Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

[SBMEDSUP]

Toilet paper jokes best.

[BJstreet]

Hi good morning. Nice jokes

[Hurricane88]

ADULT JOKES - to brighten your weekend

🔴A judge asked a woman why she wanted a divorce.
She answered, "Your Honor, he knew I'm a vegetarian and yet he still insists on putting his meat in my mouth."


🔴Woman: " Doc, an ant entered my vagina, can you please take it out ?".
Doctor removes her panties and starts making love.
Woman: " What are you doing? "

Doctor: "This is the only way to drown the bastard!"


🔴Q : What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

Answer: Your SALARY.
It comes once a month, lasts 3 - 4 days & if it doesn't come you are in deep trouble!


🔴 A lady visited her doctor again.

The Dr. said : You look more sick & exhausted than before. Are you having 3 meals a day as I advised?

Lady : WHAT? I thought you said 3 MALES a day !!!!


🔴 Women asked God to make The Penis Pretty.
GOD Said

" No way ; Now As It Is, The Penis is so ugly & U still Suck It.

If I make it Pretty You'll Eat It up !!


🔴A nun went for a urine test. The sample got mixed up. When the doctor told her she was pregnant, she cried and said,

" Shit, we can't even trust cucumber anymore! "


🔴A boy pulled down his pants in front of a girl & asked, " Do yo have this? "

The girl lifted up her skirt & said, " My mom said with this I can have a lot of THAT! "


🔴Schoolgirl : " I do not want to take SEX EDUCATION."

Class Teacher: " Why not?"
Schoolgirl :

" Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be ORAL!. "


🔴Mother asks daughter how married life.
Daughter shyly says it is like BRITISH AIRWAYS.
Mother reads the advertisement & is shocked.
It says

" 7 DAYS A WEEK, TWICE A DAY, BOTH WAYS! "


🔴What is the STRONGEST muscle?

TONGUE - It can raise a woman's hip with
just one lick!.

The lightest muscle ?
PENIS ! It can be raised
by a woman's tongue !


🔴Lady Immigration officer asked a Korean tourist,

" Name? "

" Park Yu. "

0fficer become angry & shouted back,

" FUCK YOU! Now what's your full name? "

Korean replied,
" PARK YU TOO !! "

🔴Man to wife : Business is bad. If you learn how to cook, we can remove our servant.

Wife : ASSHOLE! If you learn how to fuck,
we can remove our driver, gardener & watchman..


🔴COCK says to his two Balls : I am going to take you with me to a party.

BALLS said : You big fucking liar. You always get INSIDE and leave us hanging Outside !

🔴A baby dog asked mama dog how papa looks like .
Mama dog replies,

" How do I know? Your papa came from behind
& I didn't even have a chance to see his face! "

[PeiWah]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

🔴COCK says to his two Balls : I am going to take you with me to a party.

BALLS said : You big fucking liar. You always get INSIDE and leave us hanging Outside !

Nice share bro, this is damn funny!!!

[Hurricane88]

Bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, “Which book has helped you most in your life?”

The woman replied, “My husband’s cheque book!!!”

******

Pharmacist to customer:
“Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription... Simply showing marriage certificate and wife’s picture is not enough!"

******

For MEN... and WOMEN with a bit of humour??

A man was granted two wishes by God. He asked for the best drink & the best woman ever.

Next moment, he got mineral water & Mother Theresa.

******

Wives are magicians. They can change anything into an argument.

******

Why do women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, compared to men?

A very INTELLIGENT student replied: "Because Women don't have a wife!"

******

COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE:
Dear mother-in-law, don't teach me how to handle my children. I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!

******

When a married man says, "I WILL THINK ABOUT IT" - what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.

******

A lady says to her doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?"

The doctor replies: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he's awake!"

[etsys]

Some hahaha

[trigenarian]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Why do women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, compared to men?

A very INTELLIGENT student replied: "Because Women don't have a wife!"

Wonderful reply ROFL

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

*Classic example of honest politician..**
😎😎

A Businessman went to see a politician to get his work approval done quickly.
He said "Sir, we want to present you a *Brand new car* in lieu of the approval for our work"...

Minister: No. No. No.... I don't want to get it free. I want to give some money for this car.....

Businessman after high persuasion agreed and said "okay, sir! Please give RM5" .

The minister did not have change and gave a RM10 note.

Businessman jokingly said: Sorry sir. I have no change of RM5 to return ...

Minister: No problem.
You give me another car for *my wife*....🤭🤣

[Hurricane88]

A boy, his father and his mother are having dinner. But the boy doesn’t want to eat his broccoli.

Eat your broccoli! – says the mother.

No! – exclaims the boy.

The father then leans toward the boy and whispers something in his ear. The boy quickly eats his broccoli and goes into his room.

What did you tell him?

I told him that if he didn’t eat his broccoli, his mickey wouldn’t grow.

The woman then stands up and slaps the man as hard as she can.

What was that for? – he asks, confused.

FOR NOT EATING YOUR BROCCOLI WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD! 😢😢👻😂

[Hurricane88]

👍👏👏
A *handsome Chinaman* was
sitting in a London restaurant at
the corner.

He asked a waiter to take the most expensive bottle of Wine to a very attractive woman sitting alone at a table in the other corner.

Waiter brought in the *elitist wine* bottle & took the bottle to the woman and said,
_"Excuse me mam, this precious bottle is from that gentleman who is seated over there."_
and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the bottle coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by note.
The waiter, who was staying nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read :
_"For me to accept this bottle,_
_you need to have a BMW in your garage,_
_a house in Spain,_
_a million dollars in the bank_
_and 7 inches in your pants."_

After reading the note,
the Chinaman decided to compose one of his own in return.

He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read :
*"Just to let you know, things aren't always what they appear or rather what you want them to be.*

_I have a Ferrari Enzo, a Range Rover, a Mercedes SLS and a Porsche Panamera in my several garages,_

_I have beautiful houses in Beijing, Hawaii, California, and Sydney and a 10,000 acre estate in England._

_There is over 30 million dollars my bank accounts and portfolio._

_But..._
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
_even for a woman as beautiful as you are,_ *I am not going to cut off two inches.*
_Just send the bottle back please."_
😅🤣😃😜

[SBMEDSUP]

Nice jokes and request for more pls.

[Masterl23]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Thanks bro for sharing.