The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[natsuki]

The person u married may not be the one u love the most, but if he/she willing to go thru thin and thick with u, he/she is definately the person u can turn to whenever u r down.

Anyway, hard chances of marrying the one u loved the most.... so please... 珍惜眼前人... Life is too short for regretting past deeds.

[-itr-]

Originally Posted by sagiboar

itr,

Seems like the only joy you get from your past love is about the past. What about now? What about the future?

I don't know the relationship you have with your wife, but it can be spiced up, made better, more loving. Lots of books, courses, seminars, workshops, out there to help.

I left my wife for another. While I don't regret being with my current gf, I do regret screwing up my marriage and my son's life. My ex-wife is a really nice person but I was blind then. As one bro said earlier... learn to love most the woman you married.

bro,

saw ur pm . really appreciate ur kind intention.
i will give it a try .. but not @ the moment coz my marriage hasn't come
the extreme rock.
and the ultimate problem lies with me.
i'm just tryin to get back my marriage life in line.
so for the moment , i'm just kinda of upset life is getting routine and boring,
which is the happiness that we are having it now.
and the problem lies with human, they always take things for granted.

[jaclyn]

well the one i married isn't the one i love most too... we married bcos i dun wanna kill a life (my bb lar)... now i regret... everytime see ppl my age (mid 20s) going out kai kai, cheonging or even go overseas with frenz, i really envy them lor...

i'm stuck... not only stuck in married life... but oso with a irresponsible husband... for his own pleasure, he bought his fav car... without thinking if he can afford it... so now i'm the one suffering... have to pay all his debts for him... haiz... y must life play a trick on us... i use to have afew ex-bfs who are very gd to me... but i chose to dump them... and fell madly in love with my current husband... and did so many silly things which end up to this ending... but now i regret & it's too late liao...

whenever we quarrel he'll say that he regret marrying me... but aft that he'll juz say that it's all words of anger (maybe he say this cos he scare i leave him & no one pay for his debts liao)... but think he meant his words lor... think i'm oso not the person he love most...

recently i suspect that my husband is having an affair... funny wor... it do hurts me... is it that i get use to be with him liao... or bcos i really love him... or bcos of all the things that i've done for him make me feel this way...

[shrek]

Originally Posted by jaclyn

well the one i married isn't the one i love most too... we married bcos i dun wanna kill a life (my bb lar)... now i regret... everytime see ppl my age (mid 20s) going out kai kai, cheonging or even go overseas with frenz, i really envy them lor...

i'm stuck... not only stuck in married life... but oso with a irresponsible husband... for his own pleasure, he bought his fav car... without thinking if he can afford it... so now i'm the one suffering... have to pay all his debts for him... haiz... y must life play a trick on us... i use to have afew ex-bfs who are very gd to me... but i chose to dump them... and fell madly in love with my current husband... and did so many silly things which end up to this ending... but now i regret & it's too late liao...

whenever we quarrel he'll say that he regret marrying me... but aft that he'll juz say that it's all words of anger (maybe he say this cos he scare i leave him & no one pay for his debts liao)... but think he meant his words lor... think i'm oso not the person he love most...

recently i suspect that my husband is having an affair... funny wor... it do hurts me... is it that i get use to be with him liao... or bcos i really love him... or bcos of all the things that i've done for him make me feel this way...

well, sister i believe u still have feelings for your current husband.. it's only when u felt nth, that meants u has lost feelings for him and bless him..

[Thai Rak Thai]

Originally Posted by sagiboar

I left my wife for another. While I don't regret being with my current gf, I do regret screwing up my marriage and my son's life. My ex-wife is a really nice person but I was blind then.

Your son may not understand now...but he will later, whether or not he accepts it, is 2 different issues...my papa forsake my mother and me for another women while i was still in her womb...do i hate him? No...do i want to acknowledge him...no too, but i sincerely wish the best for him, without me in his life.

[Five Stone]

Originally Posted by jaclyn

recently i suspect that my husband is having an affair... funny wor... it do hurts me... is it that i get use to be with him liao... or bcos i really love him... or bcos of all the things that i've done for him make me feel this way...

Many a times love and responsibilities are blended and twisted together, unknowingly when you think that you had love but it is responsibility that binds two together or perhaps just another case of guilt ridden love. Nowadays love are always supersede with the reality of life. Being together is one thing, living together is another.

[john99]

Once you made that fateful decision and signed on the dotted line, you are 'supposed' to commit a lifetime to yr partner forsaking all others.

Instead you find that some men forsake their wives in favour of other women. When they divorce their wives , they felt guilty about the baggage they left behind (children, hurt, etc..)

If you want to be a player, remain a player, don't get married and create problems for yr ex-wives and being an absentee father at best to children from this marriage.

Marriage is not a pre-requisite to a happy and fulfilling life, you can remain single and find deeper meaning running orphanage in Nepal or Laos. I have got friends who have done these and are trully happy as their 'adopted children' reciprocate in kind as well. Not the type of spoit brats you get from top elitist schools in Singapore....

