Study: Why do guys cheat?

[verywet]

Originally Posted by chariotholder

yup the right word used here. It is ENFORCED. Even if you are not legally married yet, the "societal norms" still make the guy who cheat the bad guy.

i guess u can say that. its like the same action if there were not such adultery law or social norms formed about cheating, then it wont be cheating. we are actually bounded by it to go against out primal instincts. males wants to spread seed, females want alpha males. however our emotions also get in the way. Jealousy/Possessiveness.

That being said i probably cannot take it if my partner has another guy on the side.

[verywet]

Originally Posted by hoiseeker

yes this is true as well. and i have been cheated on and since broken up. fyi my ex gf cheated on me once i forgive her and she did it a second time i just say bye. and when i was with her i never cheated.

i guess cheater always a cheater ?

[DaddyEric]

Impossible to cheat if that's the case. Probably, lacking any one or more of it. Some times what they say might not be what the feel. Some people after 1 night feel bored already(need more stimulation)

[AnnieYJL]

Since the era of the empire, men have never been content. To excite themselves, they require numerous women. If you offer them the most beautiful woman in the world, 8 out of 10 will still stray.

Women therefore use various methods to please their husbands as much as they can. People who play around a lot as teenagers make good husbands. Many of my buddies who excelled in school are now all playboys. Haha

[Bbtt332023]

Don't know why guys cheat in general, but I'll tell u why I cheat.

My wife has a low sex drive. Or perhaps I am not skilled at all. It's hard to get her wet for me because she says it hurts. She's saliva conscious so she doesn't like frenching. She will do it sometimes, but it's not gonna get her in the mood. She also doesn't allow me to go down on her, much less giving me BJ.

She does try, and because it hurts, she has consulted doctor for vaginismus. At least now can enter but I'm not allowed to move much. Only one position is possible and because she has never been sexually active nor interested in sex, during the slow process of sex, she will talk about other stuff that honestly kills the mood.

Cheating has never crossed my mind though because it is something unforgivable. It was until recently where a big incident happened in our relationship that I found mentally and psychologically difficult to overcome. We are back to normal more or less, but I do feel depressed often. Had bouts of depression, and didn't fare well with medication. Previously went to a few rounds of counseling. But didn't feel like it was worth it. After this incident, the talk of counseling came up again.

Didn't think counseling have any use (maybe didn't find good one) and it is expensive. Feeling good from counseling was just temporary so I thought, why not use the money for another avenue to feel good.

There we are. Feel free to judge me, I deserve it.

[larue]

Originally Posted by Bbtt332023

Don't know why guys cheat in general, but I'll tell u why I cheat.

My wife has a low sex drive. Or perhaps I am not skilled at all. It's hard to get her wet for me because she says it hurts. She's saliva conscious so she doesn't like frenching. She will do it sometimes, but it's not gonna get her in the mood. She also doesn't allow me to go down on her, much less giving me BJ.

She does try, and because it hurts, she has consulted doctor for vaginismus. At least now can enter but I'm not allowed to move much. Only one position is possible and because she has never been sexually active nor interested in sex, during the slow process of sex, she will talk about other stuff that honestly kills the mood.

Cheating has never crossed my mind though because it is something unforgivable. It was until recently where a big incident happened in our relationship that I found mentally and psychologically difficult to overcome. We are back to normal more or less, but I do feel depressed often. Had bouts of depression, and didn't fare well with medication. Previously went to a few rounds of counseling. But didn't feel like it was worth it. After this incident, the talk of counseling came up again.

Didn't think counseling have any use (maybe didn't find good one) and it is expensive. Feeling good from counseling was just temporary so I thought, why not use the money for another avenue to feel good.

There we are. Feel free to judge me, I deserve it.

Were you and her not intimate before marriage?

Also I'm very kaypoh and curious as to what this big incident might be. Being teased like this is not enjoyable.

[Bbtt332023]

Originally Posted by larue

Were you and her not intimate before marriage?

Also I'm very kaypoh and curious as to what this big incident might be. Being teased like this is not enjoyable.

We both also not the outgoing type, don't go clubs or have much experience. Yeah, loser I know.

But we did go staycations, cuddle, sometimes nude and she gives me occasional hand jobs. She was saying she wants to have sex only after marriage, but once we started discussing marriage she was open to it. but only capped. But like I said, couldnt get her wet and she doesn't know what makes herself wet, so a few tries and it's too painful to even go in. I never insisted anything so it stops there. Otherwise, intimacy remained the same, hugging, touching, handjobs.

Big incident ah, quarrel lor, until involve my side of the family. Being stuck in between is the main issue I guess. While wounds are fresh, our sex life (or lack thereof) got become a source of argument once also.

[larue]

Originally Posted by Bbtt332023

We both also not the outgoing type, don't go clubs or have much experience. Yeah, loser I know.

But we did go staycations, cuddle, sometimes nude and she gives me occasional hand jobs. She was saying she wants to have sex only after marriage, but once we started discussing marriage she was open to it. but only capped. But like I said, couldnt get her wet and she doesn't know what makes herself wet, so a few tries and it's too painful to even go in. I never insisted anything so it stops there. Otherwise, intimacy remained the same, hugging, touching, handjobs.

Big incident ah, quarrel lor, until involve my side of the family. Being stuck in between is the main issue I guess. While wounds are fresh, our sex life (or lack thereof) got become a source of argument once also.

This isn't about being a loser or anything. Just naivety in BGR.

If you wanna have sex with her you gotta bring up treatment for her vaginismus.

If not, just carry on.

You can probably blame her upbringing for her condition, probably her parents.

