The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[tissue]

Originally Posted by asdfghjkl

how many times do you encounter a couple who love each other as much one.. every time is guy like gal, woo her.. then she like him BECAUSE HE LIKE HER.. and vice versa.. i feel they are faking their feeling about liking someone who woo them.. but bo pian.. life on this earth is like this one.. even if i like him very much, also got many women behind me like him what..

Hi asdfghjkl,

Can I share something?

My husband and I started dating when I was only 18 years old. From the start, he made it clear that he is not playing around and is looking for a serious relationship. He is 6 years older then me. Anyway, less than 6 months into the relationship, he started talking about marriage. It really scared me off and I broke off with him. He was devastated but we remained friends and on-off FB.

I was a commitment phobic when I was younger because I seem to attract very jealous / weird guys. So I steered away from BGR and started having FBs. My husband became one of my FB too as I felt that we clicked magically on bed.

So, few years later, I felt like settling down. Luckily, he was willing to accept me again. We started dating again and now, we have 2 kids!

He admitted to me that he always have a soft spot for me in my heart and during the years that I was fooling around, he had hoped that by waiting patiently by the sidelines, I would return to him when I am done playing the field.

He had a few gals around him (He was also quite a flirt and he had other FBs too). When he knew that I entertained thoughts of settling down, he immediately stopped seeing them and told me that he is willing to give them all up for me.

I must agree that it's his patience that won me over. Initially, he liked me very much but I do not have the feelings. So he waited patiently. And when I could finally return his love, he felt like he got the 1st prize in our ANG BAO toto of 10million dollars (his words, not mine)!

He knows everything about my past but it does not bother him. He prefers to have a lady who has seen some stuff as compared to a lady who just came into the corporate world as the latter has more chances to give in to temptation.

So yeah, even though it's tiring to keep on putting in efforts for the lady in your heart, you still have to try. As my husband always says, if he gave up few years ago, we will not have this family at all.

I'm not saying that we have a perfect marriage but at least we managed to get to this stage after many obstacles.

Do you guys still call this a one sided love?

This may be a tad long winded..Sorry, I just wanted to share my story..

Cheers / Tissue

[tellmiwhy]

Originally Posted by Deztruct

bro..really happy for u..ur story give pple hope tat sometimes things can turn out for the beta if u believe hard enuf

thanks bro. wat i can say is nvr give up without trying ur best bah. and wat is the best u've tried onli u noe and nt the others. u can bluff others but nt urself. at least u wun regret anything if u noe u've tried ur best. alot of times ppl also dun wana try becoz halfway in the process they already feel that their chances are slim, but u reali nvr noe until u've tried. and alot of times the end results are beyond our expectation.

cheers.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by Know_yr_role

Next there are the cat which marry for the wrong reasons,

1 shot gun marriage
2 thinks tat he/she owes the person something which he/she would have done her them
3 the person u loved most got married with someone else and u let with no choice but settle for someone else
4 MOney
5 many many more stupid reasons...

so in a nutshell, most people dun marry the one they truely love....jus settle for the next best person i guess...

just my 0.002 cents cheers

Very correct. I was a victim of (2) & (4).

4 rep pts for you!

[Deztruct]

Originally Posted by tissue

This may be a tad long winded..Sorry, I just wanted to share my story..

Cheers / Tissue

Really a nice life story..happy for u n ur husband now..i sure ur husband is very lucky to hv u after waitin for so long..from a pt of view of a guy..its really very hard for a guy to juz keep waitin without knowin whether he will succeed anot..sometimes..it really takes alot of self belief and hope to hold on to the waiting

[john99]

Can appreciate the story by sis tissue. I also have a commitment phobia burning thru 4 serious relatinships in 6 years after I broke off with my then galfriend after finishing university.

After I hit 32, I realise all these must come to an end as I was already doing well career wise. So out of the blue, my first galfriend call me when she was back for her brief summer break. We met up and rest was history, we now have 2 kids, a couple of terrapins and a dog as a family.

I have never looked back since then....think experience counts. I hve come across younger couples divorcing after a short time after marriage, perhaps both husband and wife have not gone round the block to appreciate the effort required to keep a marriage alive.

Someone commented abt temptations, they are everywhere and hv to make an effort not to put yrself in situations where you can compromised yrself and marriage. BUt if u hve to play, play without emotion.

Cheers

[john99]

Sorry for double posting.. this thread is kind of interesting with both married andsingles from both sexes contributing to it

[Deztruct]

Originally Posted by tellmiwhy

thanks bro. wat i can say is nvr give up without trying ur best bah. and wat is the best u've tried onli u noe and nt the others. u can bluff others but nt urself. at least u wun regret anything if u noe u've tried ur best. alot of times ppl also dun wana try becoz halfway in the process they already feel that their chances are slim, but u reali nvr noe until u've tried. and alot of times the end results are beyond our expectation.

cheers.

thks for ur advice..currently i am facing a problem. The ger i been in love with for 2 yrs..well..for the 1st time..we finally quarrel..in the past, she was ever so gentle..no matter how bad my temper is..she wld neva quarrel with me..but all changed now..right now..we not +++kin to each other even tho we see each other sometimes

my frds told me tat i shld juz leave things be for the moment..see how things goes..whether she will treasure me only if i not ard..sometimes taking a step back can make u see things better..then i shld really tell her my feelings..all these while..i hv been sort of denyin my feelings for her so much so that its really hard for me to put them down in words or even tell her how i feel abt her...i noe tat i will neva noe the results until i really give it my best shot..but sometimes its like the flesh is willing but the heart is not..in a dilemna now..really not sure wat to do...sometimes i wish tat i can follow ur advice n use u as a inspiration but then again..i cant seem to do it..life sucks

[tomyz]

Originally Posted by tissue

This may be a tad long winded..Sorry, I just wanted to share my story..

