly with wanting to be the weaker sex. If wanting a man to hold the door open for a woman, an act of 'gentlemanliness', can be construed as weakness, does my ability to open my own door signify how strong and masculine I am? I pray not, or I would face a serious identity crisis.

And really, does having our own career or equal abilities to men mean we have become men ourselves? The 'equal footing' treatment we demand is recognition of our abilities to carry out our jobs. Not to be treated like men, but acknowledgement that we are as capable as men. If we 'should expect to be treated equally - the way men treat other men', then perhaps from the perspective of a woman, the equal treatment Mr Tan is looking for is to be treated like a best buddy-cum-girlfriend and not boyfriend material.

Mr Tan also insinuates that, if women want equality, they should see themselves home after a date, as 'there is no need for the man to escort' her. Men with such a mentality make bad dates, or do not have sufficient affection for the woman they are dating. Not wanting to escort your girlfriend home means you don't care about her.

Mr Tan, I am happy you found someone to love and care for. But there was no need to collectively insult the entire female population in Singapore, simply because you were unable to find someone to suit your needs here. I am certain we know what we want in a man - someone who respects us, treats us equally (not like other men) and has no reservations about being a gentleman.

Sherry Aw (Ms)

[jaycnce]

Usually after the marriage then you will realised you actually married the wrong partner

just be content with what u ve

[cmelater]

Originally Posted by Er Lang

haha..no wonder people mentioned marriage is the road to graveyard...just joking no offence...will see how thing goes
Thank bro

Road to graveyard? All roads lead to graveyard somehow. Just which way faster siah and less hassle. lol

[cmelater]

Originally Posted by samaritan

well ms sherry aw believe SG women are the victims

Well, I believe all men in SG are victims. Recently, I met up with my club. Most of us bachelors there in our 30s. All bz with something or another or just cannot find.

Somemore, girls very capable these days. How many can live with a guy less capable? Dun say love is everything. Ultimately, still need money to eat and have a place. Get married (sometimes) die faster, due to more stress and less freedom.

Recently, I met this old friend, in her late 20s. She was unlike the typical sg gal. She was wearing a dress up till knee length. In the car, while we were talking, she would occasionally adjust her dress so that her tighs are covered. I was thinking to myself.... knn.... gals like her really extinct liao. So conservative. Her dressing was NOT even revealing, to begin with.

To her, holding hands automatically means both persons are in a relationship. After work, she automatic go home or go class. No cheonging and loitering outside. Are many gals like her? All either taken or in the grave liao. Disco to her (from the very start) is an "activity for people with nothing better to do".

If you got a wife like that, win liao. She won't expect her bf to have car. Even when without car, she still willingly came out with me to have dinner. Pleasant looking somemore. Life is like that, there has to be winners, else there won't be losers in the "game" like myself. In the hunting game, losers are part of the food web. At least, in this food web, we still use moolah to buy "prey". Somemore, the free market allows "losers" to execute a foreign wife buy option. lol.

[AmericanExpress]

hope that i will marry the one person who loves me dearly and whom i also love very much. i am always hopeful and i kept praying to God that i will not come to a point to choose between the one who love me and the one i love.

but if i have to choose, i guess i will choose to marry the one who i love than the one who loves me. cause i have been with 2 relationships that i think they love me more than i love them and i was not happy. i am always not happy even though they showed me how much i mean to them, everything seemed not enough.

I don't know if the one i will love, if will not return my feelings will hurt as much.. but at least if i love that person, i will be more patient, i will try hard for our relationship to work and for that person to at least care for me a bit.

Maybe i will get tired too of the one sided love, but i guess he will love me back already before i grew tired of it. I think this kind of choice makes life more complicated. There are many other alternatives in life, it's better to choose one you love and he also loves you. If really need to make a decision under this condition, I will choose the one I love but he does not really love me, under this choice, I will try my best to show my love to him, and if he really cannot accept me in his heart, then I will leave him, maybe with a broken heart, but I have tried.

[sootongs]

Well cannot say that it is untrue that marriage leads totally to the grave...depends what u define as grave eh?

Me married me first gf of 10 yrs together since after o levels and going into 3rd year into marriage

Think many bros would say still early neh but i think takes 2 hands to clap to keep the fire burning. Well luckily still got her CHIJ uniform hee hee..

No such thing as ideal wife...if got and life so perfect....then won't u get bored too one day hahaha

[loveseeker79]

I think I will marry a girl whom will love me more. It's lucky being loved by a girl truly. You will know she will take care your life and stick to you even though you may become poor one day.

I would say the one you marry, may not be the one that you lust most.

[Bangster]

then you really have to think more more hor, a girl who still loves you, take care of you and stick with you when you become poor is a retard. Simply because she has not learned at all.

Girls today esp in Sg are brought up with the mindset that they ARE TO FIND A HUSBAND WHO IS RICH AND CAPABLE TO TAKE CARE OF THEM, financially, emotionally, sexually, etc. This is the spoon-fed mindset which every mother's daughter grows up with. This is the mindset that makes Sg girls think their cheebais are plated with gold and they are every man's dream, so to have the roles reversed(ie the girl takes care of the man) is absolute nightmares and unheard of today. That type of girl who takes care of their man and stick with them when the man is down n out only exists in yester years, ie our parents' generation.