[5ag1_Boar]

Originally Posted by -itr-

bro,

saw ur pm . really appreciate ur kind intention.
i will give it a try .. but not @ the moment coz my marriage hasn't come
the extreme rock.
and the ultimate problem lies with me.
i'm just tryin to get back my marriage life in line.
so for the moment , i'm just kinda of upset life is getting routine and boring,
which is the happiness that we are having it now.
and the problem lies with human, they always take things for granted.

-itr-, Marriage Encounter is not for marriages that has hit rock bottom. It is for Marriages that has gotten boring, and slipping slowly downwards. It is for exactly your situation where you are feeling that your marriage has become routine and boring, yet STILL somewhere in your heart you appreciate your wife enough to want to do something to make it better. To go for this program is one of the steps to help yourself NOW.

[5ag1_Boar]

I decided to post what I PM to -itr- because I think it will help a lot of marriages here.

Hi bro,

If you really want to make your marriage better, you can go for Marriage Encounter. It's meant for stable/stale marriages that want to make it better. It's also good for marriages that is slightly difficult.

It's a program run by a group under the Catholic Church, but there they take all religions. No attempt will be made to convert anyone.

Registration is only $50 per couple. Further donation is purely voluntary and anonymous.

Time investment is one complete weekend from Friday evening til Sunday evening, stay in. Do this before you have children, so you don't need arrange for babysitters.

After the course there are some weekly (for 12 weeks if I'm not wrong) followups (optional but strongly recommended) and they usually form support groups with the course batch which usually meet up monthly (also optional to participate).

The weekend itself will already teach you a lot. Most of it is guidance and learning new skills to affirm love in a marriage. After that it's up to you to continue using the new skills you learnt.

I truly believe that this program can help marriages, provided both parties are willing to work at it. What it gives you is tools and skills to work effectively on the marriage and get results, rather then blindly working on it and tikam tikam. Personally, it you are going to work on the marriage, do it right.

Hope you can succeed where I failed.

The link: http://web.singnet.com.sg/~mespore/

There is another program by an affiliated group called Retrouvaille for marriages on the verge of divorce. Similar structure.

One good thing is that both programmes are run by REAL couples who have real life experience and literally practice what they preach. Not some professionals who went thru the training, got the certificate, degree, etc but never really experience marriage boredom or failure.

Retrouvaille Singapore does not have it's own website, but you can get hold of them thru the international website: http://www.retrouvaille.org/ Local contacts can be found at: http://www.retrouvaille.org/weekends...chedule_1.html

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by sagiboar

I decided to post what I PM to -itr- because I think it will help a lot of marriages here.

There is another program by an affiliated group called Retrouvaille for marriages on the verge of divorce.

There's also Engage Encounter and it's good for people who have not lived together or have not spent enough time together before marriage. However, if you have cohabited for a while like me, it is almost useless. I went for that and am planning for either Marriage Encounter or Retrouvaille now... the difficult part is getting the wife to go. She insists that there is nothing wrong.

[5ag1_Boar]

Originally Posted by surfer888

There's also Engage Encounter and it's good for people who have not lived together or have not spent enough time together before marriage. However, if you have cohabited for a while like me, it is almost useless. I went for that and am planning for either Marriage Encounter or Retrouvaille now... the difficult part is getting the wife to go. She insists that there is nothing wrong.

For ME (not me, but Marriage Encounter), tell her it's not for fixing the marriage, but for enhancing the marriage. Ask her questions like, "Dear, do you want our marriage to be better then it is now?"

marry a ger tat loves you more than u love her. to be loved is always better...

[The-One]

Originally Posted by natsuki

The person u married may not be the one u love the most, but if he/she willing to go thru thin and thick with u, he/she is definately the person u can turn to whenever u r down.

Anyway, hard chances of marrying the one u loved the most.... so please... 珍惜眼前人... Life is too short for regretting past deeds.

After reading your 15 steamy FRs, I have a question for you. Will you ever walk down the aisle and take the oath? Which guy will walk through the thick with you after reading those FRs?

[primalhunter]

The thing is this.... can we ever quantify love? dun think so. so, if fate has brought 2 person together ie; relationship, marriage... do your utmost to be true to yourself and your partner. Love wholeheartedly. what was before, is no longer important. move on. if you heat a sticky patch, which i believe is the whole reason this thread started, the threadstarter having second thoughts or misgivings on how he ended up HERE? no point doing that. there must be a very good reason why you are with who you are now. what is that redeeming factor? if you really can't find it, maybe time to move on but always be true to yourself because lying to yourself won't bring you anywhere. JUST MY TWO CENTS WORTH......

[dirtymonk82]

man would often yield for things in which they cant get and often neglect what they already have. this is human nature, often greedy is the cause of many broken marriage

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