Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[FattycatDolly]

Very good jokes bro, thanks!!

[S.B.Y.1]

A man was lying in bed after with his new found girlfriend. After having great sex she would spent an hour just playing with his balls because she told him that she loves playing with them.
As he was enjoying it he'll ask her "why do you love doing that"
"Because......she would reply ... I really miss Mine"

[hydrogen]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

A man was lying in bed after with his new found girlfriend. After having great sex she would spent an hour just playing with his balls because she told him that she loves playing with them.
As he was enjoying it he'll ask her "why do you love doing that"
"Because......she would reply ... I really miss Mine"

LOL thanks for sharing

[lipe]

.


One sperm says to the other: "How far is it to the ovaries?" .


The other one replies: "Relax. We just passed the tonsils."

[lipe]

.



Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to
convey its full meaning.

[lipe]

.

Two friends are chatting.


One says, "Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come?"


His friend replies, "Of course! How many people are coming?"


"Three, if you bring your girlfriend.



.

[lobangkingz]

Thanks for the jokes. Happy CNY to all.

[bigbirdbird]

A waiter was working one night, when a beautiful Blonde was seated in his section. He went over to take her order, and saw that she was crying.

"What is wrong, miss? Are you ok?" he asked.

Wiping tears from her eyes, she looked up at him and said, "My boyfriend just dumped me, and today is my birthday. Nice gift, isn't it?"

The waiter talked with her a few moments, and was able to get her to stop crying. He kept a close eye on her, and when she had finished her meal, he went into the kitchen, cut a large slice from the best cake on the menu, and stuck a candle in it. He lit the candle, and brought it to her table. She looked very happy, and he was glad. He said, "Make a wish and blow!"

She closed her eyes, and made her wish. Then she came up to the waiter, got down on her knees, unzipped his pants, pulled out his cock, and started sucking on it. He had no idea why she was doing this, but she was really into it, sucking away, and playing with his balls. He knew that he should stop her - they did not even know each others names - but hey, when you have got a hot blonde going down on you, are you really going to say, "No, do not do it?"

He stood there, enjoying every moment, and when she made him cum, he exploded inside her mouth, and she swallowed every drop of his huge, hot load. She looked up at him with a smile, and said, "Did you like it?"

He said, "Yes, of course, you do it great, but I am just wondering why you suddenly started sucking my cock?"

She looked confused. "Well, I was just doing what you told me to."

Now he is confused. "What I told you to?"

Smiling, she says, "Don't tell me you forgot already. You said, 'Make a wish and blow!'"

[bigbirdbird]

A cop was walking his beat through a back alley when he caught a young boy having a wank in the long grass.

"What do you think you're doing?" the cop said.

"What does it look like? I'm having a wank," the kid replied.

"You'd best be careful, boy." the cop warned. "When we catch a young fella doing that, we cut his dick off, stretch and dry it, put a leather thong through one end to make a police baton out of it."

"And I bet I know what you do when you catch a girl doing it." said the young boy.

"And what's that?" asked the cop.

"I bet you cut out her cunt, dry and stretch it, then put it in a blue uniform!"

[bigbirdbird]

Three friends took their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas and they all had a great time.

A few days after they returned home, the men were sitting around talking about their trip.

"I don't think I'm ever going to do that again!" says the first guy. "Since we've been back, my wife flings her arms and hollers '7 come 11' all night long. I haven't had a wink of sleep!"

"I hear ya, buddy," the second guy replies. "My wife played blackjack the whole time we were there. Since we've been back, she slaps the bed all night and hollers 'hit me light, hit me hard'. I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"

"You guys think you have it bad!" exclaims the third guy. "My wife played the slots the entire time we were there. Every morning I wake up with a sore dick and an ass full of quarters!"

[bigbirdbird]

A man returned from a very fancy hospital and was telling his friend all about his experience.

Man: The hospital I was in was very specialized.

Friend: How so ?

Man: They had a food nurse who gave you food.
They had a drug nurse who gave you drugs.
They had a coffee nurse who gave you coffee.
Then there was the head nurse..

[bigbirdbird]

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal.

Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion.

He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear.

Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought.

"If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out.

As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."

In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.

As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read,"Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

[bigbirdbird]

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.

The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."

The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!"

To which the first replies, "Whoa I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"

[S.B.Y.1]

Drinking and Driving An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest, fingers crossed. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again

Q: How is a Catholic priest like a Christmas tree?
A: The balls are just for decoration


Q: What kind of fun does a priest have?
A: Nun

Q: Why don't nuns wear bras?
A: God supports everything

If money is the root of all evil, then why do they ask for it in church?

Q: What's the cure for marriage?
A: Alcoholism

Q: Why don't black people go on cruises? A
A: They already fell for that trick once

[StarHubbing]

Very good jokes, thanks for sharing guys!