Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[bigbirdbird]

Frannie went to the doctor, saying she had a problem with her aviaries.

The doctor said, "Frannie, you're being silly. You mean ovaries.

Aviaries are where you find birds."

Frannie shook her head and said she meant *aviaries*.

Not prepared to argue, the doctor told her to get on the couch for an inspection.

After a quick look, he said, "Well, Frannie, you're right!

There's been a cockatoo in there."

[bigbirdbird]

The fisherman called his guide on his mobile phone to make arrangements for the following day.

"I'm going fishing and I need two punts and a canoe," he said.

When he arrived, there were two tarty looking women waiting for him at the fishing lodge.

"What the bloody hell is this?" he asked his guide.

"Well", replied the guide, "when you phoned, I was in the bar and there was a great deal of noise on the line. I managed to get a coupe of the local ladies, but what in the hell is a panoe?"

[curiousSG]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

this is funny, share more bro.

[GL63]

I can't laugh alone!

A man and his wife were in court to file a Divorce. The problem in the contention was .. who should have the possession of the child?
The man or the woman?

The woman jumped up and said... "My Lord, I am the mother of the child, I brought her into this world, with pain and labour .... alone".
The judge then turned to the man and gave him the chance to defend himself and the man said .. "My lord .. I have a question, .... when you insert your ATM card into the ATM machine and the money comes out does the money belong to you or the machine....? "
😀😳 �🙄 👍🙏😂Court adjourned.

[qingdao]

Originally Posted by GL63

I can't laugh alone!

A man and his wife were in court to file a Divorce. The problem in the contention was .. who should have the possession of the child?
The man or the woman?

The woman jumped up and said... "My Lord, I am the mother of the child, I brought her into this world, with pain and labour .... alone".
The judge then turned to the man and gave him the chance to defend himself and the man said .. "My lord .. I have a question, .... when you insert your ATM card into the ATM machine and the money comes out does the money belong to you or the machine....? "
😀😳 �🙄 👍🙏😂Court adjourned.

Cheers bro, what a good joke.

[ZenithZwiss]

Originally Posted by GL63

I can't laugh alone!

A man and his wife were in court to file a Divorce. The problem in the contention was .. who should have the possession of the child?
The man or the woman?

The woman jumped up and said... "My Lord, I am the mother of the child, I brought her into this world, with pain and labour .... alone".
The judge then turned to the man and gave him the chance to defend himself and the man said .. "My lord .. I have a question, .... when you insert your ATM card into the ATM machine and the money comes out does the money belong to you or the machine....? "
😀😳 �🙄 👍🙏😂Court adjourned.

Thanks bro, very good joke

[biaggi]

Originally Posted by GL63

I can't laugh alone!

A man and his wife were in court to file a Divorce. The problem in the contention was .. who should have the possession of the child?
The man or the woman?

The woman jumped up and said... "My Lord, I am the mother of the child, I brought her into this world, with pain and labour .... alone".
The judge then turned to the man and gave him the chance to defend himself and the man said .. "My lord .. I have a question, .... when you insert your ATM card into the ATM machine and the money comes out does the money belong to you or the machine....? "
😀😳 �🙄 👍🙏😂Court adjourned.

Excellent joke!!. Pls share more.

[krafol]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

The fisherman called his guide on his mobile phone to make arrangements for the following day.

"I'm going fishing and I need two punts and a canoe," he said.

When he arrived, there were two tarty looking women waiting for him at the fishing lodge.

"What the bloody hell is this?" he asked his guide.

"Well", replied the guide, "when you phoned, I was in the bar and there was a great deal of noise on the line. I managed to get a coupe of the local ladies, but what in the hell is a panoe?"

Hahaha ROFL

[madaphur]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Frannie went to the doctor, saying she had a problem with her aviaries.

The doctor said, "Frannie, you're being silly. You mean ovaries.

Aviaries are where you find birds."

Frannie shook her head and said she meant *aviaries*.

Not prepared to argue, the doctor told her to get on the couch for an inspection.

After a quick look, he said, "Well, Frannie, you're right!

There's been a cockatoo in there."

Nice joke bro, thanks!!

[KCSpader]

Very good thread, thanks all contributors!!

[Owndays]

Originally Posted by GL63

I can't laugh alone!

A man and his wife were in court to file a Divorce. The problem in the contention was .. who should have the possession of the child?
The man or the woman?

The woman jumped up and said... "My Lord, I am the mother of the child, I brought her into this world, with pain and labour .... alone".
The judge then turned to the man and gave him the chance to defend himself and the man said .. "My lord .. I have a question, .... when you insert your ATM card into the ATM machine and the money comes out does the money belong to you or the machine....? "
😀😳 �🙄 👍🙏😂Court adjourned.

hahaha the judge also cannot answer

[S.B.Y.1]

Fair Justice
A Man was brought before the Judge and charged with NECROPHILIA (having sex with a dead person).
The Judge told him; "In 20 years on the Bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the jail keys in the toilet?"
The man replied; "I'll give you THREE good reasons:
1. It's none of your damn business;
2. She was my wife; and...
3. I didn't KNOW she was dead, she had ALWAYS acted that way!"
The case was dismissed and the Judge announced the following warnings:
"For the ladies... PLEASE TRY TO MOVE A LITTLE DURING THE ACT.
For the guys:
IF THERE IS NOT MUCH MOVEMENT, STOP IMMEDIATELY AND CHECK IF SHE IS ALIVE....! Case dismissed!

[usamat]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

Fair Justice
A Man was brought before the Judge and charged with NECROPHILIA (having sex with a dead person).
The Judge told him; "In 20 years on the Bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the jail keys in the toilet?"
The man replied; "I'll give you THREE good reasons:
1. It's none of your damn business;
2. She was my wife; and...
3. I didn't KNOW she was dead, she had ALWAYS acted that way!"
The case was dismissed and the Judge announced the following warnings:
"For the ladies... PLEASE TRY TO MOVE A LITTLE DURING THE ACT.
For the guys:
IF THERE IS NOT MUCH MOVEMENT, STOP IMMEDIATELY AND CHECK IF SHE IS ALIVE....! Case dismissed!

Nice joke bro, hehe thanks!!

[chongqing]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

Fair Justice
A Man was brought before the Judge and charged with NECROPHILIA (having sex with a dead person).
The Judge told him; "In 20 years on the Bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the jail keys in the toilet?"
The man replied; "I'll give you THREE good reasons:
1. It's none of your damn business;
2. She was my wife; and...
3. I didn't KNOW she was dead, she had ALWAYS acted that way!"
The case was dismissed and the Judge announced the following warnings:
"For the ladies... PLEASE TRY TO MOVE A LITTLE DURING THE ACT.
For the guys:
IF THERE IS NOT MUCH MOVEMENT, STOP IMMEDIATELY AND CHECK IF SHE IS ALIVE....! Case dismissed!

Very good joke. Thanx for sharing bro.

[KatrinAnn]

Welcome more nice jokes. Thank you for sharing.