The old times....

[papy]

1st of all your story is very well written and I can feel your pain and dilemma....

there were a couple of stories that are so well written in SBF yet I have nvr taken the effort to register and comment well...... I'm here.....

Just my thoughts and I didn't want to burst your bubbles but I had to say this.

I feel that your love with Yvonne will only be a dream fulfilled if you took the effort to look for her after you ORD, that is your part sadly you held it close to your heart and nvr release until lately or for this matter too late......

while if Yvonne really loves you she wouldn't leave you just because of loneliness....... while you are in camp, not that you have a choice......

In order to love such a woman, you will have to give up a lot of things.......
a selfish person I would say...... you deserve better for your loyalty and the capability to love.........

Love is hard to judge but if logically I really think love should be reciprocated becos love is between 2 beings for this matter and not for selfish gains which you have portrait Yvonne in this story...... for loneliness she left u while you are In camp and now while her husband is not around and that probably he is having nice time with women while entertaining.........

Still I think she isn't an ideal woman to be around.... not loyal and is afraid of loneliness......
Love doesn't seem so important to her nor something she can't live without.... but loneliness she can't live without.....

Sorry if I misinterpreted Yvonne's character, I just thought you deserve better....... loyal and selflessness is a gem these days...... or to my own context......

Hope you can find your peace...........

[zerofighter]

Thanks bro for yr comments... appreciate it....

Love by itself is a gamble... from the very beginning... i am aware of the education gap netween me and yvonne. That is the reason which hold my feelings for her.... however events slowly unfolded and we r eventually together.....

The fact is i progressed slower than her is evident and can fully understand her insecurity....
The only regret is this relationship is nt fruitful...

Originally Posted by papy

1st of all your story is very well written and I can feel your pain and dilemma....

there were a couple of stories that are so well written in SBF yet I have nvr taken the effort to register and comment well...... I'm here.....

Just my thoughts and I didn't want to burst your bubbles but I had to say this.

I feel that your love with Yvonne will only be a dream fulfilled if you took the effort to look for her after you ORD, that is your part sadly you held it close to your heart and nvr release until lately or for this matter too late......

while if Yvonne really loves you she wouldn't leave you just because of loneliness....... while you are in camp, not that you have a choice......

In order to love such a woman, you will have to give up a lot of things.......
a selfish person I would say...... you deserve better for your loyalty and the capability to love.........

Love is hard to judge but if logically I really think love should be reciprocated becos love is between 2 beings for this matter and not for selfish gains which you have portrait Yvonne in this story...... for loneliness she left u while you are In camp and now while her husband is not around and that probably he is having nice time with women while entertaining.........

Still I think she isn't an ideal woman to be around.... not loyal and is afraid of loneliness......
Love doesn't seem so important to her nor something she can't live without.... but loneliness she can't live without.....

Sorry if I misinterpreted Yvonne's character, I just thought you deserve better....... loyal and selflessness is a gem these days...... or to my own context......

Hope you can find your peace...........

[furritales]

[cr8tiv3]

Bro I really can relate to your life story and it has certainly triggered my tear ducts while reading.

I've been thru the nineties ah beng era and reading your story did bring up old memories. I am from a neighbourhood school too and my ex was a st nicks girl in the special stream. As those days there were no mobile phones, she would sneak out of her house after her parents slept to call me using public phone. Ah memories

I really hope u can find peace and joy with your life and your 2 kids.

[zerofighter]

Originally Posted by furritales

Thanks sis for the song... one of my old times fave.....

[zerofighter]

Originally Posted by cr8tiv3

Bro I really can relate to your life story and it has certainly triggered my tear ducts while reading.

I've been thru the nineties ah beng era and reading your story did bring up old memories. I am from a neighbourhood school too and my ex was a st nicks girl in the special stream. As those days there were no mobile phones, she would sneak out of her house after her parents slept to call me using public phone. Ah memories

I really hope u can find peace and joy with your life and your 2 kids.

Yup... bro... these r indeed sweet memories.... which is worthy to be remembered.... best wishes to u and yr family too. .

[Nekgnil]

一次不忠，百次不用。
If you can't make everyone else happy, just make yourself happy.

[zerofighter]

One of the old fave while i am in my secondary days....



Hope that u guys will like it....

[ben2011]

Originally Posted by zerofighter

One of the old fave while i am in my secondary days....

Hope that u guys will like it....

Bro ltnc, how r u now?

[zerofighter]

Bro.. i am fine. Now clearing leave to spend more time with the kids and taking care of the baby. She really bring this family bundles of joy.. though it can be quite tiring at times. Having to go through to square 1... feeding and baby cries at the middle of nite again. But it is worth it as u can see her growing and her innocent smiles.

Bro how have u been too? Time really flies, we have know each other for slightly over a year now.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas in advance. God bless you and yr family.

