The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[jintulan]

Originally Posted by surfer888

That very thought of growing old with my wife turns me off...

Originally Posted by Deztruct

not really sure abt wat happen but then if u realise tat she is the one u love most..y not try to patch things up again?

Thats a beautiful thought from Deztruct.
I can understand how it feels like after the bed of roses got trampled into a rotten mess. It's a lot harder to clean up the mess and tidy things up than to arrange fresh sweet smelling roses on a new bed.
Sometimes, life is like a work of art. When something happens that triggers our inspiration, pick up the paint brushes quickly and start painting. You may surprise yourself what you can create out of a canvas that is already covered by dirty smudges from the past. What I am trying to say is, - try not to miss that fleeting moment when it comes. They come to each and every one of us, we just don't know when.

[JWNY]

Originally Posted by sherrry

Some lagi better, go there together, then halfway quarrel, then rebound find a new partner.

A pilot friend of mine was in this relationship for 7 years and was engaged...the lady had always saw my friend off during his flights...one day, she met someone else on one of this routine "send offs"...and hit off, even cancelling the engagement shortly after...

at her wedding, which my friend attended, people whispered "Say...isn't HE the groom?" .....tears rolled down my friends cheeks....even the meanest men cry

Blessing in disguise...or lost of the century for my friend? We'll never know......

JWNY

[jng1103]

Originally Posted by JWNY

A pilot friend of mine was in this relationship for 7 years and was engaged...the lady had always saw my friend off during his flights...one day, she met someone else on one of this routine "send offs"...and hit off, even cancelling the engagement shortly after...

at her wedding, which my friend attended, people whispered "Say...isn't HE the groom?" .....tears rolled down my friends cheeks....even the meanest men cry

Blessing in disguise...or lost of the century for my friend? We'll never know......

JWNY

wow... dats very dramatic. sounds familiar with those scenes on korean drama. anyway, ur fren is a pilot, so why worry?

jimbo

[JWNY]

Originally Posted by jng1103

wow... dats very dramatic. sounds familiar with those scenes on korean drama. anyway, ur fren is a pilot, so why worry?

jimbo

Sometimes, when you pin ALL hope on one person...and that person dissapoints...the pain, could be "un-done"

JWNY

[jng1103]

Originally Posted by JWNY

Sometimes, when you pin ALL hope on one person...and that person dissapoints...the pain, could be "un-done"

JWNY

Totally agree... that's the most fragile of human being ==> ATTACHMENT. To avoid this, we must learn how to be "detachment" and selfish on certain occassions. I hope he would learn from this experience and hey, find another hot stewardess

jimbo

[dirtymonk82]

Sometime we must learn to be selffish, must learn not to put all the eggs in one basket.

[OceanEleven]

Then again without a full commitment, one cannot expect full dedication from the other party as well. I still prefer to give your best shot, even though it failed but you know at least you tried.

[JWNY]

Originally Posted by OceanEleven

Then again without a full commitment, one cannot expect full dedication from the other party as well. I still prefer to give your best shot, even though it failed but you know at least you tried.

Then...it would be better to be loved, than love...

JWNY

[jinrenhe]

Originally Posted by Deztruct

sometimes i wonder if the one tat we feel we love the most will always be the one tat we neva get? bcoz we cant ever get her..tats y we can only depend on our memory to remember her and only think abt her gd..but once we are together..her faults become more noticable to us

i've wonder about this too... what if one day we can be togethere with the gal we love most--- as time goes by, it'll be inevitable to see each other in a more realistic, human perspective. will it still be happily ever after?

i guess usually it's cos the relationship is gone before we cld fully grasp it, and we tend to realize how much we miss her after losing her, so there'll always be that sense of regret.

[jinrenhe]

Originally Posted by jng1103

Totally agree... that's the most fragile of human being ==> ATTACHMENT. To avoid this, we must learn how to be "detachment" and selfish on certain occassions. I hope he would learn from this experience and hey, find another hot stewardess
jimbo

Yes Buddishism teaching says the root of all misery is attachment... the only way to be not overly attached to one good gal(without achieving nirvena) is to know as many chio bus as possible...

