The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[asdfghjkl]

what happened to the woman who stayed?

[Spud_Boy]

Originally Posted by GLHunter

while we are still thinking who we loved most, how we loved most, think back, is it "Yi Xiang Qing Yuan"? If yes, is it really that fatanstic afterall?

good qn.. it really gives a different feeling when u r either the loved 1 or the loving 1.. well, when u r loving the person,一厢情愿 in this case, u will feel v happy.. cuz u'll be happy even just thinkin of the person, but u'll only fell dat way while u've the feelin for the person.. when u r the loved 1, u feel happy of cuz.. but will the happiness last is another story.. cuz no matter wat, ur heart yearns for another..

[JWNY]

Originally Posted by Spud_Boy

but will the happiness last is another story.. cuz no matter wat, ur heart yearns for another..

Come..come...share your story bro...

JWNY

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Originally Posted by JWNY

Come..come...share your story bro...

JWNY

yeah..we always welcome stories of past experiences so we can learn a thing or two frm it.pls share.

[Toyota Honda]

Originally Posted by JWNY

Her idea of happiness and yours may not be the same - ie, your expectations of yourself may be higher.

JWNY

I left my high paying job in one of the prominent industry in Singapore. I am one of the higher flying guy in my company.. And I gave up my career to start my business cos she isn't earning much but facing alot of stress. At the same time, she feels inferior to her friends who are grads. I had wanted to make myself even more successful so that at the very least, she will not need to be bothered by money matters if my business is successful and she will be working with me in a husband-wife team...

When she wanted the break up, she says, 'Don''t say its for me, its what you want, not me.'

Well, I have to forgive her.. Cos, it was really what I wanted us to have.. Just that we don't have the same objective...

[giggz83]

Originally Posted by Toyota Honda

I left my high paying job in one of the prominent industry in Singapore. I am one of the higher flying guy in my company.. And I gave up my career to start my business cos she isn't earning much but facing alot of stress. At the same time, she feels inferior to her friends who are grads. I had wanted to make myself even more successful so that at the very least, she will not need to be bothered by money matters if my business is successful and she will be working with me in a husband-wife team...

When she wanted the break up, she says, 'Don''t say its for me, its what you want, not me.'

Well, I have to forgive her.. Cos, it was really what I wanted us to have.. Just that we don't have the same objective...

bro, you too engrossed in your new biz and neglect her or?

jus curious .. about the details.

[randyboy73]

Originally Posted by Toyota Honda

I left my high paying job in one of the prominent industry in Singapore. ......................even more successful so that at the very least, she will not need to be bothered by money matters if my business is successful and she will be working with me in a husband-wife team...

When she wanted the break up, she says, 'Don''t say its for me, its what you want, not me.'

Well, I have to forgive her.. Cos, it was really what I wanted us to have.. Just that we don't have the same objective...

Bro.... read the book "Man are from Mars, Women are from Venus". Very often, I find myself assuming that I am doing things to better my life with my wife.. in a certain chauvinitsic way, i believe that the guy should work towards a level of material comfort so as to let the wife decide if she chooses to work or not. In my money making quest, my obsession led to her being neglected for years and the marriage suffered badly. I was always on the receiving end of her tantrums and unreasonable behaviour... we were on the verge of breaking up as I started to seek solace in an affair that I was having with a PRC gal (bros who have read my posts b4 may remember).. somehow, fate saved me and my marriage.. i learned that her tantrums were just her way of telling me "hey you forgot about me".. I learnt that when we started talking and stopped shouting, all she wanted was a simple life with me.. she was happy working and paying the bills together with me. She was comfortable going to those simple nearby holidays with me, doing silly things together. TOGETHER... thats the word I almost erased from my dictionary of life.. One simple word, but a very good description of what makes a relationship tick... Bros and sistas, please do not get me wrong. Breakups do happen and everybody is driven by different ambitions and are of different backgrounds.

All I am trying to share is that sometimes, we guys need to juz let the gals blow off steam through their grumbles... they are not being specifically angry about something, it is just their way of telling us.. if we dont confide in you , then who can we do it to. And when we stop and listen to them, they go like "hey, thanks for listening, i really appreciate it, hope I did not sound like a broken record player, i love you for that" and then, they make it up to us, by being attentive to our needs... try it, it may work.... at least it did wonders for me.

