Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[SkyIsMighty]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

400 passengers and only 200 meals were loaded on a Amritsar to Toronto flight.
The airline had bungled, and the crew was in a fix! However, one smart flight attendant had an idea!
About 30 minutes into the flight she nervously announced : "Ladies and Gentlemen, I don't know how this happened but we have 400 passengers on board & only 200 dinners! Anyone who is kind enough to give up his / her meal for someone else, will receive free unlimited liquor during the entire duration of the flight!"
Her next announcement came 6 hours later : "Ladies and Gentlemen, if anyone wants to change their minds, we still have 200 meals available!"
Moral of the Story : People who drink have very kind hearts.
Please Respect them... 😂🍻😂

Fully agreed. Thanks for airlines jokes.

[pinkwolf]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

400 passengers and only 200 meals were loaded on a Amritsar to Toronto flight.
The airline had bungled, and the crew was in a fix! However, one smart flight attendant had an idea!
About 30 minutes into the flight she nervously announced : "Ladies and Gentlemen, I don't know how this happened but we have 400 passengers on board & only 200 dinners! Anyone who is kind enough to give up his / her meal for someone else, will receive free unlimited liquor during the entire duration of the flight!"
Her next announcement came 6 hours later : "Ladies and Gentlemen, if anyone wants to change their minds, we still have 200 meals available!"
Moral of the Story : People who drink have very kind hearts.
Please Respect them... 😂🍻😂

Nice share bro

[lazyguy]

Originally Posted by SkyIsMighty

Fully agreed. Thanks for airlines jokes.

Bro return ur favour +19 thank

[etsys]

Originally Posted by lazyguy

Bro return ur favour +19 thank

And I add 20 to you

[Hurricane88]

Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?

Me: That’s when I went to Yale.

Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.

Me: Thanks. I really need this Yob.

[Hurricane88]

A married couple was in Midvalley Shopping Mall, doing their own shopping & agreed to meet up for lunch after shopping. When approaching lunch hour the wife called up her husband: “Where are you now?”. The husband replied: “Don’t Yell At Me!”. The wife quickly changed a softer tone:”Shall we meet up for lunch darling, where are you now?”. Again the husband replied:”Didn’t I say don’t yell at me?”. The wife was so mad she just hung up her phone 😡

[Hurricane88]

An elderly man was having a calm walk when he passed a brothel.

One of the prostitutes calls out: "Hey Grandpa! Why don't you try ?

The old man replies: "No, my child, I cannot!"

The prostitute: "Cheer up!!! Let us try!!!"

The elderly man enters and performs like a 25 year old.

The prostitute says: "Oh Gosh! And you still say you cannot."

The old man replied: "Aaah, sex I can, what I cannot is.......pay!"

Don't mess around with old men!

😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🙃🙃🙃

[Hurricane88]

*How do you know*
*you are rich?*

*Amazing answer*
*by an IIT student.*

*When I was doing my B Tech, there was a Professor who used to teach us ‘Mechanics’.*

*His lectures used to be very interesting since he had an* *interesting way to* *teach and explain*
*the concepts.*

*One day, in the class, he asked the following questions:*

*1. What is ZERO?*
*2. What is INFINITY?*
*3. Can ZERO and INFINITY be same?*

*We all thought that we knew the answers and we replied as following:*

*ZERO means nothing.*
*INFINITY means*
*a number greater than any countable number.*

*ZERO and INFINITY are opposite and they can never be same.*

*He countered us by first talking about infinity and asked, How can there be any number which is greater than any countable number?*

*We had no answers.*

*He then explained the concept of infinity in a very interesting way, which I remember even after more than 35 years.*

*He said that imagine that there is an illiterate shepherd who can count only*
*up to 20.*

*Now, if the number of sheep he has less than 20 and you ask him how many sheep he has, he can tell you the precise number (like 3, 5 14 etc.).*

*However, if the number is more than 20, he is likely to say “TOO MANY”*.

*He then explained that in science infinity means ‘too many’ (and not uncountable) and in the same way zero means ‘too few’ (and not nothing).*

*As an example, he said that if we take the diameter of the Earth as compared to distance between Earth and Sun, the diameter of earth can be said to be zero since it is too small.*

*However, when we compare the same diameter of earth with the size of a grain, diameter of earth can be said to be infinite*.

*Hence, he concluded that the same thing can be ZERO and INFINITE at the same time, depending on the context, or your matrix of comparison*.

*The relationship between richness and poverty is similar to the relationship between infinity*
*and zero*.

*It all depends on the scale of comparison with your wants*.

*If your income is more than your wants,*
*you are rich*.
*If your wants are more than your income,*
*you are poor.*

*I consider myself rich because my wants are far less than my income.*

*I have become rich not so much by acquiring lots of money, but by progressively reducing my wants.*

*If you can reduce your wants, you too can become rich at this very moment.*

May your lives get rich by good thoughts, good deeds, good people around you always.🙂🙂

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.

Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss.

Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.

“No way,” the blonde exclaimed. “I almost got caught yesterday.”.

[SBMEDSUP]

Thanks for nice jokes.

[ah rat]

_______________

[Masterl23]

Originally Posted by ah rat

_______________

Hahahaha, this is funny.

[ah rat]

4 lions

[Hurricane88]

*STATISTICS TO AMAZE YOU ...*

The number of deaths in the world in the *last 3 months of 2021*

314,687 : Corona virus

340,584 : Malaria

353,696 : suicide

393,479 : road accidents

240,950 : HIV

558,471 : alcohol

816,498 : smoking

1,167,714: Cancer

Then do you think Corona is dangerous?

Or

is the purpose of the media campaign to settle the trade war between China and America

or

to reduce financial markets to prepare the stage of financial markets for mergers and acquisitions

or

to sell US Treasury bonds to cover their fiscal deficit.

Or

Is it a Panic created by Pharma companies to sell their products like sanitizer, masks, medicine etc.

Do not Panic & don't kill yourself with unecessary fear. This posting is to balance your newsfeed from posts that caused fear and panic.


If you do contact Coronavirus, this still is not a cause for panic because:

81% of the Cases are MILD

14% of the Cases are MODERATE

Only 5% of the Cases are CRITICAL

Which means that even if you do get the virus, you are most likely to recover from it.

Some have said, “but this is worse than SARS and SWINEFLU!” SARS had a fatality rate of 10%, Swine flu 28% *while COVID-19 has a fatality rate of 2%*

Moreover, looking at the ages of those who are dying of this virus, the death rate for the people UNDER 55 years of age is only 0.4%

This means that: if you are under 55 years of age and don't live out of India - you are more likely to win the lottery (which has a 1 in 45,000,000 chance)
Let's take one day ie 1 May as an example when Covid 19 took lives of 6406 in the world.
On the same day:

26,283 people died of Cancer

24,641 people died of Heart Disease

4,300 people died of Diabetes

Suicide took 28 times more lives than the virus did.

Mosquitoes kill 2,740 people every day, HUMANS kill 1,300 fellow humans every day, and Snakes kill 137 people every day. (Sharks kill 2 people a year)

*What you say ??*

SO DO THE DAILY THINGS TO SUPPORT YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM , PROPER HYGIENE AND DO NOT LIVE IN FEAR.

Join to Spread *Hope* instead of Fear.

*The Biggest Virus is* not Corona Virus but *FEAR !*