[zerofighter]

▶ 没有缘份也枉然 by 黃露儀 Tracy Huang - YouTube

天色暗 人影单 走天涯 越高山 人生要过多少关 究竟有完没有完 我心里已感疲倦 无奈人在江湖上 恩恩怨怨不能断 只有默默向前闯
萍踪飘泊万里怒海中 看尽人生世事惨 想凭着手中枪泄心中怨 却怕鲜血把江湖染 江湖染 江湖染
不忍看 你流泪 看了叫人心也碎 我也不要离你去 无奈命运要我流浪 莫叹息莫悲伤 人生本是梦一场 虽有誓约重如山 没有缘份也惘然
萍踪飘泊万里怒海中 看尽人生世事惨 想凭着手中枪泄心中怨 却怕鲜血把江湖染 江湖染 江湖染

One of my fave old songs when i am in my sec sch days. Hope that u guys will like it.

[GrieGzEters]

Originally Posted by zerofighter

Bro.. i am fine. Now clearing leave to spend more time with the kids and taking care of the baby. She really bring this family bundles of joy.. though it can be quite tiring at times. Having to go through to square 1... feeding and baby cries at the middle of nite again. But it is worth it as u can see her growing and her innocent smiles.

Bro how have u been too? Time really flies, we have know each other for slightly over a year now.


Wishing you a Merry Christmas in advance. God bless you and yr family.

Wow, I am really amazed that you can treat the baby as your own. I really salute you for that. I really would not know what to do if I am in your shoes, probably its takes lots of courage to do that. I hope your r/s with your wife is stronger by the days. Knowing that you are there for her through these hard times, she will come to realise there no other better man for her other than u. Merry christmas and Happy new year to you!

[pasted]

Bro zero fighter. I'm same era different area.

First of all, glad to see that you are coming less here to pen your frustrations. Which means you are less emotionally stressed now and as is evident, you are an emotional man who in actual fact cannot control your emotions well. Rather than that, I think it's more apt to say you do not understand yourself well.

What I am about to say may not go down well with you are other bros here. But I do it with sincerity because I hope you change a bit of your thinking, so that you can be happy in your future.

First of all. I must say that even during our era, it's not whether you chup or not, the character of people will always remain diverse. I think no need to say u also know, some is for brother, especially when younger, but many more (in fact majority) is in your face, brother this brother that, when got problem Li you zuay ge ba you.

Good to see you fall into first category. But one thing I notice about the first category of brothers. You tend to fall into a tragic hero persona. Everything just ziap xiu. Just want do good. But inside, emotional turmoil. Yes, your religion teach you to do right thing. But end of the proverbial day, I can quite confidently say, you are doing the right thing, because it's selfish. You do the right thing because you do not want to feel guilty. It's applaudable, it makes you feel noble, especially if it comes as an expense to yourself. Tragic hero.

Next. Yvonne. Emotions are the greatest liars. To put it more specifically. The emotion love is the greatest liar. Did you think of her when you are saying your wedding vows? Or when your wife have birth to your sons? What is love? Thinking of her when you are drinking alone in a pub? Do you think the intensity or even type of feelings for her change? Did you suddenly think of her after your marriage got problem? Why did you not contact her the last 20 years? Only now. Because your emotions are playing tricks on you. Or rather, as your brain process every new bits of information, it subconsciously searches for the best solutions to make you, the owner of the brain, 'feels' better.

And while Yvonne was throwing herself at you, the truth is that at that point in time, it really didn't matter whether it was you or another guy showing her concern. She would have acted the same way. So now you think you have done a good deed. Because by being the saint that was there to prevent another rascal who would take advantage of the situation and maybe the same as your wife, got her pregnant and end their marriage? No. There was problem between them. What authority do you have to decide for her that saving the marriage is the right thing to do for her? I mean right not in the sense of morally right. But rather the best outcome going forward. Do you know for a fact?

I look at your struggles during that period with much interest. The very fact you were tempted or as you put it, emotionally betrayed your wife is telling. The doubt remains now, not for me, but for yourself to find out and realize about yourself. There is no undying faith on your part that the teachings of your faith is absolutely the right thing to do. You had doubts, that much was certain. So the question if where does your doubt stems from? 1. You think that the best solution for everyone involved going forward is that maybe if both of you get out of the hell of a marriage you are in, and be a couple again. That forcing 2 couples that do not love their spouse anymore to stay married is the wrong thing to do despite the teachings of your faith. 2. U were in such emotional and heart wrenching turmoil that you really want to be with her again. And doing so will ease the pain you were suffering. No need to tell anyone the answer, just answer yourself truthfully. 3. Did you again choose the path of the tragic hero again because deep down inside you want to, or because of your faith?

Ask yourself the same sets of question when faced with the dilemma of your wife's unwanted pregnancy. Hope these questions set you thinking and help you understand yourself better and what decisions you should take in the future better.

Just to share. Let's say I found out my wife is having an affair. Upon questioning her why she did what she did. And she gave one of these 2 answers. Which answer do you think is the one I will forgive her for.

1. I was emotionally vulnerable, and he was there for me. I could not control my feeling. I am really sorry I hurt you.
2. The opportunity presents itself and after carefully evaluating the rewards I might get from the affairs vs the probability of you finding out which was pretty low. I decided its worth it to gamble.