Cheers / Tissue

Tissue,
Looks like you found a spouse who loves you more than you love him. Good for you. I have never seen a relationship where both parties love each other to the same degree. Usually I see that one party loves the other more than the other party loves him/her.
Peace

[Deztruct]

Originally Posted by Know_yr_role

I think most of the common people will settle for the closest or next best partner they encounter....Not everyone is perfect, tats human nature, we are not born perfect, so there are bound to be flaws which we must accept and be able to live with them....

we all juz hv to learn to love an imperfect person perfectly

[tissue]

Originally Posted by Deztruct

Really a nice life story..happy for u n ur husband now..i sure ur husband is very lucky to hv u after waitin for so long..from a pt of view of a guy..its really very hard for a guy to juz keep waitin without knowin whether he will succeed anot..sometimes..it really takes alot of self belief and hope to hold on to the waiting

Hi Deztruct,

Thanks for your blessings...

I think he consider himself lucky that he got the woman of his dreams BUT I also consider myself lucky to marry a guy who really loves me for what I am..

I guess mutual understanding is the correct word here..

While he was waiting, he was single with many FBs..During the period, he kept telling me, sometimes subtly sometimes frankly that he was still waiting for me and he would leave them for me..Some have said that he is not sincere as he slept around but it does not work that way for me.

I have my needs and so does he. In fact he admitted to me that a few of his FBs wanted more but he rejected them as he only wanted me as a gf (according to him)..

In any case, not all girls can accept that a guy who is supposed to be waiting for you to sleep around..I think I can because I was sleeping around too..

Cheers / Tissue

[tissue]

Originally Posted by tomyz

Tissue,
Looks like you found a spouse who loves you more than you love him. Good for you. I have never seen a relationship where both parties love each other to the same degree. Usually I see that one party loves the other more than the other party loves him/her.
Peace

Hi tomyz,

I would like to say that we both love each other in our ways though some may see it as he loves me more..

Everyone shows their love in their unique ways. For me, I may be the bad tempered one and I always throw my temper at him..Peopl have said that he's very scared of me. But, I give him back rubs every morning when I wake him up from work, sometimes I give him a good BJ early in the morning, I buy surprise gifts for him even though I always say I did not buy him any presents and I always take note of his likes and dislikes and try not to do it..

There are also times that he raised his voice at me and I kept quiet because I knew he does not know how to vent his anger correctly.

He once mentioned that he does not like a girl who always pinch him and I never did it again after that.

He will NEVER give me surprises and he is not a romantic man to boot. But he is surprisingly attentive in bed and he also remembers what I said...Sometimes I will just casually mention, hey I wanna drink that green tea from that brand and 2 days later, you can see it in the fridge..

Little things like this are worth much much more than words or anything else.

It's because people cannot see what I do for him, thus people have the concept that I am bullying him..

Cheers / Tissue

[tissue]

double posting

[tissue]

Originally Posted by Deztruct

thks for ur advice..currently i am facing a problem. The ger i been in love with for 2 yrs..well..for the 1st time..we finally quarrel..in the past, she was ever so gentle..no matter how bad my temper is..she wld neva quarrel with me..but all changed now..right now..we not +++kin to each other even tho we see each other sometimes

Are you sure that you love her then? When you love somebody, you will not hesitate..Even though we are all adults, there are also times when we will do things for a person that we love..

Maybe you are too confused..May I suggest some time off from each other ( maybe 1 month) then you can start contacting her to see if you still have strong feelings for her?

Cheers / Tissue

[tissue]

Originally Posted by john99

I have never looked back since then....think experience counts. I hve come across younger couples divorcing after a short time after marriage, perhaps both husband and wife have not gone round the block to appreciate the effort required to keep a marriage alive.

Someone commented abt temptations, they are everywhere and hv to make an effort not to put yrself in situations where you can compromised yrself and marriage. BUt if u hve to play, play without emotion.

Cheers

Hi john99,

I agree with you...Falling in love is a very heady affair but when you are not experienced enough to deal with it, it can be deadly.

You will start to have unreasonable expectations, tantrums and frustrations as the feelings of passion fade away.

A person must be realistic enough to know that there is no true love and till death do us part. I always told my husband that there is no eternal love as a couple, no matter how in love they are with each other, also cannot die together at the same time..And there is no certainty that both souls will even meet..Sorry, I digress..

My point is, you have to be realistic.

Marriage is not built in a day or 2. We have to really work for it...bit by but and day by day...

Temptations are everywhere..If you yourself is not commited to your partner, then why should you try to justify by placing the blame on your partner?

A woman's point of view..

Cheers / Tissue

[Know_yr_role]

Originally Posted by surfer888

Very correct. I was a victim of (2) & (4).

4 rep pts for you!

thanks bro for yr pts...

i was almost a victim of 1 also...but luckily i never tie the knot....had 2nd thoughts of it...