Sick and tired of being a Loser

[50HuesOfBlue]

Definitely agree on the frequency part. Have to find someone that thinks the same way as you do, cuz differences in thinking are often the primary cause of breakups.

[VenusianArtist]

Take it easy bro. The population is set to grow and you'll have more choices / chances.

[LED...]

Like some bros mentioned, approach with a open heart and you will succeed easily. If no result, at least its not so hurting!!

Or can try imports from overseas, chances higher

[PurpleWing]

Hang in there! Life will get better.. Enjoy being single now.. Be positive..

[JacqueMerlin]

Originally Posted by SushiJiro

Been single for the past 3 years since my last relationship ended. Chanced upon my ex-gf FB and see that she is blissfully married and has a 1-year old son now. And inevitably I asked myself, what have i done with my own life for the past 3 years?
I have spent the last 3 valentines' day and CNY alone and mostly likely the coming one too... and more important than any special occasions, I am ashamed about how my life is stuck in a rut.
Naturally, you would ask why am I not picking myself up and moving on with life? Why am I not seeing anyone new?

Now here's where my issues lies - It is not that I did not try. In fact, I have never tried so hard in my life. I have tried everything- from having friends/colleagues introducing their female friend to me, to getting to know a complete new gal at the club.
But no matter what i do, the outcome seems to be always the same- the other party will take an extremely long time to reply sms and from her response, it is clear she is not the least interested in me (even as a friend).

I seemed to be perennially shut off by people now and there is almost nothing I can do when the other party simply does not respond. Things were not always like this, and I have had several normal relationships before. I don't know what has changed ( i.e. Could i have become extremely grotesque overnight) but things just aren't the same anymore.

bro, you have no idea how much some bros envy your singlehood. Are you sure you want to join the ranks of those attached?

[Intltuk]

Do u ever think u trying too hard?? Don't focus on getting a GF......just widen ur circle of friends. Don't look at women as potential GF/wife...u're scaring them off . Be urself, join more social activities, make more friends.........things will fall into place if they are meant to be..........when u being obsessive...u not being urself...........be cool.......take all friends u make as friends.........when the right person appears...u will know and u will know wat do to.......

[dustzee]

Hi Bro,

My very humble opinion, I suspect I've been through what you are facing, and I think this is what we call the "SMS problem"

1) Stop chasing girls with SMSes. Ask them out. Call them. Have fun. If they reject once, ask another time. If they are really not keen, move on.

2) Secondly, don't be too bothered over SMS replies. Get your life busy with things that enrich your life so you won't be too bothered about replies.

3) you can only establish a rapport over facetime (face to face). So try to meet the girl face to face if possible. It is generally difficult to build anything over SMSes.

4) SMSes are really bad indicators of how a girl might respond to your advances. It filters away the important non-verbal ques in most communication.

Bro, hope this helps you if you are really going through what I experienced before. There is nothing wrong with you at all. In fact, I have friends who are very eligible but also have this SMS problem. I believe the symptom is there if you're talking about feeling down due to SMSes.

[SushiJiro]

Originally Posted by dustzee

Hi Bro,

My very humble opinion, I suspect I've been through what you are facing, and I think this is what we call the "SMS problem"

Bro, hope this helps you if you are really going through what I experienced before. There is nothing wrong with you at all. In fact, I have friends who are very eligible but also have this SMS problem. I believe the symptom is there if you're talking about feeling down due to SMSes.

Hi bro, thanks for the detailed breakdown on my problem. I agree that sms is not a good indicative tool. I usually see it as a channel to build some rapport, before asking the gal out. It seems to work well for some of my friends, but not for me. But well, nothing seems to work for me.

But given the following scenario: after meeting a gal for the first time (say a mutual friend introduced us over dinner), and i am interested in knowing her better, the most likely channel will be sending sms right? I guess it seems less abrupt than calling her after the 1st meeting to ask her out right?

Anyway, i seldom reach that point cos usually after the initial few sms, her replies will dwindle off. And even when i asked specifically for a day to ask her out, the reply will be "sorry i can't make it on the day".
I assume if the gal is at least remotely interested, she might offer an alternative day or the very least continue to keep in contact. But usually in my case, the reply i get is a straight no and absolutely no contact after that.

Actually without having to ask anyone here, i should know the answer myself isn't it

[SushiJiro]

Originally Posted by JacqueMerlin

bro, you have no idea how much some bros envy your singlehood. Are you sure you want to join the ranks of those attached?

Yes bro, i think that both being attached and single has its merits and disadvantages. Like i mentioned, looking deeper inside, i realised that as much as i would like to have a partner at this point of my life, i acknowledged that it is not a necessity. What deeply pains is the fact that i seemed to be rejected repeatedly... i admit that it is my damaged ego that is hurting.

[Gambit7]

TS, actually this is happening to me too. Just a short intro, I'm 31 now and above average looking guy. I have my own business to do and quite busy of it. Every week i would take flight twice just for business trip. Consider me as single workaholic looking to settle down type of guy. I find it very hard to interact with gals nowadays... Girls need time and process, but I realised I lack the power to woo gals anymore... I tried very hard to show my sincerity and none likes me. Therefore, I really feel it's quite disappointing ya know...

