Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread] - Page 871

Hurricane88 · #**13051** 06-07-2021, 11:20 AM

Friday night, Mick went to his friend Paddy and said, "Paddy, I need a favour - I'm sleeping with the bartender's wife. Can you hold him in the pub for an hour after he closes up?"

Paddy was not very fond of the idea, but being Mick's lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed.

After the pub closed, Paddy struck up a conversation with the bartender asking him all sorts of stupid questions in an effort to keep him occupied. After some time, the bartender became suspicious and asked, "Paddy what are you really up to with all this?"

Paddy, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse, confessed to the bartender and said, "I'm sorry Seamus, my friend Mick is sleeping with your wife right now and asked me to keep you occupied."

The bartender smiled and putting a brotherly hand on Paddy's shoulder, said *"Paddy I think you'd better hurry home, my wife died two years ago."*

Hurricane88 · #**13052** 06-07-2021, 11:20 AM

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died ?
His obituary in English....
👇👇🤔😱😂😂🍗🥃🍻🍻

He pasta way.
We cannoli do so much.
His legacy will become a pizza history.
Here today, gone tomato.
I can only espress-so much grief, but i must romaine calm.
How sad that he ran out of thyme.
Ashes to ashes, crust to crust.
There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world.
Sending olive my prayers to his family.
His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it.
You never sausage a tragic thing.
Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons.
It was a farfalle from grace.
My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto.

✝️ May he Rest in Yeast.... ✝️

dyelook · #**13053** 06-07-2021, 01:25 PM

laughter bumps...

SBMEDSUP · #**13054** 07-07-2021, 11:32 AM

More jokes pls

Hurricane88 · #**13055** 08-07-2021, 01:51 PM

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.

I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'...!

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar ...

'HE LIVES IN A HOME, WITH MY NON-STOP CHATTING AND NAGGING WIFE, HE'S TRYING TO CATCH UP ON HIS SLEEP .. CAN I COME WITH HIM TOMORROW ....???'

Hurricane88 · #**13056** 08-07-2021, 01:56 PM

faithfooly · #**13057** 09-07-2021, 02:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

We have one in sbf

Hurricane88 · #**13058** 09-07-2021, 10:56 AM

This Law firms' (LEE & LEE Associates) owner is a very religious man. His fengshui sifu told him that he can only hire lawyers with surname "LEE" to work under him, and strangely he managed to get all the LEE lawyers to work for him!

One day my friend Gonna Singh who just graduated with flying colours from a top law school asked for an interview in LEE's Law firm. Strangely Mr. LEE asked him to come for the interview

During the interview everything went smoothly till the end when LEE told Gonna Singh :

LEE : I'm actually very implessed with your resume, but there is one problem.

Gonna : What is the problem sir?

LEE : Well you see . . . I only hire lawyers whose names are closely related to "LEE" and your name is Gonna Singh. I dont see it has any relation to "LEE" so . . .

Gonna : Are you a racist?
LEE : Sorry, but this is what my fengshui sifu told me . . . I dare not defy him..!

Gonna : Ok, I understand . .

LEE : Thank you for your time and effort.

That night Gonna Singh came to tell us his problem and asked us if we could help him to come up with a name that is closely related to "LEE" After hours of yum sengs we finally found a name that is 100% suitable to him!

Next day Gonna Singh went back to find LEE . . .

LEE : Eh . . . Gonna, I thought I told you we only hire lawyers with name closely related to "LEE."

Gonna : Yes ! That's why I am back here for my job..!

LEE : But your name does not have any relation with "LEE..!"

Gonna : Oh . . . I consulted my Chinese friends .. they confirmed I AM a Lee

LEE : What Lee

Gonna : "Bangga-LEE"

👳🏻‍♂️👳🏻‍♂️👳🏻‍♂️😅😂🤣🤭🤭

Hurricane88 · #**13059** 09-07-2021, 10:57 AM

Fun times 😂😂
***************
A lady manager of a big reputed office asked a newly recruited man to come into her office.

“What is your name?” was the first thing she asked the new guy.

“John,” he replied.

She scowled, “Look… I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.I refer to my employees by their last name only … Smith, Jones, Baker …that’s all.
I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”

The new guy sighed, “Darling………… My name is John Darling.”

“Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is ….. 'Not ALL rules need be followed.' "😐 😂😂
(Kdpd )