The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[freezetheDB]

i think its common for couples to reduce/decrease sex frequency as time goes by. Everyday we juggle with other issues like work, stress and problems. Marriage is like owning a business, it requires constant commitment and work.

love and passion fades but try to uphold it. I see some of my bros leave their wives due to quarrels and lack of sex, etc... get hitched to another girl who gives awesome sex from the start only to end up in the same loop again (reduced sex frequency, quarrels, expectations).

I myself have been giving most of the time and my OC doesnt really do much these days. We got our own stress and work problems, so give and take. Its a companionship to the end.

[Shadow_warrior]

Originally Posted by freezetheDB

love and passion fades but try to uphold it. I see some of my bros leave their wives due to quarrels and lack of sex, etc... get hitched to another girl who gives awesome sex from the start only to end up in the same loop again (reduced sex frequency, quarrels, expectations).

I agree to that, getting another relationship or gf is just the same shit. Out of the frying pan into the fire. If you are horny just visit a FL/WL. Some will even give you the GFE and the fantastic feeling you crave for. But at the end of the day, its an illusion, nothing last

[Rickey]

Originally Posted by freezetheDB

I myself have been giving most of the time and my OC doesnt really do much these days. We got our own stress and work problems, so give and take. Its a companionship to the end.

If only our OCs tink the same way as us & know how to reciprocate, den there will be heaven on earth

Originally Posted by Shadow_warrior

what you say is true bro

things all changed after I married my cabin crew wife, she was away most of the time during all the festives and holidays for the first few years

When she got grounded, I thought great, but then she worked late and it was like she wasn't here at all, I ate dinner alone just as I did when she was flying

Now we have 1 child, she comes home early. Great? No, she spends all her energy on the child, no attention to me. Or the home, the housework was never done, and I ended up cleaning the house after her all the time, yet holding 2 jobs.

When she found out I had a FB, she was mad, but I told her, our marriage doesn't work. Having her as a wife, yet eating alone, she doesn't know anything about my life, my work, we don't bother to call or text during the day, no communication whatsoever, no care no concern. We also don't have sex. For 8 years in marriage, we have nothing to show.

And she had nothing to say in her defence. I almost walked out, I mean, seriously this started when I realise who I married wasn't committed to having a life with me, but for the child I stayed.

So bro, do u still tink u hv picked the rite marriage partner ?? ..to hv a understanding & a loving wife is a difficult ask...becos of sexual equality, wifeys nowadays expect a lot of their husbands while giving back little in return of themselves, esp in the area of sex & often uses it as a weapon against their husbands...sigh...but if there is real love & a understanding wife, tis wouldn't be an issue at all...

Originally Posted by suteerak1099

divorce rate shooting through the roof is not bcos of the poor choice of partner to marry la. people divorce bcos they leading divorced lifestyle.

before marriage, they prioritize after work & weekend hours for parktor & lovey dovey. after marriage, they clock 10-12hrs at work, some extremists even clock up to 14hrs at work daily.

marriage became a status quo, the hours they spend with colleagues longer than their spouse. and in some isolated cases, the colleagues end up humping each other better than their spouses.

Correct bro, fully agree wif paras 1 & 2 of yr post ...yes, living different lifestyles after marriage is the main cause of the high divorce rate brought about by factors which may or may not be within their control ..

but all tis could hv been pre-empted if they had taken more care to choose & select their marriage partners carefully rite from the beginning...know her really well...her character, her behaviour or her likely behaviour, her likes & dislikes, how she regards her in-laws etc, etc...many of us go into marriage earlier wif one or both eyes closed...like they say love is blind, basing on our assumptions of wat we tink of each other...we can't see the faults of each other until the cracks begin to show by which time it is often too little too late...if we are allowed to go thru it all over again, i dun tink we will choose the same partner...esp for those many couples out there who are not happy wif each other...

[Shadow_warrior]

Originally Posted by Rickey

If only our OCs tink the same way as us & know how to reciprocate, den there will be heaven on earth


So bro, do u still tink u hv picked the rite marriage partner ?? ..to hv a understanding & a loving wife is a difficult ask...becos of sexual equality, wifeys nowadays expect a lot of their husbands while giving back little in return of themselves, esp in the area of sex & often uses it as a weapon against their husbands...sigh...but if there is real love & a understanding wife, tis wouldn't be an issue at all...

hey bro, how many so called real love and understanding wives have you heard of in this forum? If there were maybe there be no SBF or this thread.
Divorce rates wouldn't sky rocket.
For me I don't see it anywhere in the people I know.

There is no such thing as a right partner. Marriage is a risk like buying property or shares. No one can promise it will last and pay returns forever. People change as times past. Some of the most magical moments with someone were also the same people who gave you the most hurt when things when south.

Some of the seasoned brothers over 40s have the stories and battle scars to tell. Its part of life. And we are not alone.

