The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[smallbaron]

Originally Posted by Window7

Sigh. I don't think I love my wife at all. Maybe when we are dating that time I did love her. After married sex life is dead. We don't share the same view. We don't see the same and we don't have the same dreams.

Last 3 years we have nothing in common to talk.
She ranted about her job which I don't like to be affected by her negative energy.
I have my stress and whenever I tried to tell her, she brush me off.

Well, whatever. We are just a couple registered as married.
Nothing less. Nothing more.

Brother, I can understand. The passion is long gone. You have to decide whether you want to commit to your marriage vows & make the best of it. Or else to continue like that would be miserable.

[Window7]

Well. The kids are innocent. Look like I'm just LLST and counting my days.

I hate it when I text her and the reply was "k".
Seriously everything is wrong. She just dont want to admit it.
Told her before she need to change her temper, she got worse.
It's bored and it sucks.

[smallbaron]

Originally Posted by Window7

Well. The kids are innocent. Look like I'm just LLST and counting my days.

I hate it when I text her and the reply was "k".
Seriously everything is wrong. She just dont want to admit it.
Told her before she need to change her temper, she got worse.
It's bored and it sucks.

Brother, I salute you!! You are a good father & is making a big sacrifice of your personal happiness.

A word of caution though. Either you try to work it out with her. Or you might find comfort in some other place uncontrollably, which is a dangerous road.

Do take care. Life is not easy.

[WRX_STI]

Originally Posted by Window7

Last 3 years we have nothing in common to talk.
She ranted about her job which I don't like to be affected by her negative energy.
I have my stress and whenever I tried to tell her, she brush me off.

maybe need to evaluate job positions. good chance to explore better opportunities

[pakalolo]

The right one is always the next one that comes along in the meantime enjoy your life with all the wrong ones

[LovePotion]

100% agreed with u... only when u r married then u know that this sentences is true

[tantan1234]

Originally Posted by Window7

Well. The kids are innocent. Look like I'm just LLST and counting my days.

I hate it when I text her and the reply was "k".
Seriously everything is wrong. She just dont want to admit it.
Told her before she need to change her temper, she got worse.
It's bored and it sucks.

Bro, beware if she is having relationship outside coz nowadays alot cases.

I fully understand u. It is really a pain to live in same hse, even on same bed, feeling so far frm tat person.
Sometimes when I on the bed with wife beside, there is this feeling of being so far away mentally.


I don't know hw to love my wife, for all that she done to me.
Bro one thing in common for both of us, we married a person who is self centered. Only thinks abt herself. Really. U tink of my sentence.

There are ppl who put oneself 1st. I married no only because I want to love my partner, I also hope someone loves me.

[WRX_STI]

Marriage does provide a partner in life but it doesn’t guarantee that the partner will be good at partnering.

[joncheong]

Originally Posted by Know_yr_role

I think its rather common for some people to marry someone whos not yr true love, first n foremost, how many can truely say tat they have found a partner whos "everything you ever dream of" "your soulmate" "the man/woman" of your dreams....

I think most of the common people will settle for the closest or next best partner they encounter....Not everyone is perfect, tats human nature, we are not born perfect, so there are bound to be flaws which we must accept and be able to live with them....

Next there are the cat which marry for the wrong reasons,

1 shot gun marriage
2 thinks tat he/she owes the person something which he/she would have done her them
3 the person u loved most got married with someone else and u let with no choice but settle for someone else
4 MOney
5 many many more stupid reasons...

so in a nutshell, most people dun marry the one they truely love....jus settle for the next best person i guess...

just my 0.002 cents cheers

there is also the reason of marrying somebody just because she got a good body or is good in bed.....in short, marry for sex ...which can be right or wrong...

[heye]

Originally Posted by cutecuteboy

Was that the reason why you married her?

I believe all men love to have a trophy wife but end of the day, character compatability and common goal is far more lasting.

Sorry to hear about ur predicament but she is still young and I am absolutely sure she will have many more heartaches for you till she matures.

Perhaps you should think harder about the path in front and not just for the sake of the child, though I can understand he is the main focus in your life now.

Last of all, please start moving your assets, cash to your parents name park it under their bank acct or smthing, not a joint acct mind you.
Should a divorce case arise, you will be glad you heed this advise when she asked for 50% of your assets.

Good luck bro.

bro i have noting left but debts ... i am not worry abt money as long as it goes to the right hand . eventually if she suffers my kids will suffer too.

[heye]

Originally Posted by sane

Heye, I can't help to reply ur post. IMO the marriage is not doom for u n ur wife. IMO the marriage break down because of a lack of trust n communication.

U work hard, u dote on ur son n u lavish her with gifts but have u ever sit her down n work down ur finance with her, financial plan for the next 5 years?
Establish a goal with her n let her know that u want to achieve that n save xxx amount with her. Let her know the reality, be transparent n open. She might have misconcept of u having a huge savings.
We dun spend on lavish/branded gifts because he sit me down n read the bills to me one by one. We have goals to achieve n $ are locked up in investment, insurance policies etc. get her involved! In fact, I m greatly influenced by him on this.

