Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[prabowo]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. "HA," he snorted. "The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!"

On that, she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrust her pubic area forward. "There! I have hair on my chest, now buy me a fur coat."

"That's not your chest!" he roars back.

"Damn right it's my chest." she argued. "Before we got married, this was your hope chest. On our honeymoon, it was your treasure chest. Afterwards, it became our family chest. AND IF YOU DON'T BUY ME A FUR COAT IT WILL SOON BECOME THE COMMUNITY CHEST!"

Thanks bro bigbigbird for nice joke.
Hope to read more.

[titleistball]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Picture laughter...

Nice joke and thanks.

[mazdarx3]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Q: What's the difference between a boxer and a woman?

A: A boxer stands up to get knocked down and a woman lies down to get knocked up.

*********

Top 10 signs your mate is getting cyber sex

10) He is getting amazingly fast at typing with 1 hand!
9) After signing off she always has a cigarette!
8) After she gets off, the screen's all fogged up!
7) During sex he screams, "a: \ enter insert!"
6) After he uses the computer, the seat is all sticky!
5) Your fax is filled with some guy's ass!
4) The INSERT key on your keyboard is all worn out!
3) The only 3 keys that aren't stiff are: S, E, X!
2) The keyboard is moist!
1) She comes home with a rubber+- inflatable disk drive!

HAHAHA and very nice joke.
Thanks bro.

[comehere6c]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Overheard at the STD Clinic

"

Thanks bro for sharing good joke. Hoping for more.

[amberwater]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

The Arab in a Shipwreck


An Arab was washed up on the shore of a desert island after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.

Looking around, he realized they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle -- a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Arab.

Soon he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the Arab man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Arab man had ever seen without Burkha.

She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening -- red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze. Perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the Arab started to get 'those feelings', and thanked Allah for bestowing the moment to satisfy his carnal desire.

He cuddled up close to the young woman and whispered in her ear, ' Would you mind taking the dog for a walk? '

Very good joke, thanks.

[SanMikal]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A Condom for Her Cigarette

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and smoke, when it starts to rain.

Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: "What in the hell is that?"

Jane: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

Arlene: "Where did you get it?"

Jane: "You can get them at any pharmacy."

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter, Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

Hehe nice joke bro!

[JillCrusoe]

Originally Posted by water_boi

was having a conversation with my friend at the coffee shop.....

me: damn CB, the other day i went for a check up and guess what the doc told me?

Friend: simi lanjiao???

me: he told me to cut back on my drinks.....

Friend: wtf sia.. then have you?

me: no la.. nowadays, i just don't drink in front of the mirror, can liao..

Friend: ...........................................

Very funny HEHEHEHEHE

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[Hurricane88]

Laughter picture...

[otamay]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Laughter picture...

Haha this is good.
At time I will try to hold my arrogance.

[StrongBrew]

A guy says to his best friend "Oh man, I'm so screwed!"
His best friend asks him "Why are you screwed?"
The guy responds "Well my girlfriend took me out to dinner with her parents, and gave me a handjob under the table..."
His friend says "DUDE Thats awesome! Why are you screwed though?"
The guy says "It was a glass table."

[StrongBrew]

A shepherd goes to a television programme.
A man of the viewers stand up and asks him, "What was the best day of your life?"
The shepherd answers, "Well...the best day of my life was when I lost my donkey in the mountain, when I found it, i took it to the village's square and everyone fucked it."
A second man of the viewers asks him, "And the second best day of your life?"
And the shepherd, "Well...the second one was when in lost a sheep in the mountain, when I found it, I took it to the village's square and everyone fucked it."
So, after that, a third man of the viewers stand up and asks, "And the worse day of your life?."
"The worse day of my life was when I got lost in the mountain..."

[StrongBrew]

A professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest.
Somehow the professor heard about the plan.
In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a pr*stitute makes $2000 per night."
All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."

[StrongBrew]

Two gays Rupert and Cecil are lying in bed together Rupert starts rubbing vaseline on his chest.
Cecil ask, "What you doing?""
Rupert said, "I read that vaseline stimulates hair growth and I want a hairy chest.
Cecil said, "Don't be fucking stupid, if that was true I would have a ponytail sticking out of my arse..."

[StrongBrew]

There was once a lady making a stew for dinner when she found she had no onions,so with no time to waste she raced to the shops, burst in saying could i have some onions please.The shopkeeper replied sorry lady we are fresh out of onions.The lady said but i really need onions and gave all the reasons why in one big sentence.The shopkeeper said look lady,I`ll put it to you another way and continued to ask her- if you take the o from tomato what do you have? The lady said tomat,Yes said the man and if you take the o from potato what do you have? The lady said potat.Yes said the man behind the counter,now if you take the fuck out of onions what do you have?"But there's no fuck in onions",said the lady,Yes said the man, That's what I have been trying to tell you.!!