And for the gals, please don be offended when the guy wants to play his computer, read his news paper, play the Xbox, or even contribute to SBF... it it is juz our way of destressing. It does not mean that we are ignoring you or dont appreciate your concern, its just that after a hectic day at work, we just wanna have some peace to recollect ourselves and when we are ready to come out of our "mental caves", all will be fine... Life is like the cha cha dance.. i go forward, you go backwards... when you come forward, I go backwards.. always in snyc always in harmony..

Juz my few cents worth.... pls don zap me... Cheers

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Originally Posted by randyboy73

And for the gals, please don be offended when the guy wants to play his computer, read his news paper, play the Xbox, or even contribute to SBF... it it is juz our way of destressing. It does not mean that we are ignoring you or dont appreciate your concern, its just that after a hectic day at work, we just wanna have some peace to recollect ourselves and when we are ready to come out of our "mental caves", all will be fine... Life is like the cha cha dance.. i go forward, you go backwards... when you come forward, I go backwards.. always in snyc always in harmony..

Juz my few cents worth.... pls don zap me... Cheers

very well said bro,i agreed totally.I am not sure abt the rest but i will up u for this gd post.

Cheers.

[OceanEleven]

Women never seems to understand that sometimes things are best spoken straight to the point. Many a time we are obsessed with work commitment where we derive recognition, satisfactory and bring the bacon home. Yes we may be obsessed but we also know how to leave work in the office and return home as a loving husband, caring father as well. It is just that we do need a little time to switch our mindset.

We hate the go around the bushes of hinting, cat and mouse chasing, mind reading tactics for we all had a long day. Same with most guys I guess, we love to be told straight to the point and quit the complaining. Give us a chance, tell me today and see how I perform tomorrow and not tell me now and expect me to work miracles.

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

this explains why many people say woman are the bunch of people whom are the hardest to understand fully.Nu ren xin,hai di shen.

[Deztruct]

Originally Posted by randyboy73

Juz my few cents worth.... pls don zap me... Cheers

haa..wun zap u..will up u instead..read the same book also..and i think its really a gd book abt relationship...

guys really hv to remember tat sometimes gers juz wan to say things out..they dun look for solutions (unlike guys)..they juz wan to say it out to feel beta..so for guys..wat we hv to do is juz listen..and say a few 'so how u feelin now?' and 'u ok?'..tat will be more than enuf liao..no need to crack ur brain to think solutions for her

its hard to do tat tho..even now..i still hv to remind myself to juz listen n dun say anything

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

hahaha..so true,instead of cracking our brains thinking of solutions on how to pacify them,just give them all the time they want to think over it but not too long of course.This is an Art,i am a novice to all this theory as well,just applying what i have read,not much of practical lessons though.

[JWNY]

Originally Posted by Toyota Honda

she feels inferior to her friends who are grads.

Firstly, thanks for sharing bro...

Secondly - can't understand this inferior complexity issues...women and men alike are ALWAYS like that...that's the bad point..you set a benchmark...but there is no finish line because there's always someone "breaking records" all the time...to get to the top is quite unrealistic...

JWNY

[JWNY]

Originally Posted by randyboy73

And for the gals, please don be offended when the guy wants to play his computer, read his news paper, play the Xbox, or even contribute to SBF... it it is juz our way of destressing. It does not mean that we are ignoring you or dont appreciate your concern, its just that after a hectic day at work, we just wanna have some peace to recollect ourselves and when we are ready to come out of our "mental caves", all will be fine...

Yes Yes Yes...at last...a paragraph that sum up the thoughts of MEN!!!

Very well said bro...

JWNY

[giggz83]

i remember watching those taiwan variety show. and you know the chinese old school singer - frog prince, Gao LingFeng.

he gave his view on maintaining a marriage ..

After 2 divorce and on his 3rd marriage, he said this.. if ever, he felt angry and want to flare at his wife when his wife gave him a stupid remark .. he will always think .. who is the biggest in his household. And obviously, it is his wife, and no matter how stupid or absurb the arguement is, he will give in.. he wouldnt want to agrue with her over peanuts matter.
Every small matter, he would give in unconditionally. And for big problem, he will talk out with his wife. Hence, constant communication is always being maintained btwen them, so there would not be misunderstanding and if there is any, it will be solved immediately.

well, it is not easy .. but after 2 failed marriage .. this is what he enlightened.

for a well-known filrt and a super MCP guy like him. It really took a lot of disclipline to change his character..

i think it reflects a lot of our bros around here ..

i dont know whether i can, but i hope to achieve what he has finally achieved for i dont want to go through 2 divorce to get enlightened.

cheers bro!