If it allows, earn lesser but spend more time with ur family. Bring them out during weekend, get more involved with ur son. A Young kid needs a lot of nurture n attention n they learnt at a rapid speed. Educate him n let him learn as much as he can. U can earn all the money in the world but can u use it to buy back the lost time with your family? There's a balance to everything. U work so hard for the family but u lose ur dearest because of no time for them.

Her friends. Have u ever make n effort to know her friends n social life? It doesn't mean that going out with guy friends equals to extra martial affairs. I hv lotsa platonic guy friends too n my so have no issues with me going out with them. Sometimes he join me too. He never restrict my actitivities.

Have u ever join her? Without getting the facts right, u jump to conclusions n hit her, this will only strain the r/s.. U only make her turn to her friends even more.

She needs accompany, who can communicate n listen to her. Every woman needs someone to be there always, a man who can listen n dote on her. Be each other best friend, my so is like my teacher.. He will always sit me down to listen to me n explain things in detail, sometimes up to hours. Even if I m upset n refused to listen, he will explain till I understand n reach a mutual conclusion. Thrash things up n dun leave grudges overnight.

Unlike dating, marriage is not a bed of roses, dating, movies, sex.. There are in laws, housing issues, kids..

It's not only working hard like a mule one sided, leading a individual life n expecting the other half to know everything n meet ur expectation.

Dun be impulsive, give urself some time to cool down n really think about the issue. Both of u need to start with zero again..start with communication n ur anger management, no matter how angry, dun strike ur wife. Talk properly.

Marriage is about never giving up. Though there r obstacles ahead, as long as there's are still luv.its still worth a try.

sis ,

how to communicate when she is deaf ear to wat she doesnt like to hear.
She can be disrespectful to such extend as to face the wall when i try to talk to her.

I am always having my free weekend with my family too.
If i can even bring bread home how can i afford to bring them out.
Life for me before marriage was so carefree , i had ttly no finicial woes.
after marriage all that i can tink of is how to earn more money.

i have nv stop her frm meeting up with her peers but on the contrary she doesnt wan me to be there. She told 1 of her frend whom convey the msg to me that she feels that if she goes clubbing with her bf or husband then she can enjoy fully.

i have already given up on her. i will just continue my life.
The more u care the more u get hurt.
We cant change any1 except ourselves.

[queeniegal]

Originally Posted by heye

sis ,

how to communicate when she is deaf ear to wat she doesnt like to hear.
She can be disrespectful to such extend as to face the wall when i try to talk to her.

I am always having my free weekend with my family too.
If i can even bring bread home how can i afford to bring them out.
Life for me before marriage was so carefree , i had ttly no finicial woes.
after marriage all that i can tink of is how to earn more money.

i have nv stop her frm meeting up with her peers but on the contrary she doesnt wan me to be there. She told 1 of her frend whom convey the msg to me that she feels that if she goes clubbing with her bf or husband then she can enjoy fully.

i have already given up on her. i will just continue my life.
The more u care the more u get hurt.
We cant change any1 except ourselves.

家家有本难念的经.

She sound very young to me haha anw have some heart to heart serious talk ba. Make a point go some place where both hv wonderful memories. Talk something light abt past and bring the topic in of future.

No point dwelling on what have already happen just forgive and forget.. If she is sensible and sensitive enough to know your situation well she might change for you bit by bit but having say that you also can't push all blames on her you also need to change your shortcoming as nobody is prefect (=

Everything take two hands to claps. Can't always expect one side giving in and one end keep enduring.

Jiayou!!!!

Adios!

[queeniegal]

Not married haha can't ans to this thread topic..

But still one old line treasure the one beside you. Does not really matter he or she was the one you love the most ornot..

What matters is who the one beside you when you are lost.. Down.. Cashless.. Helpless..and walk thru with you thru thick and thin.
Live in present tense. & forge a future tense with whoever you treasure the most atm.

Throw away past tense. Be happy everyday (=

[AmericanExpress]

Originally Posted by queeniegal

But still one old line treasure the one beside you. Does not really matter he or she was the one you love the most ornot..

What matters is who the one beside you when you are lost.. Down.. Cashless.. Helpless..and walk thru with you thru thick and thin.
Live in present tense. & forge a future tense with whoever you treasure the most atm.

hmm that very optimistic of u. i am bitten and scared now though

[slicknsmoov]

I'm not married myself, but I've seen many cases of married couples who were deeply in love at first, but the years of marriage eventually took its toll on them (lost the feel for each other, extramarital affairs etc). I think that as a person ages, his/her tastes, preferences and priorities change, and this in turn affects their marriage.

Hence, even if you married someone whom you love a lot, it's not a guarantee of a happily-ever-after ending, unfortunately.

Just my 2cents, not trying to be a spoilsport or anything.