You can also blame your own parents for your naivety, but that's another story.

[Bbtt332023]

Originally Posted by larue

This isn't about being a loser or anything. Just naivety in BGR.

If you wanna have sex with her you gotta bring up treatment for her vaginismus.

If not, just carry on.

You can probably blame her upbringing for her condition, probably her parents.

You can also blame your own parents for your naivety, but that's another story.

Went for treatment la. That's why can enter.

Yup, background and upbringing does play a huge factor. She has a tough childhood. Mine not that tough, but has it's own issues. Vicious cycle imo. My issues that led to my character, has empowered the character that was caused by her issues.

But oh well. It is what it is now. Going towards vice activities is just a way of getting that artificial feeling of being valued, considering it's something I don't feel in reality. And also to satisfy curiosity.

[larue]

Originally Posted by Bbtt332023

Went for treatment la. That's why can enter.

Yup, background and upbringing does play a huge factor. She has a tough childhood. Mine not that tough, but has it's own issues. Vicious cycle imo. My issues that led to my character, has empowered the character that was caused by her issues.

But oh well. It is what it is now. Going towards vice activities is just a way of getting that artificial feeling of being valued, considering it's something I don't feel in reality. And also to satisfy curiosity.

Sounds like you have your shit in order. Good luck.

Remember not to fuck up your own kids, should there ever be any.

[Bbtt332023]

Originally Posted by larue

Sounds like you have your shit in order. Good luck.

Remember not to fuck up your own kids, should there ever be any.

Hahaha, thanks. No plans to have kids. She don't like kids and for me, even tho I do, the main deterrence is potentially fucking them up. Don't think I'm equipped to bring them up properly, and even if I am, it's hard to know what to do or what not to do. Plus, it would be irresponsible to have kids just because I like kids.

[BreakingZero]

My main reason for cheating is because I have no connection with my partner anymore. Having kids takes a toll on both of us and she's always not in the mood. So I find myself going to other places to handle my urges.

[Bbtt332023]

Originally Posted by syncrossed

probably most married bros here experience this or some variation - wife not willing/able to sexually please them

if wife is not willing to provide sex/affection to her husband, naturally he will look for it elsewhere - its just that simple

i dont feel there is anything to judge here

Haha, thanks. Well, there are many flaws that I am insecure about and to be judged on. Besides vice, perhaps the inability to turn on my partner either due to being inexperienced at sex or less than optimal male appendage, probably both.

[alleycat]

after birth of my 2nd kid in 2016, suddenly wife doesnt want sex anymore. Its like a switch went off. I faced countless rejections. Not even cuddles in bed anymore. Previously, she'd would want sex a lot.

we had a huge argument over the deadbedroom situation sometime back, nearly led to a divorce. One of her remarks was "I only wanted sex to have kids". Man, that truly hurt.

Since 2016 till now, we only had sex total of 6 times. That's like once a year of deadfish 'obligatory' sex.

I struggled with this a lot previously. Always fantasized that me n wifey could go back to our great fucks when we were dating/early marriage. Then i slowly thought over and realised its not worth killing myself over this. (yes i had depression and suicide tendencies). I have 2 beautiful daughters who really love me, and for that I'm really grateful.

I changed my mindset. Decided to not let the sex issue get better of me. I decided to be a happier husband and dad. Now I go GL if I cannot supress the urge (which on average once every 4 months).

And this lifestyle kind of works for now. Me n wifey are actually happier with each other (of cos she doesnt know my side hobby), probably because i no longer pressure her into sex. We still hold hands going out, still have our playful banter, just zero sex or intimate cuddles. Basically a married room mate. Kids are happy to see us happy too. One day, as I get older, my libido will slowly die off too and that'll be the end of my GL/FL seeking days.

When i was a teenager and single, I despised men who cheated. Always thought that men should always be faithful to their wives. As I grew, and now in my mid forties, I realised that life isnt all that black and white. Its only going through actual experience and long term struggles that I understood this.

[Enron]

Originally Posted by alleycat

after birth of my 2nd kid in 2016, suddenly wife doesnt want sex anymore. Its like a switch went off. I faced countless rejections. Not even cuddles in bed anymore. Previously, she'd would want sex a lot.

we had a huge argument over the deadbedroom situation sometime back, nearly led to a divorce. One of her remarks was "I only wanted sex to have kids". Man, that truly hurt.

Since 2016 till now, we only had sex total of 6 times. That's like once a year of deadfish 'obligatory' sex.

I struggled with this a lot previously. Always fantasized that me n wifey could go back to our great fucks when we were dating/early marriage. Then i slowly thought over and realised its not worth killing myself over this. (yes i had depression and suicide tendencies). I have 2 beautiful daughters who really love me, and for that I'm really grateful.

I changed my mindset. Decided to not let the sex issue get better of me. I decided to be a happier husband and dad. Now I go GL if I cannot supress the urge (which on average once every 4 months).

And this lifestyle kind of works for now. Me n wifey are actually happier with each other (of cos she doesnt know my side hobby), probably because i no longer pressure her into sex. We still hold hands going out, still have our playful banter, just zero sex or intimate cuddles. Basically a married room mate. Kids are happy to see us happy too. One day, as I get older, my libido will slowly die off too and that'll be the end of my GL/FL seeking days.

When i was a teenager and single, I despised men who cheated. Always thought that men should always be faithful to their wives. As I grew, and now in my mid forties, I realised that life isnt all that black and white. Its only going through actual experience and long term struggles that I understood this.

Wah bro I respect you, how do you only visit FL once every 4 months? I am kind of in the same situation as you but I visit ML weekly, sometime twice a week.