Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[bigbirdbird]

The Fifth Parrot

Three girls, Jan, Sue and Mary, haven't seen each other since leaving school. They rediscover each other via Facebook and arrange to meet for lunch in Sydney.

Jan arrives first, wearing a beige Versace dress. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Sue arrives shortly afterward, wearing a grey Chanel number.

After the initial hugs and kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine.

Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. She, too, shares the wine.

Jan explains that after leaving school and attending Oxford University she met and married Roddy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Roddy is a partner in one of Sydney's leading law firms. They live in a 4000 square ft apartment on the North Shore. Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Bali.

Sue relates that she graduated from Monash University, studied to become a doctor and became a surgeon. Her husband, Syd, is a leading financial investment banker in Melbourne. They live in the Toorak area and have a second home in Italy.

Mary explains that after she left school at 17, she ran off with her boyfriend, Bones. They run a tropical bird park on the Sunshine Coast and grow their own vegetables. Bones can stand five parrots, side by side, on his erect penis.

Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Jan blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Target. They live in a small apartment and have a camper trailer parked on the front drive.

Sue, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains that she and Syd are both nursing care assistants in an old people's home. They live in Hoppers Crossing and take camping holidays on the Murray.

Mary admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.

[bigbirdbird]

Three Priests



Three priests were in a railroad station on their way home to Pittsburgh.



Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well-endowed woman wearing a very tight, skimpy sweater. She made the three priests very nervous, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window. "Young lady, I would like three pickets to titsburg." He completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest goes to the window. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." Mortified, he too fled.

"Morons...." the third priest mutters and moves to the window. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And, if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger is going to shake his Peter at you!"

[diputs1269]

Bump for laughter, cheers!

[douc]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Three Priests



Three priests were in a railroad station on their way home to Pittsburgh.



Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well-endowed woman wearing a very tight, skimpy sweater. She made the three priests very nervous, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window. "Young lady, I would like three pickets to titsburg." He completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest goes to the window. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." Mortified, he too fled.

"Morons...." the third priest mutters and moves to the window. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And, if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger is going to shake his Peter at you!"

This is damn funny hehehe, thanks bro!

[Hurricane88]

*Joke of the day*

A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school ...

Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Nadir
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today.
Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Nadir?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny.
Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up.

Next day he was back to school all bruised ...
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?

Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists. 😂😂😂

[Hurricane88]

Picture laughter...

[Hurricane88]

Daughter: " I don't like the boy you found for me... his teeth are not in order and he looks ugly when he smiles."

Mother: "Don't worry about that. He will not be smiling after he marries you.😁😁

[Hurricane88]

Last warning 4 this group.. all of u must read ...

Sanjay Thakrar, CEO at Euro Axim Bank Ltd. got economists thinking when he said :

A cyclist is a disaster for the country's economy

- He does not buy the car & does not take car loan

- Does not buy car insurance

- Does not buy Fuel

- Does not send his car for servicing & repairs

- Does not use paid Parking

- Does not become Obese

- Yes,.....and well, damn it !! Healthy people are not needed for economy. They do not buy drugs. They do not go to Hospitals & Doctors.

They add nothing to country's GDP.

On the contrary, every new McDonald outlet creates at least 30 jobs - 10 Cardiologists, 10 Dentists, 10 weight loss experts apart from people working in McDonald outlet.

*So, Mr. Economist who do you want?*
A Cyclist or a McDonald ?

Worth pondering. 🤔

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[otamay]

Yes bump laughter bumps...

[Arse-nal]

laughter is really the best medicine
no squabbles, no flame ... only civic peaceful bros here
big thankyou to ts and contributors on this thread.

[Warberg]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Hahahahahaa this is super funny
Thanks bro!

[foodyth]

Originally Posted by Arse-nal

laughter is really the best medicine
no squabbles, no flame ... only civic peaceful bros here
big thankyou to ts and contributors on this thread.

Well said bro, support this fantastic thread. Thanks to all bros who shared

[MongkutV]

enjoying every bit of this. PLEASE DONT STOP LOL.

[Hurricane88]

My friend invited me to his church for a thanksgiving service, and he got me to sit at the front row.

When it was time for offering, they passed a basket around. Despite the Pastor's request for good offering, I still hurriedly and secretly pulled out $1 from my pocket and quickly dropped it in the basket. Just then, the person behind me tapped me on the shoulder and handed me 2 $100 notes.

I smiled, and thought he was so generous. Then majestically, I looked around and put the 2 $100 notes in the basket and passed it on. Then I turned and thanked the man seriously for being so generous.

He replied: "Don't mention. Be more careful next time. It fell from your pocket and I was giving it back to you."

Don't laugh alone, make someone laugh away their worries. 😂🤣💦