Never once that I mistreated my ex.. I always showered her with whatever I have, she wanna buy bags, I would buy for her, etc, etc.. But because of LDR, we broke up and this happens everytime.. Girls can't be explained logically.. We r working our arse off to earn money for our future, but because I can't meet her on regular basis, she ditched me... It's not like I dun meet her, I try to go and see her whenever I have free time, but she just wants more and more.. Used to be once biweekly, become once a week, now she wanna meet once in 3 days. I have to work man.... When we broke up, I told her hey pls dun break up... Look at what I have done and sacrificed for u over the years, and u know what her reply is? That is normal, everyone treat me so good, u as my bf, have to treat me even better... When I heard this, it really broke my heart... Ur iphone 4 got stolen, I replaced it with Iphone 5, ur money got stolen, i transfered u the money, u said tired, i bring u for overseas holiday, i was the one who always took care of ur car while u r working, i went heaven and hell just to meet u, and u replied me with that sentence? As if i did everything is for nothing? U think i pay all these without working my arse of for it?

Some Girls r very cruel, if she doesnt wanna be with u, she can turn to be a completely different person and tell u things that made u look like a fool.

So think twice, if u guys r meant to be, she would do everything for u and appreciate ur efforts, and u will love her wholeheartedly in return.

[dustzee]

Originally Posted by SushiJiro

Hi bro, thanks for the detailed breakdown on my problem. I agree that sms is not a good indicative tool. I usually see it as a channel to build some rapport, before asking the gal out. It seems to work well for some of my friends, but not for me. But well, nothing seems to work for me.

But given the following scenario: after meeting a gal for the first time (say a mutual friend introduced us over dinner), and i am interested in knowing her better, the most likely channel will be sending sms right? I guess it seems less abrupt than calling her after the 1st meeting to ask her out right?

Anyway, i seldom reach that point cos usually after the initial few sms, her replies will dwindle off. And even when i asked specifically for a day to ask her out, the reply will be "sorry i can't make it on the day".
I assume if the gal is at least remotely interested, she might offer an alternative day or the very least continue to keep in contact. But usually in my case, the reply i get is a straight no and absolutely no contact after that.

Actually without having to ask anyone here, i should know the answer myself isn't it

Yes. I think sending SMS first is the most convenient and safest way to do it. However, that's the very early stage. I think you shouldn't feel affected by it as the girl isn't really "rejecting you", she doesn't "know" you yet.

Trying to chase a girl after one meeting is very challenging, especially if u can only text her.
Just an idea: get into social groups that have girls you can meet on regular basis. Do things together. Of course, you also have to choose activities that you are interested in.

[dustzee]

Originally Posted by Gambit7

TS, actually this is happening to me too. Just a short intro, I'm 31 now and above average looking guy. I have my own business to do and quite busy of it. Every week i would take flight twice just for business trip. Consider me as single workaholic looking to settle down type of guy. I find it very hard to interact with gals nowadays... Girls need time and process, but I realised I lack the power to woo gals anymore... I tried very hard to show my sincerity and none likes me. Therefore, I really feel it's quite disappointing ya know...

Never once that I mistreated my ex.. I always showered her with whatever I have, she wanna buy bags, I would buy for her, etc, etc.. But because of LDR, we broke up and this happens everytime.. Girls can't be explained logically.. We r working our arse off to earn money for our future, but because I can't meet her on regular basis, she ditched me... It's not like I dun meet her, I try to go and see her whenever I have free time, but she just wants more and more.. Used to be once biweekly, become once a week, now she wanna meet once in 3 days. I have to work man.... When we broke up, I told her hey pls dun break up... Look at what I have done and sacrificed for u over the years, and u know what her reply is? That is normal, everyone treat me so good, u as my bf, have to treat me even better... When I heard this, it really broke my heart... Ur iphone 4 got stolen, I replaced it with Iphone 5, ur money got stolen, i transfered u the money, u said tired, i bring u for overseas holiday, i was the one who always took care of ur car while u r working, i went heaven and hell just to meet u, and u replied me with that sentence? As if i did everything is for nothing? U think i pay all these without working my arse of for it?

Some Girls r very cruel, if she doesnt wanna be with u, she can turn to be a completely different person and tell u things that made u look like a fool.

So think twice, if u guys r meant to be, she would do everything for u and appreciate ur efforts, and u will love her wholeheartedly in return.

Bro, I know what u mean. It's like you're trying so hard and she's at the receiving end, yet she is the one who break it up and blame it on you.

[RootAccess]

Have to agree on the SMS part. Those with more than a few exes always advise me to call them instead of SMS-ing them. For one, its very hard to tell what the girl is thinking when you sms.

[CapricornAscend]

My condolences to Gambit7. Hope you find someone who appreciates your efforts.

[LoverSon]

Originally Posted by Gambit7

U think i pay all these without working my arse of for it?
.

Hi Bro, why not just earn a load of money, than retire to some Well to do asean country, set up a small little business, and let it run by itself. After that, you will have more free time for yourself to find a gf

Better than having a GF who treats you unfairly after all you had done for her.

Seems to me you pampered your girl too much.