Sex Life after Marriage

[starystarynite]

Ya, you are right. loss of passion. No more spark
I find my passion elsewhere with different FL. And she is not good in bed either to create the spark for us. She is not adventurous and daring as well.
If she is half a skillful as the FL, thing will be much better liao. Anyway, I am making some initiative to create some surprise for her on bed.

I agree that door my situation, things will definitely get better if we go on a honey moon or a long holiday. But we can't. With three kids to look after, without the help of parents and in laws, what else can you do?

Sigh......

Originally Posted by naturegreen

I think it's not no interest in sex. It's more likely the loss of passion.

[RoverX]

As I read this tread, my heart goes out to those who have been though sexless marriages. I for one is in a similar situation. Have been married for many years, but as time goes by, sex frequency reduces. Now hardly any, can’t even remember the last time we did it.

As I reflect, I can only conclude that the fault lies in fact that both of us have different level of needs. Mine is a lot higher. She is contented with the making sure the family is taken cared of, the house is in order so to say. Sex is the last thing in her mind. She never initiates it since dating days.

Sometimes of frustration, I did toy on the idea of divorce. But being a oriental guy, I cannot fault her other than not fulfilling my sexual needs. She is definitely a good mother.
The idea of going to commercial sex is tempting, but I wouldn’t for the sake of remaining faithful and not feeling guilty afterwards. Once I was in China on official work, ended up in a KTV with colleagues and suppliers. I got very drunk and ended in bed with one of the girls. Until today, I can’t forget it and forgive myself for this one time.

Some come to sbf to look for sex, some for releases, others for solace. I envy those who are both successful and have a fulfilling sex life. It’s something that most will love to have.

IMHO, it is critical for those looking for life long partners in marriages, to have a same degree of sexual needs. Maybe cohabitation does have it’s own merits, but it’s not readily acceptable in our culture. Another opinion to the higher divorce rate is lower tolerance level. I guess most will walk out of sexless marriages than to bear with it. Bur some does not want to live with the stigma of being a divorcee.

To those who are in the same boat…..jia you, jia you.. Hope you find peace and happiness in other areas.

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by Umida

Hi bro Frank,

Yes we did. We were pretty active in ml for the 1st month in our relationship ( bf/gf time )
After he told me he is jobless, we quarelled alot as i never met a 30+ yr old man jobless in my life! Let alone need me financially. But love blinded me and i accepted all his flaws.

Well sis I too went thru a similar phase when I was out of a stable job for some 8 years or so...in between I still had some small income coming enough to pay for the daily expenses, the water bills and the car installment but the bulk of the expenses still went to my oc, like going out for movies and eating out, holidays (she even had to give me money to gamble when we went Genting)...that period make me feel like a smaller man, so i sort of felt like i did not have the right to even push her for sex when she is not willing..

but unfortunately for me, my sex life with my oc has not improved and got worse to maybe once in two to three months...maybe my logic is askew but I feel I am not doing anything wrong in seeking my needs elsewhere cos my priority has always been for her....

but if she choose to reject it then that leaves me with no other option but to outsource...after all like I been preaching all along, I didn't sign up for this marriage just to be a monk..if so I would have just gone to a monastery to be one..

But frankly hate to say it, the warnings signs are out on your hub...

[Fade]

Originally Posted by naughtyben22

Sis Fade,

As I'm reading this thread, I cried cos' it makes me ponder on my own marriage... Fyi, I'm only into my 2nd year of marriage but to summarise it, it's almost a sexless marriage...y?

Firstly, my wife's short-temper is really a turn off... I have problems communicating with her and can't even exchange a few jokes with her......she'll end up misinterpreting my message and there she goes, giving me the super black face... most of the time she's petty and ultra-sensitive, very hard to please her.... when I see her black face, you can forget about having sex even if she stands infront of me naked!

Secondly, she doesn't bother to take care of her image... she hardly does even the slightest makeup and sometimes doesn't give a damn on her dressing.. like that how to turn me on? And she doesn't seem to watch her diet and loves to eat a lot, and especially the sinful cheese! So many times ppl around her feedback saying she had put on weight and she simply just laughs it off and next min nothing goes in her head. Well, ended up I look at other women most of the time and when she caught me doing that, volcano erupted!!

Sadly, she doesn't realise all these despite quarelling many times...she never learnt... of cos, not that I'm a saint... In fact, I usually said sorry to her first after a quarrel.... dun like to go to bed with bad blood against one another...

I think both my wife and myself also need to go marriage counselling...my advice is: go seek help, early...

Hi Naughtyben22 - Thanks for sharing.. your post is a wake up call for me.
Not in the aspects of not taking care of my image - I am super Vain, but let me admit that I can be really petty and often killed his sense of humour.

Guess we have different upbringing, but i really cannot tolerate him making fun of other people short coming or in chinese we say -xing zai le huo. Rejoicing at someone's disaster. Maybe he may not meant his words or he meant things as jokes, but this is something that puts me off. So eventually i will be blackface unless he mince his words or try to be politically correct. Otherwise I will not carry on any conversation with him.

Perharps I should take all his jokes or comments lightly on whatever matters, hopefully it will fine tune our communication. I think i am over reacting sometimes. Thanks again for pointing things out!

Hey, your wifey must have a good figure and pretty face to start with uh? That's why she is so daring to forget all about her diet and indulge. A pretty face needs no make up at all, she is a confident lady! All women are vain, trust me. You are her hubby and you matter to her most. So instead of ppl around her telling her that she has put on weight, why don't you tease her and tell her to watch her diet? I am sure she will mind your words. Do you have any kids?