Whereas your last sentence in your post, "the one you marry, may not be the one you lust" holds some truth. As a man, I dont think we marry our wives because we lust after them. Lust is reserved for dishes outside, or celebrities or models in magazines or the internet.

[pfingo]

Never get married without love.u can only marry for love. It won't work without love. After several years of being married without love, it becomes impossible to live the charade any longer. I will only marry for love or not marry at all.

[zunbo]

Originally Posted by Muraeno

Yo bro ur right about this.
My Exs were all chosen by my nose very very powerful scent that knock me off my feet. The scent on each individual is so different and it drives me crazy over them. Pheromones help chooses the most DNA compatible but heart wise is based on communication, trust, understanding and respect?

Love is blind, they say. But if there's one thing that restores clear vision, it's living with someone day-in, day-out. Nothing like that to topple a lover off their pedestal and expose their flaws, right? Well, sometimes not it seems. The idealised view of a partner doesn't always disappear when the early throes of passion have passed.

In the first flush of love, we almost all gloss over our partner's faults. But researchers studying married couples have found that in the happiest marriages, this overrating habit continues – in fact it's the glue that keeps these couples together over time.

These are spouses who tend not to notice their partners' shortcomings and recall only the good times in their relationship. This positive spin seems to not only keep them content, it's also good for their health. Spouses who see things this way have less chronic disease.

While the experts are still exploring exactly what's going on, the heart of the issue might be the way these couples approach conflict. When they have a dispute, they talk about the issue in a calm, rational way and listen to each other's point of view. This might mean they have less exposure to stress hormones, which are known to be associated with illnesses like heart disease.

Whether you can learn to see your partner as nicer than he or she really is, isn't known. In the couples studied, it happens unconsciously and has nothing to do with gender, religion, education or socio-economic background. But personality features, like being easy-going might make you more likely to idealise things.

Interestingly, the habit need exist in only one partner, for the effects to be seen. So if you don't tend to wear rose-tinted glasses yourself, at least choose a partner who does.

[iPhone]

Originally Posted by -itr-

after reading a couple of stories here i like to add mine too.

well lately,i have got back in touch with the ger whom i first love when i first saw and knew her @ 14. but luck was never with me becoz , i got to know her thru my fren whom goes to the same sch with her.
and back then , she belong to those hangout with her peers or classmates and where as i was like a alien desperately tryin to reach her and get close with her. coz she just belong to those decent , conservative kinda of ger.
well alot of the memories i have during young days does include her , going to the old cathy, old satay club, old diamaru..etc
and one of the most common first fun driving the first special ger when we get to drive our own car.
and all these while , she never really officially belong to me til,
the final last week before she got to ROM with her current husband , the reason was this loser was serving his lao peng Ns during his late yrs .
so to keng stayout and not to lose her , he chose to rom , which i last understand from her, she just agreed blindly not knowing whether is the right thing anot.

boy, after for the long years of courtship, i really have her in my arms and everything tat a couple does.
and exchanged our true feelings for each other.
but its all too late coz.. both parents and met and exchange their blessing for this wedding

so there i was lan lan.. got to let her go.
and back i went to this wifey of mine now whom been thru thick and thin with me.
but sometimes being alone or late @ nite. i wonder is this the right woman i married? or just someone i have to live for the rest of my life til my ic is up to surrender?

it has been 5 yrs since we last spoke or met. til lately by chance we hooked up again thru msn.
so we met each other despite we r both married .coz by luck both our spouses r away for work.
and this meeting i think we both knew it ain't so simple.
its gonna lead us somewhere or just to continue wot we left behind becoz
of circumstances and true enuff, it did take off.. coz we just didn't have enuff of each other.
but sorry bros and sister.
i did not engage luv making session with her.
brothers , am i a dickhead or wot? damn Knn.

the only thing i luv being with her was..
its like she is the one u can share the joy and laughter of thinking back
those silly young days u been thru .
so lookg back , there is fun, joy laughter +++ing abt it.
this is the special feeling i yearn from her.
and she claimed i'm the only one whom can give her this too.

okay.. so u see this is one true luv i still have in my heart.
but shortly.. this renewal affair didn't last long, coz she feared
our little secret might not be long and might harm or disturb our own marriage
life, or the other half. just becoz of a dumb forwared email i sent to her.
man i F**king regret it.. initially it was all out for fun. didn't realise the impact
of it.
the title was "did i married the wrong person"


and now.. this special ger in my heart has left me again.. and i still think of her @ places where i been with her . and i have to revert back to the role of a husband of a particular woman.
til now, i still wondered does this special woman luv me or just wanna get some kick outside her marriage? when i know she is the super decent conservative sort.

but being a man of my age goin to the 30s... its all abt career and money chapter in life.so i can't be blinded by some luv or question in life.
i have to move on.

this thread has helped me to release my locked up words.

i met an old time ex and u r right it's so awkwards. i could only ask meekly -hows life?

[cmelater]

I also getting a bit tired of lamenting about the bad things of singapore women. After typing a few posts of complain, I finally want to just get out of the room and go to a pub and drink or hook up some gals.

Bros, life is all in ur own hands. You can choose to lament and do nothing about it. Or you can do something now. I know I will be hitting the club or pub soon. wtf, life so short. Dun go play and do something, sure regret. Those bros with some financial achievement should really go out liao, dun wait any longer.

[pfingo]

Originally Posted by cmelater

I also getting a bit tired of lamenting about the bad things of singapore women.

tell us wat is so good about them?