Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Ronn69]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Engineers only stand beside engines, cannot build roads

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[ferr4ri]

A woman says to her lawyer, "I want to divorce my husband."

‟On what grounds?” asks the lawyer.

‟Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some peach trees.”

The lawyers answers, ‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?”

‟Yes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.” she says.

The lawyer is getting frustrated and asks, ‟Does he beat you up?”

‟No, I'm up by 6:30 am and sometimes he does not get up until after I've left for work.”

Exasperated, the lawyer says, "Just tell me why you want a divorce."

She says, ‟We just can't seem to communicate.”

[ferr4ri]

Anna complained to her friend Julia how she sometimes found it difficult to initiate sex with her husband.
"I know a simple trick,” Julia said.
“Whenever I want to have sex with Peter, I gently put my hand on his dick and say:
Your dick is very cold, do you want me to warm it up for you?
And that's it! Works every time!”

Anna was impressed, and said she would try it when her husband got home that night.

When they met the next day, Julia asked how it went. Anna immediately started crying.
“We’re getting a divorce!” she sobbed.
“What? What happened?” Julia asked concerned.
“I tried to do your trick, but as I laid my hand on his dick, it was actually quite warm. I didn’t know what to say, so I asked him:
Why isn't your dick cold, like Peter’s?”
And he said, 'Why isn't your grip tighter, like Julia's?"

[SBMEDSUP]

Thanks for sharing nice jokes.

[bat365]

Originally Posted by ferr4ri

Anna complained to her friend Julia how she sometimes found it difficult to initiate sex with her husband.
"I know a simple trick,” Julia said.
“Whenever I want to have sex with Peter, I gently put my hand on his dick and say:
Your dick is very cold, do you want me to warm it up for you?
And that's it! Works every time!”

Anna was impressed, and said she would try it when her husband got home that night.

When they met the next day, Julia asked how it went. Anna immediately started crying.
“We’re getting a divorce!” she sobbed.
“What? What happened?” Julia asked concerned.
“I tried to do your trick, but as I laid my hand on his dick, it was actually quite warm. I didn’t know what to say, so I asked him:
Why isn't your dick cold, like Peter’s?”
And he said, 'Why isn't your grip tighter, like Julia's?"

Nice one bro, thanks!

[ferr4ri]

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you," she replied.
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

Father replied, "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next please!"

[suver]

Originally Posted by ferr4ri

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you," she replied.
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

Father replied, "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next please!"

Very smart priest lol

[Hurricane88]

[SBMEDSUP]

Thanks for nice jokes or spotlight.

[cupid xpress]

Originally Posted by ferr4ri

Why isn't your dick cold, like Peter’s?”
And he said, 'Why isn't your grip tighter, like Julia's?"

Nice joke bro... 👍

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[GunningForSex]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

This is so true.

[malaysiapig]

Originally Posted by honeymustard85

One day the emperor decided to tour the FuJian province of Southern China. While in the famous local restaurant, a waiter was suddenly put to death by the emperor for no apparent reason. Appalled by the unclear decision to execute him, the chef of the restaurant launched an investigation into the matter and found that there was nothing wrong with the food that was served nor was the waiter rude or disrespectful to the emperor. In fact, the spread was commendable and the quality was well-liked by officials who ate them. After a week-long investigation without fruitful findings, the chef decided to speak directly to the waiter in the prison cell.

"What did you do to land yourself in such ordeal?"... to which the waiter replied: "I did not do anything wrong! When all dishes were served, I simply shouted in my hokkien dialect - Huang Shang Jiak Bng!"

The waiter was beheaded the next morning.

皇上驾崩，哈哈！

[SBMEDSUP]

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