[jazp]

No amount of preempt will ever be enough. Change is the only constant. Marriage is a gamble. If you don't want to take the risk, don't start.

[Rickey]

Originally Posted by jazp

No amount of preempt will ever be enough. Change is the only constant. Marriage is a gamble. If you don't want to take the risk, don't start.

Originally Posted by Shadow_warrior

hey bro, how many so called real love and understanding wives have you heard of in this forum? If there were maybe there be no SBF or this thread.
Divorce rates wouldn't sky rocket.
For me I don't see it anywhere in the people I know.

There is no such thing as a right partner. Marriage is a risk like buying property or shares. No one can promise it will last and pay returns forever. People change as times past. Some of the most magical moments with someone were also the same people who gave you the most hurt when things went south.

Some of the seasoned brothers over 40s have the stories and battle scars to tell. Its part of life. And we are not alone.

Yes, v. much agreed wif bro shadow warrior & jazp, tat marriage like anything else in life is a gamble & there are v. few real love & understanding wives around in tis forum or elsewhere, thus explains...the high divorce rate...when cracks begin to appear later in the marriage...we really do not know wats going to happen 2moro...& we often are made to take the 'chance'...but like i mentioned our former PM Mr Lee Kuan Yew & his wife & even my own BIL & SIL are only a few good examples of real love & understanding wives...most come in here is to find solutions to their marital problems, whilst some others come in alone for ECA...of not being able to communicate wif their husbands or wives on their sexual desires or needs etc, etc...

Yes, so very true bro shadow warrior !..super like wat you said very much, in the highlighted part of yr post !...but if only we had taken more time & care in choosing our marriage partners, rite from the start, the risks would hv been considerably reduced...yes, agreed nothing is 100% & nothing is guaranteed though...happiness is just 2 pple of the opposite sex loving each other fondly rite from the beginning & knowing & understanding the problems of daily living knowing each other's needs & wants & how to give & take, forgive & forget when such problems crop up...as the only way to enable them to live happily together till death do them part ..

[orangeproud]

Originally Posted by freezetheDB

i think its common for couples to reduce/decrease sex frequency as time goes by. Everyday we juggle with other issues like work, stress and problems. Marriage is like owning a business, it requires constant commitment and work.

There will b a lots of commitment for marriage life unlike dating time everything is so sweet. Commitment comes wif lots of responsibility to shoulder, so need lots of support fm spouse as well as sharing of burden thus it's quite physically n mentally drain so lead to lesser sex. Although im single, I hv seen n heard a lots fm my surrounding ppl.

[/Quote]love and passion fades but try to uphold it. I see some of my bros leave their wives due to quarrels and lack of sex, etc... get hitched to another girl who gives awesome sex from the start only to end up in the same loop again (reduced sex frequency, quarrels, expectations).[/[//[/[/Quote]

Vicious cycle?

[/Quote] Imyself have been giving most of the time and my OC doesnt really do much these days. We got our own stress and work problems, so give and take. Its a companionship to the end.[/QUOTE]

I believe tat sex is not the 100% element in a couple life although it's very important oso. But can b emotionally connect n intellectual interact wif each other oso very important. It's great can find a spouse tat can b company u throughout ur whole life through thick n thin.

[orangeproud]

Originally Posted by jazp

No amount of preempt will ever be enough. Change is the only constant. Marriage is a gamble. If you don't want to take the risk, don't start.

The world is changing, the society is oso keep on changing tat sometimes feel difficult to keep pace on. Marriage is indeed a very high risk of gamble. If it's failed, sometimes can change ur whole latter life. We human heart tend to b constantly changed,, human nature mah?!

[jazp]

Originally Posted by orangeproud

The world is changing, the society is oso keep on changing tat sometimes feel difficult to keep pace on. Marriage is indeed a very high risk of gamble. If it's failed, sometimes can change ur whole latter life. We human heart tend to b constantly changed,, human nature mah?!

Yes bro. With something as risky and unstable as marriage, nowadays lesser men will want to be at risk of reducing himself into living a substandard life in the event his marriage doesnt work out. Child maintenance is no joke. Singles number will just be increasing until a tipping point which may be well far away beyond our lifetime.

[orangeproud]

Originally Posted by jazp

Yes bro. With something as risky and unstable as marriage, nowadays lesser men will want to be at risk of reducing himself into living a substandard life in the event his marriage doesnt work out. Child maintenance is no joke. Singles number will just be increasing until a tipping point which may be well far away beyond our lifetime.

Child maintenance is no joke, parenting n discipline of child oso need a lots of effort n responsibility for a couple to shoulder tgt, cant w/o the support of the other half. Marriage life is a very difficult subject, no all can master n manage get a pass.

[jenoroth]

So i would like to understand here which bro is currently not married, having a good stable career/business and enjoying his life dating all the girls he wants?

Im not married yet(thankfully) and based on all these replies im convinced marriage is a one way ticket to divorce and alimony.