I would definitely forgive 2. U?

I want to say again, I bear no hostility in these words I said. Just hope that you can understand yourself better and find peace that you can love with.

[zerofighter]

Originally Posted by GrieGzEters

Wow, I am really amazed that you can treat the baby as your own. I really salute you for that. I really would not know what to do if I am in your shoes, probably its takes lots of courage to do that. I hope your r/s with your wife is stronger by the days. Knowing that you are there for her through these hard times, she will come to realise there no other better man for her other than u. Merry christmas and Happy new year to you!

Bro wishing u a Merry Christmas and Happy new year to u too. Huat ah!

[zerofighter]

Bro thank you for your words. I really appreciate your kind intention.

Emotions at all stages need to be suppressed with rational thoughts. No way i would allow myself to fall as i am already a father with kids to account to. That is the Primary role as a father and i cannot forgo the role of it.

I have chosen my wife and i am responsible for her happiness. As i have always believed, life is a matter of choices and i need to be responsible for the choices i have made.

As for Yvonne, i am glad that things r working out better for her now and she is happier. ( At least.. we can still maintain this friendship of ours without doing anything which may damage this friendship)

It is not about myself anymore but to look at things at a whole picture. 大局為重.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year ahead.

God bless.

Originally Posted by pasted

Bro zero fighter. I'm same era different area.

First of all, glad to see that you are coming less here to pen your frustrations. Which means you are less emotionally stressed now and as is evident, you are an emotional man who in actual fact cannot control your emotions well. Rather than that, I think it's more apt to say you do not understand yourself well.

What I am about to say may not go down well with you are other bros here. But I do it with sincerity because I hope you change a bit of your thinking, so that you can be happy in your future.

First of all. I must say that even during our era, it's not whether you chup or not, the character of people will always remain diverse. I think no need to say u also know, some is for brother, especially when younger, but many more (in fact majority) is in your face, brother this brother that, when got problem Li you zuay ge ba you.

Good to see you fall into first category. But one thing I notice about the first category of brothers. You tend to fall into a tragic hero persona. Everything just ziap xiu. Just want do good. But inside, emotional turmoil. Yes, your religion teach you to do right thing. But end of the proverbial day, I can quite confidently say, you are doing the right thing, because it's selfish. You do the right thing because you do not want to feel guilty. It's applaudable, it makes you feel noble, especially if it comes as an expense to yourself. Tragic hero.

Next. Yvonne. Emotions are the greatest liars. To put it more specifically. The emotion love is the greatest liar. Did you think of her when you are saying your wedding vows? Or when your wife have birth to your sons? What is love? Thinking of her when you are drinking alone in a pub? Do you think the intensity or even type of feelings for her change? Did you suddenly think of her after your marriage got problem? Why did you not contact her the last 20 years? Only now. Because your emotions are playing tricks on you. Or rather, as your brain process every new bits of information, it subconsciously searches for the best solutions to make you, the owner of the brain, 'feels' better.

And while Yvonne was throwing herself at you, the truth is that at that point in time, it really didn't matter whether it was you or another guy showing her concern. She would have acted the same way. So now you think you have done a good deed. Because by being the saint that was there to prevent another rascal who would take advantage of the situation and maybe the same as your wife, got her pregnant and end their marriage? No. There was problem between them. What authority do you have to decide for her that saving the marriage is the right thing to do for her? I mean right not in the sense of morally right. But rather the best outcome going forward. Do you know for a fact?

I look at your struggles during that period with much interest. The very fact you were tempted or as you put it, emotionally betrayed your wife is telling. The doubt remains now, not for me, but for yourself to find out and realize about yourself. There is no undying faith on your part that the teachings of your faith is absolutely the right thing to do. You had doubts, that much was certain. So the question if where does your doubt stems from? 1. You think that the best solution for everyone involved going forward is that maybe if both of you get out of the hell of a marriage you are in, and be a couple again. That forcing 2 couples that do not love their spouse anymore to stay married is the wrong thing to do despite the teachings of your faith. 2. U were in such emotional and heart wrenching turmoil that you really want to be with her again. And doing so will ease the pain you were suffering. No need to tell anyone the answer, just answer yourself truthfully. 3. Did you again choose the path of the tragic hero again because deep down inside you want to, or because of your faith?

Ask yourself the same sets of question when faced with the dilemma of your wife's unwanted pregnancy. Hope these questions set you thinking and help you understand yourself better and what decisions you should take in the future better.

Just to share. Let's say I found out my wife is having an affair. Upon questioning her why she did what she did. And she gave one of these 2 answers. Which answer do you think is the one I will forgive her for.

1. I was emotionally vulnerable, and he was there for me. I could not control my feeling. I am really sorry I hurt you.
2. The opportunity presents itself and after carefully evaluating the rewards I might get from the affairs vs the probability of you finding out which was pretty low. I decided its worth it to gamble.

I would definitely forgive 2. U?

I want to say again, I bear no hostility in these words I said. Just hope that you can understand yourself better and find peace that you can love with.