Originally Posted by dirtymonk82

Sometime we must learn to be selffish, must learn not to put all the eggs in one basket.

Yes theory of diversification also teaches that diversifying our "investment" lower risk... but diversification only works to a certain risk since market risk would still affect assets cross the board.

So the conclusion is we must know as many gals as possible, in order to eliminate the evil of "attachment" and lower our "risk" of failures & rejections

[watmidoin]

whether u love ur wife MOST or not is not important as long as u love her ENOUGH.

i almost got married for all the wrong reasons.

my colleague was feeling the peer pressure to get hitched while i had lost my faith in love and just wanted a hole to screw. we went out a few times. she dropped hints. i almost wanted to suggest us getting together. i'm glad i didn't. i can't imagine living the rest of my life with somebody who is just a hole to me. i know she doesn't love me as well. i just happen to be an available guy with a stable income. a decent person to be married to.

since its hard to find available girls whom i'll love at my age, i might never marry. but its better than having married for the wrong reasons.

• never marry because of peer pressure - ur peers can't be held responsible if it screws ur life up.
• never marry just to have kids - life is tough enuf. don't make ur kids suffer a broken family.
• never marry just to buy a hdb - be patient and wait till 35.
• never marry just to have a hole to screw - there's always sbf i stopped after trying commercial sex just once because i didn't want to bring diseases to girls that i might meet. i still have a little hope. but i tell myself i'll only tahan until i'm 30. i hope sbf will still be around two years later

in other words, don't use marriage as a way to get something else.

[GLHunter]

Originally Posted by OceanEleven

Then again without a full commitment, one cannot expect full dedication from the other party as well. I still prefer to give your best shot, even though it failed but you know at least you tried.

i fully agreed with bro OceanEleven, every relationship deserves our best shot. coz every shot is meant to last a lifetime..

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by watmidoin

whether u love ur wife MOST or not is not important as long as u love her ENOUGH.

in other words, don't use marriage as a way to get something else.

Wholeheartedly agree. Although I did not marry the person I loved the most, I married someone whom I thought I could settle down with and start a family. Start a family, I did... settle down... never quite managed that part.

Being pragmatic, I married for all the logical reasons and chose the person that could achieve that with me. Sort of like setting your KPIs and figuring out how to hit them and outperform. I have money, nice car, nice house, kid, no debt, good liquidity, all I targeted to get in my KPIs.... however, there is still a sense of emptiness in me.

Sometimes I think my marriage was more of a "business" arrangement. Planning and reasoning gets you where you want but it may not get you the fulfillment you subconsciously seek.

[suteerak1099]

Originally Posted by JWNY

Then...it would be better to be loved, than love...

JWNY

well, i find it pretty much a chicken/egg issue. relationship is about 2 parties participating as 1, and there's just no means to measure who's doing more, or who's doing less. 1 party has to initiate things, while the other has to reciprocate. and if we were to calculate... it'd probably be too difficult to balance the equation.

love; comes from the heart, received with the heart.

[suteerak1099]

Originally Posted by surfer888

Wholeheartedly agree. Although I did not marry the person I loved the most, I married someone whom I thought I could settle down with and start a family. Start a family, I did... settle down... never quite managed that part.

Being pragmatic, I married for all the logical reasons and chose the person that could achieve that with me. Sort of like setting your KPIs and figuring out how to hit them and outperform. I have money, nice car, nice house, kid, no debt, good liquidity, all I targeted to get in my KPIs.... however, there is still a sense of emptiness in me.

Sometimes I think my marriage was more of a "business" arrangement. Planning and reasoning gets you where you want but it may not get you the fulfillment you subconsciously seek.

i think i'd agree on that thought. the 1 (you think) you love most, may not necessarily be the 1 you can live with. there's just multiplications of permutations, amidst all probable algorithms, that things can work out or fail eventually.

somethings in life involves risk... hopefully its calculated risk.