[Shadow_warrior]

Originally Posted by Rickey

but if only we had taken more time & care in choosing our marriage partners, rite from the start, the risks would hv been considerably reduced...yes, agreed nothing is 100% & nothing is guaranteed though...happiness is just 2 pple of the opposite sex loving each other fondly rite from the beginning & knowing & understanding the problems of daily living knowing each other's needs & wants & how to give & take, forgive & forget when such problems crop up...as the only way to enable them to live happily together till death do them part ..

There's no way to do this lah. If you know the future, you wouldn't be like you are today. Everyone goes into marriage thinking he has made the right choice, or as you say taken the time. Then when you sign, that's where the gamble starts.
Who starts a marriage to want to end up in divorce. Like what we did in school, we study, but in real life application is a far cry from what we did.

These idealistic dreams are good to drool on. But when you have been through the storm or going through it, married life is none of these things. Call me cynical, but today no one is like Mr LKY and Wife. They were old school. Today women are different and hence men have to be.

Recently, I read a few cases where the husband no longer can take the wife emotional abuse and killed her in the condo, and tried to kill his maid, and he posted it to facebook. Another one because he suspected her cheating with her supervisor and stabbed her to death and wanted to kill himself.
Women have learnt to be strong and in cases stronger than men(who have become weak). Role reversal. So the good old days are over, and that's why the divorce rates are up, the happily ever after is not possible. Because we have lost sight of the roles we are supposed to have

Now whenever I ask my bros out or we want to get something as men, they always say I ask my wife first. I am not sure my wife will like. A lot of guys are missing some balls, and we think its being a sensitive new age man or in touch with our feminine side(which is total BS since women don't have a men side how can we have feminine side).
Wife however are strong and independent, and often decide on their things without consulting the guy. A common couple of terms these days for those over 40, bad tempered, stubborn, naggy. Now how many you know are still that Xiao Nu Ren behind their man or they are now what I described.

Which comes to my last point, we meet ML/WL and suddenly we feel loved, like we never had before. Because the lady is accepting, giving and has given you the GFE. Its all BS because what is really happening is, we are in LUST, and we have mistaken it for love. We get attached to the good feeling of sex and we enter it into our brains as love, because we cant forget how we feel with these girl. She is willing to suck, 69, do different positions, when the MRS makes you beg like a dog for sex, and she is not willing to suck, even ask you to hurry up or not into it. So we leave our wives, family because of these working ladies, or an affair, because of this word love or what we think it is. And when we get the girl, the same cycle happens all over again, and we are back to square one.
Just ask the MediaCorp artist who left his wife for his manager, and then his manager later left him.

Casestudy: just witnessed a relative refuse to see her husband on his death bed because he was bad to her, cheated on her, treat her badly when they were married, wanted to divorce her for another woman, split the house. Is this common? Another lady friend signing this month because her husband cheated on her, wants to leave her and 3 kids. What the husband don't know is she also cheated on him with a married man when she felt hurt. And the cases continue.

In the end what I think love is, is not a feeling, its a commitment and decision. There's no such thing as think properly, or consider carefully. Its just lets stay together, till the end, because we are committed. Its never perfect, its never "good". You might have more bad days than good days towards the end. But that's life. With another it might not be any different. So decide to either hang on to the marriage even if its in name or leave be single, or go through the shit again. But shit is shit, it stinks whoever's shit it is.

[ET]

I really very regret married this viet this time she go back vn and she changed. She never wechat me anymore and even block me

[Shadow_warrior]

Originally Posted by Eddie Tan

I really very regret married this viet this time she go back vn and she changed. She never wechat me anymore and even block me

understand bro...

To quote the cheesy batman
'Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

But its true... the future is bright...go chase the rainbow

[Rickey]

Originally Posted by jenoroth

So i would like to understand here which bro is currently not married, having a good stable career/business and enjoying his life dating all the girls he wants?

Im not married yet(thankfully) and based on all these replies im convinced marriage is a one way ticket to divorce and alimony.

Originally Posted by Eddie Tan

I really very regret married this viet this time she go back vn and she changed. She never wechat me anymore and even block me

T.Q. v. much to bro shadow warrior for his time in writing such a long post #1977...Yes, agree wif everything tat he said in the post...so once again be warned, guys who are intending to get married shd open their eyes big, big, not half closed or totally closed when selecting their girl to walk down the aisle...Marriage is a gamble as everyone says...girls today are v. different from those a generation ago as the bro says...so ONLY if u are prepared to take & absorp all the various types of shits from yr future wife, better dun get married...it could be a lifetime of misery if u are not lucky enough...even going in with both eyes opened as he says is no guarantee or assurance of a happy marriage, u are only reducing the chances of a failed or unhappy marriage at most...

Yes, the thread title is quite true..."the one u marry, is not the one u loved most" in many cases..