Btw, show some respect to your dear wifey lah! You stare at gals openly ah? If its me, I also angry lah! In fact I am the one often staring at gals on the streets and ask my hubby what he think of them.. No matter how pretty the gal is, when he is beside me he will only say - very normal looking lor.. Haha. Next time stare discreetly since your wifey is the type who gets jealous easily.

You say you are going for counselling? Any contacts to share?

[Fade]

[QUOTE=starystarynite;5428138]Ya, you are right. loss of passion. No more spark
I find my passion elsewhere with different FL. And she is not good in bed either to create the spark for us. She is not adventurous and daring as well.
If she is half a skillful as the FL, thing will be much better liao. QUOTE]

You make it sound like you should marry a FL instead.

[pottter58]

Hi Fade

I know u are depress but why not try to do a change in appearance like dress and wearing sexy make up then go dinner or movies without the baby around it may work.

I'm like tat when my wife start the change

Originally Posted by Fade

Thanks guys for all the kind words. Nope.. i am not writing a story here but seeking a place to voice out my fustrations and sadness. This is possibly be the best place to ask for advice and hear the "truth" with majority of the guys here married? Correct me if i am wrong. I am assuming.

Well, my hubby did not witness the birth of our baby as i gave birth via C-Sect. When he saw our baby, she is already nicely cleaned and wrapped up. So no bloody and gruesome sights. Sometimes if I happened to passby the com and saw him watching porn, i will purposely stop by and ask, " Oh what is that lady doing to that man???" then will pretend to be very interested. However, most of the time, its me who gets bored after watching for 10 mins or so as i begin to recall the past and how sad it is that we are unable to ignite the passion again.

I am feeling very helpless now. I told my hubby that i will never initiate ML ever again until he is ready to take the initiative. Guys, is it possible for a man not to masturbathe at all for many many months? When i perform BJ for my hubby, he had no problem with getting a hard on, but seems like he is not producing much semen as well.

[Softcore]

Originally Posted by naughtyben22

Sis Fade,

As I'm reading this thread, I cried cos' it makes me ponder on my own marriage... Fyi, I'm only into my 2nd year of marriage but to summarise it, it's almost a sexless marriage...y?

Firstly, my wife's short-temper is really a turn off... I have problems communicating with her and can't even exchange a few jokes with her......she'll end up misinterpreting my message and there she goes, giving me the super black face... most of the time she's petty and ultra-sensitive, very hard to please her.... when I see her black face, you can forget about having sex even if she stands infront of me naked!

Secondly, she doesn't bother to take care of her image... she hardly does even the slightest makeup and sometimes doesn't give a damn on her dressing.. like that how to turn me on? And she doesn't seem to watch her diet and loves to eat a lot, and especially the sinful cheese! So many times ppl around her feedback saying she had put on weight and she simply just laughs it off and next min nothing goes in her head. Well, ended up I look at other women most of the time and when she caught me doing that, volcano erupted!!

Sadly, she doesn't realise all these despite quarelling many times...she never learnt... of cos, not that I'm a saint... In fact, I usually said sorry to her first after a quarrel.... dun like to go to bed with bad blood against one another...

I think both my wife and myself also need to go marriage counselling...my advice is: go seek help, early...

I feel sorry for you mate, but why did you marry her in the first place? The signs reflecting these issues would have surfaced to you before getting hitched.

[Softcore]

Originally Posted by Fade

Btw, show some respect to your dear wifey lah! You stare at gals openly ah? If its me, I also angry lah! In fact I am the one often staring at gals on the streets and ask my hubby what he think of them.. No matter how pretty the gal is, when he is beside me he will only say - very normal looking lor.. Haha. Next time stare discreetly since your wifey is the type who gets jealous easily.

He's already married to you - what is there to be angry about?

[Fade]

Originally Posted by pottter58

Hi Fade

I know u are depress but why not try to do a change in appearance like dress and wearing sexy make up then go dinner or movies without the baby around it may work.

I'm like tat when my wife start the change

Huh? Eh.. i don't think i have any image issue lah.
Even its only going downstairs to fetch newspaper or run errand in neighborhood, I make sure i don't look crappy. I know how to doll myself up.
Well said - we seriously need to spend time together alone without baby. THANKS!

[songsongsong]

I read with interest and felt that there are some mental block that have mindset somewhere in his brain. Honestly, it is how or what he wanted it to be. Things can be the same but he can or chose to see it in only one angle.. He may have already set in to marriage life as like a norm and chore thing

This glass is half full or half empty. Either way is still correct!

You may walk around the house half or full naked and yet he can't see it or say that you are crazy.

OR he can say, "oh you turn me on" Let's do it now, can't tahan liao....."

Deep communication is the key to your answer...

[hard_inches]

feed him some horny goat weed, get him horny, lock the doors and smash the com haha..

[Fade]

Originally Posted by Softcore

He's already married to you - what is there to be angry about?

Precisely! Married already and wife beside him - still got the guts to stare at gals openly? What does he take the wife for? Maid ah? Should show the wife some respect. I will be totally embarrassed with a hubby who behaves like a teeko pek in public. If i am the gal being stared at, i will wonder what kind of man the woman married and will feel ultra sorry for her.

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by Fade

Precisely! Married already and wife beside him - still got the guts to stare at gals openly?

Well as what a business associate once told me when caught by oc in such a situation, he would say "But that doesn't mean having a masterpiece at home that means I have to stop appreciating other art"..

[Fade]

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

Well as what a business associate once told me when caught by oc in such a situation, he would say "But that doesn't mean having a masterpiece at home that means I have to stop appreciating other art"..

Good works of art are definitely worth the appreciation. Respect the master piece by acknowledging its presence. If you bring the master piece out, be proud of it and show it off like your prized possesion. You can have a collection of good art, but the masterpiece is always special and more valuable.

[nikolas010]

i think he got sickness, ever going for doctors?