Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[ajlover]

Originally Posted by malaysiapig

Jialat I took 30 mins to found the dog

I am still looking for the 🐕..

[SBMEDSUP]

Pls share more jokes.

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

Wife and husband were sitting in a restaurant.

A young, attractive waitress gets flirty with the husband. He looks boastfully at his wife.

She smirks and says, “Don’t get carried away. She is down with Covid.”

Husband is taken aback and said, “How do you know?”

Wife said,”She has no taste!”

[Hurricane88]

*Joke of the Day*

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my neck."

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.🤷‍♂️

"*To get my teeth*!" he replied.🤣🤣🤣

Start the the day with a smile 😃😁😁

[SBMEDSUP]

Thanks for nice jokes.

[GreenRingo]

Thanks for the great jokes haha!

[GreenRingo]

Sorry for the triple post.

[GreenRingo]

Sorry for the triple post.

[ferr4ri]

"An elderly man was sitting alone on a dark path, right? He wasn't certain of which direction to go, and he'd forgotten both where he was traveling to and who he was. He'd sat down for a moment to rest his weary legs, and suddenly looked up to see an elderly woman before him. She grinned toothlessly and with a cackle, spoke: 'Now your third wish. What will it be?'

'Third wish?' The man was baffled. 'How can it be a third wish if I haven't had a first and second wish?'

'You've had two wishes already,' the hag said, 'but your second wish was for me to return everything to the way it was before you had made your first wish. That's why you remember nothing; because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes.' She cackled at the poor berk. 'So it is that you have one wish left.'

'All right,' said the man, 'I don't believe this, but there's no harm in wishing. I wish to know who I am.'

'Funny,' said the old woman as she granted his wish and disappeared forever. 'That was your first wish.'"

[ferr4ri]

A man is on a plane over the Amazon, when it suddenly malfunctions. The guy freaks out yelling, "We're gonna crash, I'm fucked, I'm fucked."

A Voice comes from above and says, "No, no, You are not fucked. The plane is gonna crash but You'll survive." The plane crashes and he survives. Looking around he realizes he is in the middle of the jungle, and yells "Im fucked, Im in the middle of the jungle and there is nothing around, Im gonna starve."

The Voice comes back, "No, no, you're not fucked. Go west, and you will find a village."

He goes west and finds the village, but it is populated by bloodthirsty cannibals, and yells out ‟I'm fucked, I'm fucked. They are gonna eat me alive”

‟No, NO”, the Voice booms out, ‟You’re not fucked. Go up to the chief and slap him across the face as hard as you can.”

So the man, with, trusting the Voice, runs up to the chief and slaps him with all his force.

‟NOW You are Fucked!” booms the Voice.

[ferr4ri]

Rob pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and said that if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Rob said "today is my birthday, i'm feeling LUCKY and I guess 8".

The owner said, “You were very close, the lucky number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time.”

A week later, Rob, with his friend Marvin, pulled in for another fill-up. Again Rob asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Rob guessed 2. The proprietor said, “Sorry, it was 3, you were very close, but no free sex this time.”

As they were driving away, Marvin said to Rob, “I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t really give away free sex at all.”

Rob replied, “No it’s genuine enough Marvin. My wife won twice last week.”

[PokerDeBest]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

*Joke of the Day*

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my neck."

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.🤷‍♂️

"*To get my teeth*!" he replied.🤣🤣🤣

Start the the day with a smile 😃😁😁

Nice share bro, thanks!

[newyorker88]

Denis Rodman is a basketball star, famous for his tattoos all over his body.

One day he had a new girlfriend. He took off his shirt n his body has NIKE written on his chest. He then took off his pants. On both left legs written PUMA, n UMBRO. Then he took off his underwear, the gal screams

She says “ you have AIDS”!

Rodman says “when it gets big, it will spell AIDIDAS”

[MPLover]

Originally Posted by newyorker88

Denis Rodman is a basketball star, famous for his tattoos all over his body.

One day he had a new girlfriend. He took off his shirt n his body has NIKE written on his chest. He then took off his pants. On both left legs written PUMA, n UMBRO. Then he took off his underwear, the gal screams

She says “ you have AIDS”!

Rodman says “when it gets big, it will spell AIDIDAS”

LOL, this is funny.